Episode 30 - Celebrating 4 Years of The F.E.E.L Podcast: LIVE with Melissa Crook & Valencia Saint-Louis
By Jessica Garrison
Happy anniversary to the F.E.E.L Podcast! July 12th marks 4 years since Melissa dropped the very first episode of the podcast. We have evolved into the Embracing Layers Network, branching off into different directions and mediums to spread our message of supporting women in living authentically and unapologetically. To celebrate, we are doing something a little differently with tomorrow’s episode…it will be LIVE. Original team member, Valencia Saint-Louis, is returning to flip the script on Melissa and ask her about the talking points. Melissa will also be sharing her vision for the platform going into another year and its exciting, uplifting future.
This season, we began producing two episodes per week rather than one, so we have had double the content and double the phenomenal guests. There are a few episodes that stuck out to me that I wanted to revisit in preparation for the live episode. One of them comes from Eve Hall about destigmatizing sexual health. That has become a more prominent conversation over the years, but it still isn’t getting the attention it needs. Women like Eve are sharing their stories and creating a safe community for women to be able to take care of all aspects of their health, including sexual.
Our friend, Kat Newport, was also in an episode this season, and she said the phrase “good girl syndrome.” I loved writing this blog because good girl syndrome is something that we see constantly, and I’ve even talked about it before, but I didn’t have quite the right term to use for the scenario. Women are the ultimate people pleasers, and this has come up in past episodes, making it perfect to listen to when you’re trying to get a feel for the podcast.
One final episode I wanted to highlight was Lisa McCourt’s and I truly admire how she is an advocate for the LGBTQ+ community, sharing the story of her trans daughter. Lisa is all about finding joy in your life and accepting the layered aspects of yourself. Societal expectations can become loud at times, so this is a great episode to listen to when you need to quiet the outside voices and listen to yourself.
Join us for our live episode celebrating four years of the F.E.E.L Podcast! Share some of your favorite episodes from over the years or some that gave you a new perspective. We are so thankful to be able to share 4 years of content with even more to come. Join Melissa and Valencia Thursday, July 10th as they reflect, share old memories, and of course, FEEL.
Ways to Engage: What has been your favorite episode so far this season or your favorite topic of conversation? Are there any topics you’d like to hear us discuss or any guests you’d like to see return?
Episode 29 - Releasing Guilt & Embracing Boundaries: How to Journal Through Self-Doubt with Callie Martin Pierce
By Jessica Garrison
Our first guest this week is Callie Martin, a friend of Melissa’s whom she met from the Fresno County Women’s Chamber of Commerce. Callie is a motivated self-starter who has a strong passion for helping others, which becomes very clear early on in her episode.
Callie has been on a long journey of discovering healthy boundaries and putting them in place, and I love what she has to say about them as well. You have to understand what values are important to you because that’s going to dictate what you say yes and no to. If you don’t value yourself and the time you have, you will become consumed by things that don’t really fill your cup—eventually you’re just living life for other people rather than yourself.
Callie also covers the guilt piece that comes with boundaries, which is something I struggle with often. For me, I try to celebrate any win I can. Recently I had to set a boundary with someone who wanted me to dog sit, and even though it wasn’t a big deal to them, I still felt guilty. Still, I reminded myself that I did it! I said no when I felt like saying no, and I was proud of myself for it. The world didn’t end, no one was mad at me, and I had peace knowing I didn’t have to worry about dog sitting when I had too busy of a schedule to do it. Callie suggests journaling for moments like this, writing down what her thoughts are in the situation and how she feels about it. Then she writes what reality is, the actual happenings rather than the story she’s telling in her head. Typically, you are the only one thinking about saying no after the fact, whereas the other person moved on and isn’t dwelling on it the same way.
This is where communication is needed in confidently setting boundaries, because in my situation for example, I could’ve lied about the reasons behind why I was saying no. The truth was that I didn’t have the bandwidth to be able to keep up with everything in addition to what I already had going on in my personal life, so that’s what I told them. I was nervous about it, but they were very understanding and kind. You don’t have to have a reason or excuse if you really don’t want to do something. Telling the person how you’re genuinely feeling is a much better alternative to making something up. And you also don’t have to worry about “remembering” your lies.
I appreciate how honest Callie is while discussing her boundaries and health, admitting both the struggles and the triumphs. Boundaries are a difficult topic to cover sometimes, but I think she beautifully encapsulates everything they can and should be. She is a joy to listen to and I’m so glad Melissa brought her to us. She’s part of a community of women who are changing the world without even realizing it, and when others see her confidently setting boundaries, they’ll be inspired to do the same. Even the smallest steps are still steps in the right direction.
Ways to Engage: If you’re struggling with guilt from setting boundaries, journal it out. Write down your thoughts. Ask yourself, what is reality? What is going on in your life? Why did you say no? Ask yourself, what are my thoughts? What narrative am I telling myself? Recognize that the stories you tell yourself are not always fact, and you can release yourself of the guilt from setting healthy boundaries.
Episode 28 - Motherhood Without the Mask: Identity, Boundaries & Postpartum Truths with Marissa Zwetow
By Jessica Garrison
If you keep up with our radio show and YouTube panel shows, then you may already be familiar with our next guest, Marissa Zwetow. She is a passionate, stubborn, persistent, silly, focused, and empathetic woman who is living life as her most authentic self.
Throughout the episode, Marissa discusses her time as a mother, and although we hear a lot about motherhood, we don’t always hear the truth from women. We have this idea in our mind of what motherhood is and how it will play out for us, but that only scratches the surface of an iceberg of experiences. This is a very nuanced and complicated topic, but it’s those parts of the conversation we aren’t having on a regular basis. When women talk about motherhood, they share what they love about it, not the parts that make them frustrated or exhausted. Personally, I am only a feline mother and have never given birth or been pregnant. I don’t think we talk enough about how much of a change pregnancy creates for your body, let alone how it changes your mental health, and these things are never the same again. Two things can be true at one time, such as you are thrilled to be a mother but you are also exhausted from it and want a break.
Marissa also shares how she tends to see women stereotypical gender roles after children are born—this was a personal experience for her, and I definitely see this happen in life as well. Women are expected to always take care of the children, but when a man takes care of his child for the evening it’s “babysitting.” She also understands how difficult it can be to set boundaries during this time, especially because of how motherhood is supposed to be “natural” for women. We shouldn’t seem ungrateful because some women can’t have children or some women lost their children (another instance we see weaponized gratitude in effect). Or because society tells you that you aren’t a real woman unless you have children and that’s just how life works. It’s crucial for people to understand that being a mother is hard work, and you were never meant to do it alone. It takes a village to raise a child, and it shouldn’t just fall on the woman who gave birth to do everything.
In Marissa’s work, she helps moms feel like themselves again and normalizes postpartum conversations. We act like a woman growing a human being inside her body for 9 months then going through a traumatic, body-changing process to bring that human into the world is no big deal. Add maternity and paternity leave into the mix and we could talk all day about the unfair judgments made against parents. It’s only normal to feel unhappy at times, and it’s okay to share those feelings aloud.
It’s time we all share the truth about what it means to be a woman, including everything that comes with it, and Marissa is leading this discussion with strength, truth, and integrity. If you want to hear more of Marissa, she was on our radio show episode, “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself,” and our YouTube panel show episode, “Honest Talk About Pregnancy & Postpartum Health.” Feel free to share your experiences or speak openly about what you have been through and how it makes you feel. We are always here to listen.
Ways to Engage: What are your expectations for yourself? What are society's expectations for you? Is there overlap or are there some expectations you thought were your own but turned out to be someone else’s? Think about what you want out of life and what you expect for yourself without listening to what the outside voices want.
Episode 27 - Breaking the Caregiver Cycle: Self-Awareness, Survival Mode & Loving Fiercely with Lynette Weldon
By Jessica Garrison
To start our week, we are with Lynette Weldon, whose name you may recognize from the Embracing Layers Radio Show. She participated in our episode, “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself,” and she is now on the podcast to show off how truly dedicated, driven, passionate, and loyal she is.
Being a fierce advocate, Lynette shares how her time as a caregiver changed her life on both ends of the spectrum. Growing up, Lynette’s mother was a caregiver to her stepdad after a brain tumor was discovered, and her mother didn’t take the time to care for herself as she should’ve. So when Lynette’s daughter was born with down syndrome and a hole in her heart, she didn’t take the time for herself either. This just goes to show how, even if we don’t realize it, our actions are being watched by others. We can choose to model unhealthy behaviors for ourselves and others, or we can break the cycle.
Lynette’s daughter is also not her only child, so she’s had to learn the balance of giving her daughter the special attention she needs while also giving love and attention to her other children. She says she was living in “fight or flight” survival mode for 10 years before telling herself that something had to change. It was affecting her health, and this in turn was affecting her ability to be a functional caregiver. She doesn’t want anyone else to reach a point like this in their lives, living like they’re on autopilot. Imagine telling yourself your whole life to keep pushing through, just get to the next week again and again until you finally end up as the one in someone else’s care. Lynette shows us that it doesn’t have to be this way, and you can be an effective caregiver while still taking the time to care for yourself.
During this episode, I love how Lynette shares the “grieving process” with caregiving, and there’s many layers to just the idea of grief itself. This word typically comes to mind when someone dies, and you grieve their life and the time you spent together. It’s also okay to grieve the loss of something you used to do that you can’t anymore or the life you had once before that’s changed. She says it’s okay to not only feel sad or feel angry, but to also admit those feelings to yourself. Melissa always says that there are no good or bad emotions, they are just your emotions. They’re there as clues, so you shouldn’t feel shame for any emotion you have, despite what we’ve been raised to believe. Seasons change and we change along with them, but it’s still okay to grieve a season you miss.
Caregivers are kind of like unknown heroes, people who keep the world moving but we never ask how they’re doing—we always ask how the person they’re caring for is doing, but never them. Take some time to reflect, thank a caregiver, and ask them how they’re doing. Listen to how they are truly doing or ask what ways you can help lighten the load for them. We feel like we have to do everything ourselves, but we really don’t. Reach out and ask for help, or be that person to support someone when they need it the most.
Ways to Engage: Do you feel like you’re overworked or don’t have any time in the day for yourself? Start with small increments of time, like 5 or 10 minutes to do something for you. Read a couple pages of your book, write down your thoughts, or just rest. Your time is yours, and it’s up to you to take control of it.
Episode 26 - Mental Health Days, Neurospicy Life & Self-Care with Amy Taylor
By Jessica Garrison
We’re joined with a new guest this week, the loyal, loving, kind, generous, family-oriented, progressive, open-minded, and self aware Amy Taylor. Her character traits proudly radiate through the screen as you listen, especially her generous and family-oriented nature.
While talking about self care, Amy mentions how she takes a mental health day when she feels like her body and mind need a break. This isn’t always a feasible option, but if you’re in a position to take a mental health day, it would be a good idea. Taking some time off can be beneficial in breaking up the long stretch of work or allowing your body to rest when it needs it. Even on days when I say, “this is my day off,” I still tend to find myself doing things for work or stressing about something happening in the near future. I’m still on my own journey to not only understanding when my mind needs a break but to also grant myself that break and allow myself to refuel. I have seen the positive impacts of this with my roommate who is a teacher. Teaching is an invaluable yet underappreciated career, so sometimes she plans for a mental health day where she can catch up on some much needed rest and self care.
The time Amy spends with her friends and family is also part of her self care. It’s a constant in her life, and she knows she has people in her corner who love and support her no matter what. In her 30s, Amy was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and in her 50s she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. With this knowledge, she decided to live her life out loud, rather than leaving her authentic self to disappear into silence. Amy wants people to know that they are not alone, even though life can feel very lonely at times. There is a community out there, whether it’s your family, a close group of friends, or maybe even online, where you can be loud and proud of who you are.
These other areas of her life tie into her health as well, such as taking a long hot shower when she needs it, reducing the amount of sugar she consumes, and getting the right amount of sleep. Our last blog focuses on the importance of sleep, and it’s even more important for Amy because of her bipolar disorder. She can become manic, and sleep affects you even more as you grow older. Even getting out of the house can be part of self care, and she enjoys doing things with her teenage daughter to get her out of the house, too. I can attest that when I have a long stretch of not leaving the house, I can feel myself sink deeper into depression. And the thing is, the longer I don’t leave the house, the harder it becomes to get myself out the door. It’s all about finding that balance of what you want and what you need to be the healthiest version of yourself, while still surrounding yourself with the support you need.
It may seem that I’ve covered a lot from the episode, but there is still so much more for Amy to share with you herself. Check out her resources on our website and share it with a friend!
Ways to Engage: Take a mental health day. It’s a challenge and a privilege to take time off of work when you need it the most, but if you’re able, take a day off to replenish and nourish your body the way it deserves to be.
Episode 25 - Nursing, Sleep, and Becoming Your Healthiest Self with Jennifer Johnson
By Jessica Garrison
Jennifer Johnson joins the F.E.E.L Podcast this week to share her journey which hasn’t come easy, but it has changed her for the better. Describing herself as empathetic, resilient, stubborn, and a multitasking queen, Jennifer is taking the world by storm as the healthiest, most authentic version of herself.
Professionally, Jennifer is a nurse, and there isn’t much she hasn’t seen through this line of work. From nursing school to rigorous COVID shifts, Jennifer has needed to pay extra attention to her physical, mental, and spiritual health. She discusses the importance of sleep, and I cannot express how much I love to hear people talk about its health benefits because I love to sleep. I’ve also found out the type of person I am when I don’t get enough of it. My first year of college I really struggled with falling asleep, and I became a short-tempered, irritable, and unfocused person. I knew I needed a change but couldn’t figure out what to do. With my discovery of melatonin gummies, I was finally catching up on some well deserved rest. Sleep aids shouldn’t be used on a daily basis, so I knew I had to find a night routine that worked for me to settle in for the evening; I’ve found this to also be a version of self care. I take my time brushing my teeth, doing my skincare routine, spritzing my pillow with a calming mist, and taking a deep breath because it’s time to get some rest after a long day. Everyone has their own way of doing things, and you just have to find what works best for you. It might not come easily at first, but believe me as well as Jennifer when I tell you it is worth it in the long run.
Jennifer shares with us how she’s worked nights most of her career while her husband worked during the day. With two young children, she wasn’t able to get the proper rest she needed, and this was negatively impacting other areas of her life. I can’t imagine doing the influential and traumatic work a nurse does on a daily basis, let alone without sleep. People tend to think that if they don’t sleep enough they’ve “won.” They had more hours in the day to get stuff done or they brag about not needing a lot of sleep at night. Even if you don’t feel affected at first, not getting enough sleep can negatively affect your immune system, nervous system, brain function, and more. One way or another, it will catch up to you, and you’ll thank yourself later for allowing your body to rest.
To dive deeper into behind the scenes of her nursing career and her journey to F.E.E.L, you can read Jennifer’s book Nursing Intuition. We can all take a piece of what Jennifer has learned and shared as we continue to grow on our own. Then others can look at us and hear our experiences, and continue to grow on their own. It’s a never ending cycle that can be a positive force in the world.
Ways to Engage: Start focusing on your sleep schedule. Are you getting enough hours of rest? Do you wake up a lot throughout your sleep cycle? Are you on your phone right before you go to sleep or right after you wake up? Sleep is one of the most important aspects of your health, and we should be treating it as such.
Episode 24 - Embracing Authenticity, Expectations & Self-Love with Vesta Hurlbutt
By Jessica Garrison
We are thrilled to have Vesta Hurlbutt join us this week for a conversation of healing and loving your authentic self. She is kind, loving, all-inclusive, happy, approachable, and fun, all of which are commendable traits to have, and you will grow to appreciate Vesta even more after listening to her share her story.
The overall conversation of expectations is valuable, so much so that Vesta has an episode dedicated to it on her own podcast, Open Heart Healing. If you’re trying to live out of someone else’s expectations, you’ll start to feel bad about yourself because you’re not fulfilling your own desires. Even if you do every single thing another person wants you to do, it still will not make you feel whole within yourself.
It’s not conceited to love yourself, a point Vesta makes very clear during this talking point. It all goes back to self love and self forgiveness, knowing that you are worth the time and energy it takes to become the healthiest version of yourself. Vesta reminds us that it’s okay if you aren’t meeting your own expectations at this very moment because you will eventually, as long as you are being true to yourself and keeping these components in the back of your mind as you continue your journey.
I also appreciate Vesta’s distinction between the ability to love your body and still want to make it better. There’s always room for self improvement, and if this is an area you struggle with, remember that two things can exist at one time. You can still look in the mirror and love and appreciate your body, but want to improve upon it such as needing to lose or gain weight to make yourself healthier. Just like emotions of happiness and sadness, these two things can be valid at the same time.
I mentioned Vesta’s podcast earlier, and this is a platform for her to share her journey and “explore the path to inner fulfillment.” Vesta’s “why” is centered around wanting to continue to feel amazing, and this a feeling she wants to share with others. Her job allows her to chase her dreams and passions, which she greatly appreciates. We appreciate it as well, because the work Vesta does to help spread the joy allows so many others to feel free in their own lives. It’s admirable to see a woman like her work diligently to give others a platform to help them heal, which also ties into supporting women in living unapologetically.
One last thing I want to share that Vesta said is that she has come across many different walks of life and has found love in every single place. There will always be people there who will support you and a community to stand behind you. Between the Embracing Layers Network and the network Vesta has created, there is already a community waiting for you.
Ways to Engage: Take the time to recognize people in your life who you love unconditionally and vice versa. It might even help to write them down for times when you’re feeling unloved, depressed, lonely, etc. Unconditional love is a beautiful thing and you are worthy of experiencing it.
Episode 23 - Laura Helgeson on UTI Advocacy, Misdiagnosis, & Mental Health: Creating Change & Choosing Kindness
By Jessica Garrison
We are joined this week by another guest who may sound a little familiar. Laura Helgeson has been on our Embracing Layers Radio Show episode Have You Connected Your Physical Health to Your Emotional Health in Your Embracing Layers Journey? and she’s here to share further details about her journey. Laura is focused, driven, compassionate, and she is someone with kindness.
The connection between physical, mental, and spiritual health has been the center of Laura’s life and her why. Laura opens up about her struggle with chronic UTIs, something she’s suffered from since she was young. Since there’s so many misconceptions about UTIs, Laura hid her diagnosis from pretty much everyone. I love that she emphasizes the point of releasing shame from the body because they’re natural beings. Melissa has said before that there is a lot of learning that goes into embracing your layers, but there is just as much unlearning to do. Overcoming the shame we feel from our bodies is a key example of how important it is to learn as well as unlearn. This way, we are able to take care of all aspects of our health properly and with more knowledge.
It’s not easy to reach this point in your journey, and I’m proud of Laura for sharing her story to help other women. If there aren’t resources on this topic, she will become the resource for people. If there aren’t conversations being held on this topic, she’ll begin the discussion. Chronic UTIs are not recognized legitimately in the United States, even though it is a very real and serious health issue. Laura shared the statistic with us that 60% of women in the U.S. will suffer from a UTI at some point in her life and 30% of those women will have recurring UTIs or chronic UTIs. It’s an issue that is deeply personal for Laura, but also for so many women who need this information to live comfortably.
I also love how Laura expresses the need to do things for yourself, even if it’s minor. The little things really add up, and this can help your stamina in your embracing layers journey. Even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal, doing something small for yourself can make a world of difference. Whether it’s a short walk, a five minute breathing exercise, or getting dessert after dinner, you owe it to yourself to do the little things to make you happy and keep the connections throughout our bodies stable.
Laura is a trailblazer who is creating a huge change in the way women view themselves, both the inside and the outside. Health is her objective, and she is inspiring others to become their own advocate. Her amazing work for women will continue as she continues to live unapologetically.
Ways to Engage: Do something kind for yourself today. Get a large coffee instead of medium, take yourself out to a restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, stay in for the evening instead of going out. Whatever it may be, do something kind for yourself—it doesn’t have to be big. The little things add up.
Episode 22 - Self-Care, Boundaries & Honoring Your Energy with Amy Donovan
By Jessica Garrison
Our second guest of the week is not necessarily new to our network, but she is new to the F.E.E.L Podcast. Amy Donovan has been on the radio show with episodes, “Coming Back to Your WHY and Your Values” and “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself,” as well as our YouTube panel show “Together We F.E.E.L: Body Responsibility.” So when you finish the episode and want to hear more from Amy, there’s plenty to explore! Amy describes herself as a good dreamer but not always a great executer, an oversharer, an open book, a complete empath, someone who operates at an 8, quick witted, quick tempered, and quick at everything except physical activity, which I think many of us may already connect with.
No matter what phase of life you’re in, it’s busy. I think we have a misconception on how life is “supposed” to go, like you’re supposed to be married with children and retire at a certain age. However, life is unpredictable and when things don’t go as planned, we kind of have a mentality of pushing through until life has settled enough for us to do what we want. However, we’ve heard before and we’re hearing now that you cannot wait to take care of yourself—make time for yourself within the moments you have now. This makes it so important to provide self care for yourself throughout even the busiest of days.
Otherwise, resentment and regret starts to control you because you realize you’ve been waiting for your kids to grow up and move out to start doing nice things for yourself, or you’re waiting to retire until you take that dream vacation you’ve been planning in your head for years. Live your life now while it’s here, stop to smell the roses, and remember to take care of yourself through the journey.
Another point that connects with this is the idea of “keeping score” in relationships, which Amy brought up during the boundaries talking point. I think this comes up a lot in relationships but it isn’t discussed much. There’s a balance to find between having an equal partnership without keeping score of who does what. For example, my roommate and I will buy each other drinks at coffee shops without being asked or giving the other money for it. We just do it back and forth when the time is right for it to have a little surprise. We don’t keep track and say, “I got you a large before and you got me a medium this time,” or any other comparisons. It isn’t about doing something nice to use against the other person later, but rather to just do something nice because you want to. It doesn’t even have to be a romantic relationship, but it could also be with friends, family, or coworkers.
Amy has such a bright spirit, and I really enjoyed her episode. She’s vulnerable, authentic, and she gets you excited to start your own journey. Let Amy serve as a reminder to treat yourself and others kindly because you are worthy and deserve good things.
Ways to Engage: What are things you like about yourself? Not what you don’t like, but what you can truly appreciate about yourself. Start with character traits. Do you like that you’re empathetic or funny or patient? What do you like about yourself physically? Build your confidence and focus on the good, rather than picking apart the things you don’t like.
Episode 21 - Boundaries, Empathy & the Nonlinear Journey to Growth with Jewel Hohman
By Jessica Garrison
Our first guest of the week is the curious, empathetic, and passionate Jewel Hohman. Her journey is so specific to her yet there are dozens of connecting points that will resonate with everyone listening.
The conversation Melissa and Jewel have on boundaries is a great reminder for people that change is not linear. We’re only human after all, and we tend to relapse back into old habits, but we have to remember that that’s okay. It’s important not to beat yourself up over these setbacks, but rather to recognize the behavior and continue to move forward. There are stages of change, and as long as you’re trying, you should recognize that within yourself.
Jewel also talks about making boundaries about you rather than the other person, and this is something that’s continued to come up this season. As much as we may like to, we cannot control another person’s actions, but we can hold them accountable with our own actions. It’s not effective to say to someone, “Stop doing X.” But you can say, “if you keep doing X, then I will do Y.” It’s crucial then to follow through with your action if they continue to cross your boundary, but communicating it this way is most efficient. I’ve used this phrasing in the past and have seen the results firsthand, and I can confirm it’s worth the internal battle you may have with yourself. It’s rewarding to see people respect your boundaries, or if they don’t, it’s rewarding to see yourself respect your own boundaries and see yourself as valuable enough to defend.
In her journey, Jewel mentally chose to direct her attention into fulfilling relationships with people who respected her boundaries and didn’t make her choose between them. Keep in mind that you cannot take on other people’s emotions, though we tend to do that as humans, especially when you’re an empathetic person. Empathy is an incredible trait to have, but that doesn’t mean you should be constantly carrying other people’s emotions with you. If you’re trying to find “the right answer,” Jewel says there is no right answer. However, there is whatever is right for you, and that’s where you can begin.
Jewel is truly making a difference within her own life with the way she values herself and confidently lives authentically, which in turns makes an incredible difference in the lives of others. As she continues to be empathetic, curious, and passionate, join Jewel in your own journey to become the healthiest version of yourself who sees how worth it you really are.
Ways to Engage: Ask yourself questions of what you want for the future and what you want for yourself right now in life. What experiences do you want to have? Ask yourself the rapid fire questions: How do you want to be feeling in the next 6 months? What activities nourish you? Use these answers to live out of your own expectations and go after what you want.
Episode 20 - Living Unapologetically with Keldamuzik: Confidence, Creativity & Representation in the Music Industry
By Jessica Garrison
You may know our next guest as a singer, but you may not know Keldamuzik as the entertaining, courageous, creative, ambitious, outgoing, and passionate woman she always has been. She’s learned a lot in her journey through music, and she’s here with us to share her lessons, her truth, and her wisdom.
Keldamuzik supports women in living unapologetically just by being her confident and genial self, but there’s a lot that she does behind the scenes that supports women in more ways than what is appreciated. She says living unapologetically connects directly with boundaries because you have to know what you want to involve yourself in and what to surround yourself with. I can attest that by surrounding yourself with good people who genuinely support you and want to watch you succeed will do so much for your confidence. It doesn’t sound like much, but being around constant negative energy weighs on you, and you can’t help but listen to the outside voices after a while.
I also admire Keldamuzik’s ability to speak up and say what is on her mind. There could be someone else in the room who is thinking the same as you, but they might not have the courage or protection to say it. She asks herself, what if they’re thinking that too? It can be so easy to uplift women and make sure all voices are heard, especially if you’re in a position where people stop to listen to you. That’s why it is so important for those who are privileged to speak up for those who are not—if your word is worth more than theirs, make their words heard, too.
Another topic of conversation I want to mention is representation, which I agree is important in all forms of media. Whether you’re watching a movie or reading a book, you want to be able to feel connected to it one way or the other. If all forms of media are made by straight white men, it’d be pretty boring, because only those stories would be told (at least accurately). We appreciate stories with actual struggle and triumph, with flawed people who are just like us but still find a way to make it work. Keldamuzik provides this representation for people, not only as a musician and producer, but she is also an entrepreneur for Tamz Berets.
I love this episode because Keldamuzik’s character traits jump out immediately, and she is such a likeable person. She wants to build with strength and representation, actions we can all admire and work towards achieving. There’s no doubt that her confidence will radiate through the screen and be passed along to listeners. I will be a Keldamuzik fan forever!
Ways to Engage: Everything Keldamuzik names has the word “diva” in it, meaning confident, independent, motivated, and empowering others to do the same. Think of a word that encompasses you, similarly to your character traits. Something that gives you strength, power, and confidence. Keep that word with you and remind yourself of it when you need it most.
Episode 19 - From People-Pleasing to Personal Power: Lisa McCourt on Joy, Healing & LGBTQ+ Advocacy
By Jessica Garrison
Lisa McCourt is a forever learner of new things, a mama bear, a collaborator, and she is dedicated to making the world a better place. Her founding of the Joy School has changed the lives of so many and has allowed people to begin their journey towards healing and feeling joy.
It’s exhausting to be a people pleaser, and no one knows this better than Lisa. While talking about living out of her own expectations versus others’, Lisa says that if someone is having a bad day, we think it’s our fault. I remember saying one time that guilt is always my go-to emotion if someone isn’t happy or if something doesn’t work out. Even if I know in my head that there’s nothing I could’ve done to prevent it, I still feel bad. It’s taken me a long time to rewire my brain, but I still warp back to the old ways sometimes. It’s helpful to recognize the emotion, and I tell myself that it’s okay to feel the way I feel, but I still tell my brain that it has nothing to do with me. Not worrying about things you can’t change is a huge burden lifted off your shoulders than should’ve never been placed there to begin with. You don’t quite realize how much damage you were doing to yourself until you drop what is unnecessary.
Lisa mentioned her trans daughter during the episode, and I want to touch on the conversation she had with Melissa. Although Lisa didn’t know much about the trans community, it wasn’t difficult to understand. Lisa became the president of her local PFLAG (Parents & Friends of Lesbians and Gays) chapter, though you can find these organizations all over the country. Now more than ever it’s important to protect minorities and share correct information about the community. Lisa’s daughter was able to take her life back and live as herself unapologetically, which is what we want for everyone. It shouldn’t matter how someone else is living their life if they aren’t hurting anyone or spreading hate. The LGBTQ+ community spreads nothing but the idea of love—love between any group of people, and that’s what we should be aiming for. Lisa’s support and activism just proves her dedication to making the world a better place, but she reminds us that it goes beyond legislation. The work begins on the ground with people speaking up and bringing awareness to issues in the community. Lisa’s why is to be a voice of love, compassion, and justice in the world, and she does this so beautifully just by being herself.
I mentioned The Joy School earlier, a “unique online space where you can learn, relax, and unfold into your greatness while being seen, heard, and honored as the perfectly imperfect creature you are.” I love hearing from women like Lisa who are not only fighting the good fight for herself, but for others as well, whether she knows them personally or not. You can check out upcoming events for the Joy School with Lisa and begin a journey towards a new appreciation for yourself.
Ways to Engage: Next time someone asks you to do something, think about if you’re being authentically yourself with them or if you’re just doing it to please others. Think about if this action aligns with your own values before automatically agreeing to it.
Episode 18 - Authenticity, Boundaries & the Power of Saying No with Andrea Pass
By Jessica Garrison
We are joined this week by the honest, authentic, communicative, hardworking, friendly, responsible, thorough, caring, and strategic Andrea Pass. The way that Andrea weaves her layers through storytelling will capture your attention and create excitement to begin a journey of your own.
Like many of us, Andrea has experience working from home, so she understands the need for boundaries when work and home are in the same building. There didn’t used to be boundaries for Andrea when it came to work, but that never seems to work out in the person’s favor. One example she shared was not eating lunch until 3 PM because she wasn’t taking breaks, and I have to say that I’ve been there a time or two as well. Sometimes I tell myself I should complete just one more task before taking a break for lunch when I’m working from home, but one more task turns into ten and before I know it, it’s already a few hours into the afternoon. Although it may seem like it’s better for me to get the work done and eat later, I realized that my best work is done when my body is nourished and getting everything it needs. My brain can think more clearly and I’m not distracted by my stomach rumbling with hunger. It’s a good reminder that boundaries are just as important for yourself as they are for others.
Andrea has set times for calls and other work-related events, having a calendar with her availability handy so she isn’t overbooking herself. It’s up to her when she wants to have meetings or take work calls, and it’s important to remember that you have more control than you think. Even if you don’t work from home, you can take these lessons and apply them to your business site. Set boundaries for yourself when you’re going to take breaks, drink enough water, and don’t give more than you have to offer.
I loved that Andrea also said that she doesn’t tell people what they want to hear—she’s honest. As a P.R. agent, she can’t predict the future of how sales will go or assume a deal before it’s confirmed. Even if it’s with good intentions, false promises will lose you the respect and trust you’ve worked to achieve with people. Andrea reminds us to remember our character traits; remember who we are. Don’t change yourself for someone you may want to do business with or change it because you think it’s how someone else wants you to behave. There’s no need to worry about messing up if you’re yourself, and you don’t have to worry about which mask you’re supposed to be wearing at a given time.
This is such a valuable conversation to remember when you’re working towards your goals. Andrea lives her life authentically and unapologetically, and I look forward to everyone taking a piece of her advice with them after listening.
Ways to Engage: Create a schedule of when you’re available and when you’re not, and set boundaries for this. What can wait until tomorrow? What needs to be done today? Which items on your to do list are a priority? When it comes to work, boundaries and time management go hand in hand, and this can change everything for you.
Episode 17 - Unmasking the Layers: Eating Disorders, Sexual Shame & the Journey to Self-Healing with Leslie Draffin
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: eating disorder
Leslie Draffin is a passionate, purpose-driven, and embrace the present moment kind of woman, who continues to learn and grow on her journey of self-discovery, which is all part of being human. During the episode and blog, eating disorders are a main topic of conversation, so be sure to take care of yourself and proceed with caution if this is a sensitive subject for you. Resources will be provided for anyone who needs them as we continue to have these difficult yet crucial conversations.
Leslie speaks openly about her past with an eating disorder, and I truly believe that even if it isn't categorized as an eating disorder, so many people, women especially, suffer from disordered eating. Leslie lived with her eating disorder for 20 years before she reconnected with her body. No one had mentioned the word eating disorder to her because she had been within perfect range for the BMI scale, but that didn’t mean the way she went about her diet to fit within that scale was healthy. However, it was never an issue because she fit into the mold that most doctors were looking for. I wrote in our book, Embracing Layers Unapologetically, about the double standards of women and their weight in society, especially in American culture. If you’re skinny, no one cares what you’re doing or what you’re eating—they’re just happy you’re thin. If you’re overweight, no one cares that you’re killing yourself in the gym or starving because you’re still fat and that must be your own fault. Leslie had been doing detrimental harm to her body and mental state, but no doctors, except one, would question her health because she matched the “right” numbers. This goes to show how imperative it is to listen to your body and trust your instincts because no one knows you better than yourself.
Overcoming sexual shame was also on Leslie’s list of layers she had to embrace. She was hiding the positive result of an STI and sweeping things under the rug rather than confronting them. Leslie was working from the outside in rather than working from the inside out, causing a lot of internal conflict. She filled the void in her body with unhealthy things rather than taking the time to learn about herself and fill her perceived void with nourishment. We’re constantly trying to push away hurtful memories or complicated emotions, but it’s when we face them head on that we get the results we’re looking for.
There is a huge weight that’s lifted once we begin to reveal the truth to ourselves, show more compassion, and shed shame and judgment. I hope that Leslie’s sincerity and her story inspire others to step out of the dark and into the light of their own journey.
Ways to Engage: Challenge yourself to look at your health in a different way. If you’re constantly checking the number on the scale, start looking at how much water you drink in a day or how many steps you get in. If you feel like you don’t have any time for yourself, start carving out small amounts of time to let yourself breathe, even if it’s just for 5 minutes. A fresh perspective allows for different results and new ideas in your journey.
Resources:
ANAD Eating Disorder Helpline: 1-888-375-7767 (Mon-Fri 10 AM to 10 PM EST)
Information on Sexually Transmitted Infections (STI): https://www.cdc.gov/std/treatment-guidelines/default.htm
Episode 16 - From Expectations to Empowerment: Tara Mae Temple’s Journey
By Jessica Garrison
Our next guest may sound familiar as she has been a friend of the network for some time. Tara Mae Temple has been on our radio show before, including The Value of Introducing Yourself Via Character Traits, The Power of Knowledge, and The Role of Pets in Our Wellness (all of which you can find on our Substack page). Tara is kind, spiritual, loyal, compassionate, and caring, so we’re always happy to host her and hear the waves she’s been making as a healing mentor.
Tara’s journey has been full of expectations, some of them coming from her, but mostly coming from other people. When you begin to live out of your own expectations, it can feel lonely at first, because you’re going up against what you’ve been trained for your whole life. Tara compares it to a retreat where you take the time to find yourself and listen to your body. She says this is a great time to ask yourself questions, journal, pray, meditate, or whatever medium helps to remind you why you’re living out of your own expectations. Have some fun with it and try out different modalities to see what helps the best at a specific time.
I love how Tara says we need to be open to signs from the universe and trust our intuition. We are told so many times that we shouldn’t trust our guts, but it’s so freeing to finally start listening to yourself. Signs can and will be there if you’re open to seeing them, a reminder that you’re doing the right thing and need to keep going. Tara reminds people to not let fear get the best of them—if it’s right, just keep pushing through. People can find their way if they’re open to healing, uplifting those around them in the process. Tara is quite empathetic and tries to put herself in other people’s shoes, thinking about how they may be feeling after a certain moment or if they need reassurance. Be the person for others you would want for yourself.
The importance of us being able to release our emotions in a healthy way and/or in a safe space was brought up during the conversation, advice I think everyone should take part in. Suppressing your emotions is unhealthy and bottling them all up will eventually cause them to explode at the worst possible moment. Tara reminds us it’s healthy to feel anger, and that was a whole layer for her to uncover and understand. It’s different for everyone, but whatever emotions come up for you, don’t push them back down. Learn from them and release what no longer serves you.
It really is incredible hearing stories from our guests each week, even more so with double the content. Just as F.E.E.L connects our talking points together, it also connects the stories from each person we hear from. It’s okay to take up space and immerse yourself in the process of accepting the layered aspects of yourself and living out of your own expectations. We all have the potential to tap into ourselves the way Tara does, so you can think of this episode as the first step in your journey. Now it’s time to walk the talk, just as both of our guests this week do.
Ways to Engage: When learning to live out of your own expectations, start asking yourself questions to get to know yourself better and know what you truly desire. Think of this as you sit in silence, meditate, journal, pray, or anything other acts that allow you to consider the expectations of your authentic self.
Episode 15 - How to Say NO Without Guilt | Stacey Olson on Boundaries & Self-Care
By Jessica Garrison
To be present with optimism and integrity is invaluable, especially in a world that sometimes moves faster than we’d like it to. However, our next guest, Stacey Olson, believes in walking the talk, and she’s been on a journey to say “no” with confidence, minus all the guilt that comes with it.
Stacey’s well-rounded grasp on layers really stuck with me after listening to the episode, particularly when she said it’s important to “be present, not perfect.” We can agree to everything people want us to and be at every event we’re asked to be, but we’d be there as shells of ourselves, too worn out to actually participate. Make sure you are savoring the moments as they are in the present rather than looking back at them wishing you had done more to enjoy yourself.
Your energy levels can be compared to a gas tank, which Stacey says might not always run on full capacity, but it should never be running on empty. She had been operating on empty for quite some time, but she’s learned to not let her gas tank fall under half before taking the time to refuel. Now that she understands these things about herself, it’s important that she continues to take care of herself as she unpeels the layers, which encourages her to keep going. I think many of us can relate to running on an empty tank, thinking just one more day or just another week. We always say as humans that we need more time in the day yet we’re constantly wishing the time we do have away. It’s time to fill your days with moments you can be present in and plan for moments you can look forward to.
Grant yourself more grace and patience, especially as you just begin to step into accepting the layered aspects of yourself. Stacey continues to grow and evolve, letting go of some of the pressure and expectations she’s had in the past. Some of this pressure was put on by others, but a lot of it she put on herself, which is another experience I think many of us can relate to. Usually when we feel like there’s a lot of pressure on us, it’s coming from within. People in our lives typically just want us to be happy and proud of ourselves, but our minds tend to run wild with made up stories. Communication is an incredible tool to utilize when accepting the layered aspects of yourself, and this includes listening. You have to listen to your body, understand your needs, and communicate them to those around you.
This topic, along with living out F.E.E.L and how it’s affected your relationships, nicely wraps up Stacey’s episode and showcases her character perfectly. If there’s one thing to remember while on the journey, it’s that we’re all human, and that includes you. Be kind, be patient, and allow yourself grace.
Ways to Engage: Think about if there is balance between the different areas of your life. How can you maintain this balance or create more clear alignments? Remember that self care isn’t selfish. If you want to prioritize those you love, taking care of yourself allows you to show up for them and be more present in those moments.
Episode 14 - Releasing “Good Girl Syndrome” with Kat Newport
By Jessica Garrison
I truly believe everyone is going to love this next episode with our guest, Kat Newport. Kat is a compassionate leader and a problem solver. She remains grounded yet courageous, she is purpose-driven, and she is fearlessly supportive, which becomes very clear after just a few minutes of the conversation.
I think it’s safe to say that all women, at one point or another, have experienced “good girl syndrome,” which is very prominent in people pleasers. It’s always putting someone else above yourself, neglecting your own boundaries, self care, expectations, values, or health in the process. Women are trained from the time they are young girls—whether they see it in real life, media, or the culture around them—to take care of others before themselves. As Kat says, it is important to identify when this program is coming out, so you can understand why exactly it was activated and what you can do to stop it.
It’s uncomfortable in the beginning to change behaviors you’re so used to, but if it’s healthier for you, then it’s worth the effort to at least try. Kat reminds us that there’s two steps to confidently setting boundaries: standing by the boundary and maintaining it. The work is not done once you lay down the boundary, but you also have to maintain it when you get pushback from people. It’s up to you to do that, and even though people aren’t always trying to negatively impact your boundaries, you still have to stand up for them. Maybe they forgot or didn’t think you were serious about it, but no matter the reason, remember why you’re doing it.
While discussing the purpose of her own why, Kat gives great advice that can be used in many different areas of F.E.E.L. When there’s friction or hardship with people, ask questions such as, what exactly is the concern? How do you want to see it resolved in an ideal world? Open yourself up to the relationship and the solution. Remember, your delivery of words matters, and you have to at least be open to negotiation or compromise. She used this example for confronting someone at work, but I would definitely suggest tucking this into the back of your mind and revisiting when there’s a conflict in your life.
There are a few other character traits Kat possesses that I’d like to share at the end of this blog. She balances kindness with accountability, ensuring people feel heard while driving results. Kat stands up for others while fostering a culture of care and responsibility, leads with heart and conviction, makes thoughtful decisions that benefit individuals as well as the bigger picture, tackles challenges head on with empathy and strategic thinking, and she approaches situations with wisdom and emotional intelligence while taking bold action when needed. This episode has been one of my favorites this season. Kat gives so much great advice, and along with her captivating storytelling, this is one you won’t want to miss.
Ways to Engage: What are some examples you’ve seen or experienced with “good girl syndrome?” Is this something you were aware of before listening to the episode or is new to you? Become aware of situations like this in your life or in the lives of those around you, supporting women in living unapologetically.
Episode 13 - Embracing Kindness, Patience, & Tolerance with Arlene Miller
By Jessica Garrison
We are joined this week by Arlene Miller, an authentic, compassionate, courageous, and loyal woman. She describes her character traits as sacred qualities, just one example of how her outlook shows another layer to the conversations we have each week.
When it comes to living out of her own expectations, Arlene brings a new perspective that I don’t think has been brought up before. She says we need to drop expectations with judgment, not only for ourselves but for others as well. Sometimes we make assumptions about what others will do for us or what we expect of them, and those assumptions are lined with judgment. We should reframe the way we view people without putting them into boxes. When someone asks you a favor, consider it for a while before automatically agreeing, and do the same thing vice versa. Offer them time to think it over rather than pressuring someone to give you an answer right away. By doing this, we’re able to uphold their boundaries, showcase how we want ours to be upheld, and inspire those around us to leave judgment out of their expectations.
Curiosity is a beautiful sacred quality according to Arlene, and we can’t help but agree. Melissa is always sharing how we should stop feeling judgmental and start feeling curious. An example of this could be, instead of judging the woman at the grocery store on food stamps, bring a more curious perspective. Could she be a single mother? Could she have a serious health condition that causes her to put money towards medical bills over groceries? Could she be all alone and just needs a little extra help? Maybe she uses food stamps just because she can, but no matter the reason, it isn’t our place to judge. If you find yourself being judgmental, start asking some questions that could answer some of these judgments. Whether our judgments are right or wrong, curiosity leads us to become more tolerant and patient with people, just as Arlene has.
Arlene has learned to love and accept herself through her journey because showing grace to others allows you to develop grace for yourself. There’s no need to be so hard on people, and that includes yourself. We’re all just doing our best in this world full of obstacles, but mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow. I’ll end this blog with a beautiful visualization Arlene inspires within us before going to sleep.
Imagine yourself as a tree, starting with the roots. We have to be deeply rooted in the ground to stand strong, and this foundation means everything. As we learn new things and develop our own sense of self, we continue to grow towards a sky of possibility. Sprouting branches and growing leaves just adds layers to our whole self. Even through the different seasons, as the tree loses leaves and it blossoms, the tree continues to stand tall, adjusting itself to survive the changes. However, it always comes back to its beautiful self during its peak season. Remember that you are strong and deserve to take up space. You are always changing yet your roots remain grounded in the Earth. You are whoever you imagine yourself to be, and you will withstand whatever comes your way.
Ways to Engage: We talk about living out of your own expectations, but do you consider what expectations you put upon other people? Are they fair and reasonable? Are you making a quick judgment of someone else and what you expect them to do for you? The work begins with us, and we should keep these thoughts in the back of our mind as we continue to grow and evolve.
Episode 12 - FEELing to Healing with Carrie Pierce
By Jessica Garrison
There’s so many layers to our next guest, Carrie Pierce. She is tactful, strategic, and observant, constantly caring for others before thinking of herself. Her journey is coated in loss, bravery, vulnerability, kindness, and love. After listening to the episode, you will have a newfound respect for those in your life you might not have realized were fighting a huge battle.
Carrie is vulnerable and opens up about her journey of F.E.E.L, which includes having to be on a special diet after losing so much muscle from not eating. She was a caregiver for her dad who had severe dementia, which is a devastating illness that has affected so many people. She wasn’t eating properly and her body had basically shut down. There was a lot of trauma that went unaddressed in both her mind and body, which began to take its toll. Self care for her was something she could snatch in a second, not really mindful or with purpose. After her parents passed, she began the process of discovering who she was and tending to the needs that were ignored for so long.
Caregivers' needs are often pushed to the side and buried, and Carrie says that becoming a caregiver can be a death sentence because of how often their needs are not met. It’s difficult to remind yourself to stay healthy when all of your focus is keeping someone else healthy, but Carrie gives a great example to remember how important it is to do the work for yourself. When a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, it has to take the journey itself to change. If you try to help it get out of its cocoon, it’ll die—you have to wait for it to be ready to emerge on its own. People are the same way with self care and learning to prioritize themselves. They have to be willing to do the work and realize that they’re the ones who can complete metamorphosis rather than someone forcing you to take the steps before you’re ready.
Looking at childhood core wounds is another aspect we have to look into, though it’s never easy to look at the past from that perspective. We all have them in one way or the other, and it’s been mentioned on our show before about the need to heal your inner child. Carrie says that core wounds drive us until we are healed, and we see this day to day with people in our lives, searching for something they might not have had as a child. We can only heal so much physically without healing ourselves mentally and spiritually as well. That’s where the childhood core wounds come in, and we have to dig a little deeper to heal all aspects of our health.
Carrie is a licensed aesthetician, certified color analyst, and has even worked as a Hollywood makeup and special effects artist. There’s a lot we didn’t cover in the blog that Carrie goes into further detail with during the episode, so don’t forget to tune in to hear more of her incredible life. Although there’s been a lot to learn and unlearn, Carrie is finally prioritizing herself to live unapologetically. I hope everyone who reads this and listens to our podcast not only understands the importance of taking care of yourself, but that you are worth the time and effort to take care of yourself.
Ways to Engage: Take time to consider your core wounds starting from childhood. Sit with the emotions that come up during this exploration while remembering that there are no “good” or “bad” emotions—they are clues to help you get to the bottom of the real issue. Healing yourself from the past continues to heal yourself into the future, setting you up for further success mentally, physically, and spiritually.
Episode 11 - Exhausted to Empowered: Setting Healthy Boundaries with Suzanne Culberg
By Jessica Garrison
It always amazes me how far our messages reach, and our next guest goes to show just how universal the meaning of F.E.E.L is. If you ask Suzanne Culberg, her character traits are irreverent, mischievous, and unfiltered. If you ask the audience of her podcast, The Nope Coach, she is energetic, funny, and direct.
Suzanne offered some great examples of real life cases that really puts into perspective how vital it is that we take care of ourselves. We’ve heard the example of airplane oxygen masks a few times in the past, signifying the need to take care of yourself before you can take care of others. In this episode, she talks about the races in Australia and how the racers need to stop at one point or another during the race to take care of their cars. Whether it be replacing tires or filling up the gas tank, there’s no way for the cars to make it through the race without stopping at least once. If they try to push through, they’ll run out of fuel or could spin out from damage. They might be in the lead for a good chunk of the race, but eventually they will fall behind because they weren’t pacing themselves. The same goes for people—we need to refuel and take breaks in order to come out on top. Suzanne emphasizes the importance of taking the pit stop and being present in the moment; you’ll thank yourself later.
Beginning all of this can be an adjustment, but Suzanne also reminds us to give ourselves grace as we begin our own journey. Another example she used is when you first start working out at a gym, you don’t automatically start lifting 100 pound weights—you have to work your way up to that. You can try to push yourself to do it, but you’ll hurt yourself in the process and will be back to square one. There’s no shame in starting small and gradually working towards the person you want to be. It truly is the healthiest and safest option.
Suzanne shares that being up front with people can be simple, though that takes a bit of practice. We tend to over explain ourselves when we first start setting boundaries and telling people no, but we’re just creating a lot more work for ourselves in the long run. Being up front and honest is the best bet for everyone involved—there’s no dancing around the subject wondering what we thought someone might have meant by something. Rather, it’s all laid out for us in the beginning.
You can visit Suzanne’s website and check out her podcast on Spotify to learn even more about her journey, how far she’s come, and all of the incredible places she’ll be going. Which example from Suzanne will you be using in your day to day life? They’re definitely key reminders you’ll want to keep in the back of your mind. Not only will they help you show kindness and patience for others, but for yourself as well.
Ways to Engage: Next time someone requests something from you, such as a time-consuming favor, take time to think about it before agreeing. Is this something you have the capacity for mentally or physically? Are you only saying yes out of obligation or is it something you really want to do/help out with? There’s nothing wrong with taking the time to make a decision, and an honest decision is one well made.