Episode 23 - Doing Less Equals Living More with Hannah Lynn Tackett
By Jessica Garrison
The F.E.E.L Podcast’s latest guest, Hannah Lynn Tackett, is a stubborn and optimistic woman who shares her experience with burnout after putting everyone else above herself. This led her to the world of holistic health, and she’s been living her best life ever since.
Hannah mentions something that I feel is so important to share when discussing the connection between physical and mental health, and that’s body cues versus emotional cues. The physical cues of burnout are usually noticed first, such as a headache or feeling fatigued all the time. An emotional cue could be resentment towards the people you love, though we don’t tend to take notice of this until the damage is already done. Personally, I think the emotional cues are harder to identify, and that’s why they get ignored so often. It can be difficult to find the right words to describe how you’re feeling—you might not even realize you’re feeling a certain emotion until it manifests itself in a physical way.
As Hannah says, it’s crucial for us to tune in to our emotions and be able to see the red flags for ourselves before digging a deeper hole. For example, if you’re feeling short-tempered with someone in your life, it could be because you’ve spent too much time with them lately and you need a mental break, or there is something deeper within that is causing you to lash out. Even if you don’t know exactly what emotion you’re feeling, that’s okay. It’s still beneficial to communicate how you’re feeling and maybe even how your body is reacting to something, rather than pushing it down further inside yourself.
Another thing I want to mention from this segment is the idea of “training” people to help you. At first I didn’t understand how this was possible because how are you supposed to train someone who has their own thoughts and ways they want to do things? But listening to Hannah further and thinking about it, we do this all the time. We teach people how to treat us and we can train them to help us. An example I can think of for myself is when I’m upset or crying, I tell people around me how I like to be comforted or what makes me feel better and over time, they learn and do it on their own. It isn’t like you’re controlling the people around you—you’re just communicating to them.
Burn out is something we all deal with at one point or another in our busy lives, but it’s comforting to know that there’s women like Hannah who have not only learned how to deal with these problems, but also offer to help other women who may be struggling. Her episode is full of treasures to hold onto for any situation you may need help for. Let us know what your favorite part of the episode was and/or what your biggest takeaway was. I know Hannah will continue this important work as she continues to say yes to what makes her feel more alive.
Ways to Engage: Continue to check in with your mind and body, especially during times of high pressure or stress. Remember the physical cues of burnout will most likely show up first, but also be sure to pay attention to the emotional cues your body may be giving you. Write them down if that helps or discuss it with someone close to you. Listen to what your body is telling you and take care of yourself in the way that you need most.
Episode 22 - Embracing Accountability & Healthy Relationships with Lisa Shield
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warnings: mentions of abuse
This week we are joined by the playful, original, heart-centered, and passionate Lisa Shield. What began as the chance to find true love has evolved into a personal transformation and the ability for Lisa to use her knowledge and experience to help others.
As a dating and relationship coach, people tend to look at Lisa like she has it all figured out and has always had the perfect dating life. However, this is far from the truth. Lisa has put in a lot of work to find the “guardian of her soul,” but she had to look inward as well as looking outward. She says self care was at the heart of finding her husband, and she needed this to develop the confidence to be able to accept the love she deserved. Relationships are a spiritual practice for Lisa, and in addition to doing the personal inner work, this keeps her healthy in mind and body.
Lisa brought up a tactic she uses with clients that I think everyone should try. She will have them list 5 things they have sacrificed in past relationships that they want to make a point of to find in their next or current relationship. For example, let’s say you sacrificed painting as a hobby to spend more time with your partner, but that was something that really nourished your soul. Weave that back into your schedule, making time for both your partner and activities you love.
It’s so important for partners to respect one another’s time and boundaries. You are more than just your partner; you have hobbies, interests, thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that are different from them, and that’s more than okay. Depending on where you are in life, it can make a difference in what you’re looking for in a partner. For Lisa, she discovered that she needed someone who already did their psychospiritual work. I can understand this request from her because she had been married previously and wasn’t looking to do the same work as she had years earlier. Of course you have to put the work in with your partner, but if only one of you is willing to do it, then you might need to look for someone who’s already been there. There is someone out there for everyone, so I am always telling people they do not have to lower their expectations to find love. What seems like a chore to one partner may be the next one’s favorite thing to do; stay true to yourself and what you deserve.
Lisa has come a long way in her journey with herself as well as finding someone who treasures all of her beautiful and complex layers. Being with someone who loves you for you is such a rewarding experience, but remember the work that goes into achieving this. The relationship you have with yourself is most important as it is the foundation for all of your other relationships, and it can create the most compassionate, beautiful world.
Ways to Engage: Think of 5 things you have sacrificed in the past or currently sacrifice for a relationship. What’s something nonnegotiable that you no longer want to give up when being in a relationship? Remind yourself of this while dating or speaking to your partner—don’t sacrifice something that nourishes your soul.
Episode 21 - Discerning the Lies from the Truth with Reverend Cheryl Kincaid
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warnings: mentions of abuse, sexual harassment, rape, incest, molestation
Our guest this week is Reverend Cheryl Kincaid, a persevering woman of honesty, faith, God, and justice. Her episode has some disturbing topics and although they are crucial to share and discuss, we want to make sure everyone takes care of themselves before, during, or after listening to the episode. Normally I choose to write about a specific talking point that really hits home for the episode, but I just can’t settle on one for Rev. Cheryl. Her journey through life has been waves of highs and lows, but her attitude remains dynamic and bright.
Rev. Cheryl’s upbringing was clouded with financial instability and abuse. Not only did she have much to learn, but she also had things to unlearn throughout her life. One story I felt the power of was her time in a disciple house where she heard women’s stories that aligned with hers. Every woman there had some story of abuse or harassment, even in faith spaces where they were supposed to be safe. So many of us have shared experiences that shouldn’t happen to anyone, but this just reaffirms that we are not alone in our struggles. It’s imperative to keep in mind that there isn’t something wrong with you and whatever happened isn’t your fault.
Another point Rev. Cheryl insists on is you do not have to go to a Christian therapist if you are a Christian. Depending on a person’s financial situation, specific therapists aren’t always available, but that’s okay; it does not make you any less of a Christian. Rev. Cheryl shared how she found a terrific therapist that was not Christian-based but still respected her ideology and took that into account during treatment. Most therapists are trained to respect your religious beliefs or backgrounds, no matter what it is. You don’t have to break the bank to find a therapist that is right for you, and there is no shame in asking for or receiving help. There is help out there for everyone, including free services that Rev. Cheryl lists in the episode that can benefit those in need.
I could continue writing about this episode for the rest of the season, but there’s one more thing I want to leave with readers in case the episode is too triggering to listen to as a whole. Rev. Cheryl says, “you cannot compare your insides with other people’s outside.” If you’re feeling turmoil inside, you cannot look at someone else and think the grass is greener with them. You have no idea what they have going on inside their head or in their life, so it does no good to beat yourself up about things out of your control. You are your own special self and it’s more important now than ever that we celebrate diversity. Even if someone’s life seems perfect on the outside, it doesn’t mean they don’t experience storms to get to the rainbow.
Rev. Cheryl’s work is revolutionary, creating safe spaces for all people, especially Christians who may not be getting the respect they deserve within their community. She’s written books and has her own blog, Wisdom for Life, to explore more of her kind soul. It’s comforting to know women like Reverend Cheryl are actively making the world a better place for those who need it the most.
Ways to Engage: What is a misconception you have about your life? For example, Rev. Cheryl shared her misconceptions with her faith as she continued to learn and grow throughout her life, understanding that there isn’t a correct way for a Christian woman to feel or act—it doesn’t make you any less of a person. Is there a misconception you had about your life when you were younger that you outgrew? What did you learn that made you realize this and how has that affected you going forward? Is there something you want people to know about yourself? Share your story with us and connect with others who have similar experiences, like Rev. Cheryl did.
Episode 20 - Worthy, Just Because You Are with Dr. Fanny Leboulanger
By Jessica Garrison
We are back this week with a familiar voice here at our network, Dr. Fanny Leboulanger. She is such a good friend of ours, both here on the podcast and on our 2024 Embracing Layers Radio Show. She unapologetically believes that we as women are enough and that we are not broken. This is one of my favorite things about her. It really impacts how she approaches helping women get in touch with their love for themselves, seeing themselves as worthy and valuable, creating spaces of safety for themselves, spaces of consent, so that each woman can truly open up and be able to experience pleasure in the way we were designed to.
“Self care is considering you exist, you deserve your time, you deserve your energy.” Fanny says this at the beginning of this episode, and it has really stuck with me since we recorded. I often say that we prioritize the things and people that we value. That is true of ourselves, but we don’t always treat ourselves that way, and this starts with exactly what Fanny says here, simply considering we are here and that we are deserving of our own time and care.
On the path to seeing pleasure and sexual health as part of our healthcare, we need to meet ourselves where we are. It starts with creating a space of safety, enjoying quiet time, even our favorite food (Fanny often talks about learning how to really enjoy a piece of chocolate fully and not rushing through eating it, but tapping into all of our senses). This is why Fanny approaches her work with such a mantra of self care, to unpack and acknowledge the healing and care that are necessary so that you can then open up to all the ways pleasure is possible for you, and the very healthy benefits of that.
Pay close attention to the Boundaries portion of the conversation as we unpack Dr. Leboulanger’s experience, how she views this in a way that is really helpful, and how it opens up the way we think about it, outside of the “catch phrase.” She always helps me see things in a way that I may have not thought about before and is always beneficial to me. We again talk about the role of self love in our lives, the impact it has on us, and how it helps solve a lot of the issues that necessitate boundaries in the first place. You’ll see what I mean when you get to this part of the episode :).
We talk about how we may regularly help others unpack their own stuff, but it can actually really be difficult to do that with ourselves even with a full bag of tools and resources. When we are forced to sit with and unpack all that can get in our own way of fully experiencing our own love and acceptance, it can require a lot of time and patience with ourselves to go down that road. Even with all the tools, we still have to come face to face with our story and what’s built up inside so that we can get to the root of what needs our love, acceptance, and attention. It’s so vital to be able to reconnect with our bodies and what we are actually feeling and experiencing, instead of disassociating from all the things that make us uncomfortable.
Dr. Fanny Leboulanger approaches this topic with such honesty, vulnerability, and wit. This really creates a space of authenticity and relatability to a topic that can be so difficult for many of us to address, and I am so thankful for how this approach and her tools have opened up safe opportunities for women to explore and connect with this part of themselves!
Ways to Engage: Have you considered how your relationship with yourself and how you feel about yourself impacts your ability to fully experience pleasure in general and through your sexual health? Think about that, and if taking some time to get curious about that and explore that more can impact your pleasure and sexual health capacity.
Episode 19 - Living Your Magic with Kristell Court
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: mentions of suicide
If you’re ready to “Unearth Your Magic,” then this is the perfect episode, full of advice, anecdotes, and a dazzling woman who continues to help others while on her own journey. Kristell Court is a kind, gracious, authentic, and altruistic person, and I immediately clicked with her message.
I loved listening to Kristell talk about prioritizing self care, and there’s a few things she mentioned that I do as well and have found to be quite effective in my embracing layers journey. Kristell says that she loves a slow morning, taking the time to get ready for the day both mentally and physically. I am usually not a morning person, so it takes me some time to get ready as well. Not everyone is able to spring out of bed right away and need to take some time for themselves in the morning; everyone is different and has to find the times of day that work best for them with their mind and body. Kristell works her “morning magic,” and that is a nonnegotiable for her.
Although every morning is reserved for Kristell, that doesn’t necessarily mean they all look the same. She tells us that she has a “self care menu” in the front of her planner that has a list of methods or activities she can try. It depends on what feels best for her body that day, and she’ll ask herself, “What do I need right now?” Engaging with her hobbies helps to raise the vibe of the morning and charges her up so she can start the day strong.
Kristell also takes the time to remind us that there’s various aspects to self care, and it isn’t always bodily care. Sometimes it can be financial, mindful, faithful, or soulful. No matter what it may be, it's important to find whatever works best for you and makes you feel nourished. Sometimes it’s massages, sometimes it’s going for a walk, and sometimes it’s watching your favorite trashy TV show. No matter what it is, you deserve to experience and enjoy the magic you create for yourself.
You can check out Kristell’s website to read her blogs, inquire about coaching, or to find out more of her story. Her life changing yet simple advice on self care has affected so many people, and I look forward to seeing what else she does in the future. Let us know your favorite part of the episode and how you plan on Unearthing Your Magic!
Ways to Engage: Try creating your own “self care menu.” Have different categories such as physical, mental, emotional, soulful, etc. and list a few things under each category that nourishes you. When the morning (or night) comes, look at the options you’ve laid out for yourself and do whatever you need for yourself in that moment.
Episode 18 - Unapologetic Audacity with Jecelyn Shenkin
By Jessica Garrison
Our next guest of the new year already has close ties to the F.E.E.L Podcast. Jecelyn Shenkin is our host, Melissa’s, daughter’s sister-in-law. If the last name sounds familiar it’s because Sierra and Tim Crook Shenkin were in an episode of the podcast back in season one. Theirs was a great episode about boundaries as guideposts, and Jecelyn has even more compelling stories and advice to share. Her character traits include audacious, driven, curious, and empathetic.
Jecelyn has a unique experience to share as she discusses living out of her own expectations versus others. Her childhood was fairly self-directed growing up because she was homeschooled and had a lot of freedom in her schedule. This was a great way for her to practice living out of her own expectations, and she says it served her well in the beginning. Jecelyn was confident in her ability to make decisions and do what is best for herself, which is a skill most people don’t discover until they reach independence with college or living on their own for the first time. However, she recalls her confidence starting to fade when she hit middle school.
It was then that she faced religious abuse, and unfortunately, this is not the first time we’ve heard of this happening. Church and religion can be incredible pillars in your life, and they have helped so many people for centuries. However, Jecelyn described her church as more like a controlling cult. If a church’s heart isn’t in the right place in its religious practices, then the damage done can last a lifetime. One clear example of this could be a church telling children they will go to Hell if they’re gay, rather than accepting and loving all people. This negatively impacts and shapes a child’s thinking, causing more harm than good by unleashing prejudice into the world. Although it isn’t always so black and white.
Jecelyn says her church experiences killed her confidence because there wasn’t room for strong, confident women in that community. In her mind, the person we start out as as a child is us. We are who we are unapologetically and freely until we’re influenced by those around us. We talk quite a bit on the podcast and blogs about healing your inner child, and Jecelyn makes the great point that by doing this, you’re able to get back to your true self. You can go back to that child you once were before anyone told you to act a certain way and live your life authentically, without worrying about the expectations of others. This is easier said than done, but I love the perspective Jecelyn brings to this conversation, and this truth can have such a great impact on us.
Professionally, Jecelyn is a marketing strategist, entrepreneur, and photographer; you can visit her website to check out more work and information. The experience she shares about in the blog is just one section of her hour-long episode, and I can’t wait to find out which talking points resonated the most.
Ways to Engage: When was the first time you felt you had control over your life, including with schedule, with hobbies, with style, or anything else you can think of? Do you still have confidence in these areas? If not, think about the reasons why you used to and don’t anymore. Are any of these reasons in your control? A step in the right direction could be letting reasons out of your control go and taking charge of the ones you can help. You have more power over your own life than you think you do, and it’s never too late to start living out of your own expectations.
Episode 17 - Finding Freedom in Unapologetic Living with Misty Laboy
By Jessica Garrison
As we celebrate the new year, it’s important to remember how far we’ve come over the past year and the clean slate we face with the upcoming one. Our episode with Misty Laboy is perfect to listen to and reflect upon the recent year. Her character traits include empowered, beauty, love, self love, and authenticity. These traits are apparent as she tells us her story and shares her journey.
In supporting women unapologetically, Misty has had an exceptional journey in becoming the person she is today and how she is able to help other women on their own paths. She says she used to think she loved herself because she liked the way she looked in the mirror, but as we learn one way or the other, beauty doesn’t equate to self love. Misty has discovered it’s more about the confidence she feels within and that projects into her physical appearance.
Misty’s current work includes being a transformation coach, helping her clients feel beautiful inside and out. I especially love that Misty helps anyone who identifies as a woman, including both cis and transgender women who are seeking out their true selves. A lot of times we are told that beauty is on the inside as we grow up, but then as we get older, we see those who match society’s standards of beauty being praised or excelling in the minds of others. I think there’s a balance to find within yourself, and what is beautiful to one may not be beautiful to the other. Although I still struggle with self esteem at times, it is miles better than what it was when I was in high school and college; it’s a path you have to embark on in your own time. My confidence affected all other aspects of my life without even realizing it, and I admire Misty supporting women in discovering who they are and being comfortable living in that skin.
Another area she addressed when it comes to supporting women in living unapologetically is social media. Misty is a social media influencer, and she’s not exempt from the pressure to post a perfect life for her followers. We tend to post whatever good is going on in our lives, but there’s always more to a picture than we think. Misty has become more authentic online, owning both the good and the bad parts of her life, sharing that it’s normal to experience these ups and downs. Especially being an influencer, it is such important work she’s doing by letting people know that just because someone’s life may seem perfect far away, everyone has their own struggles and tribulations. Social media can be a great tool or a great hindrance, and it isn’t for everyone. I deleted my Instagram for a while back in college because I found myself comparing too much. These people are traveling to my dream location, this person is so gorgeous, this person is getting married. It’s always good to disconnect from the world of the Internet and appreciate life for what it is—the good, the bad, and the ugly.
This blog is only a scratch on the surface of the conversation between Misty and Melissa, so I can’t wait for everyone to hear the rest of the episode. Misty’s website is available for anyone wanting to feel more comfortable in their own skin. Women like her are creating a shift in the world that we need to be able to experience more beauty and more love.
Ways to Engage: Think of some character traits that best describe you. Not ones that are physical or relate to your job. What are some traits that you love about yourself and give you confidence? Mix it up and try to name new ones each time you do this exercise and discover the layers within you that make you the beautiful, complex person you are today.
Episode 16 - Living in Excellence Instead of Perfection with Lynita Mitchell-Blackwell
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week, Lynita Mitchell-Blackwell, is a loving, kind, generous, and empowered woman. From the first few minutes of her conversation with Melissa, I was engaged in her stories and lessons; it’ll have you taking notes up to the very last moment.
The first talking point on the podcast, “Prioritizing Self Care”, really kicks off the theme of this episode of living in excellence rather than perfection. We have been met with the common issue over the podcast of women always putting others first, even if that isn’t in the best interest of herself. From a young age, we feel responsible for other people’s feelings or their happiness, and Lynita was no different. She says that women feel the need to take care of everybody, forgetting that we are also a body that deserves to be taken care of.
Lynita changes the phrasing of taking care of herself from being selfish to being soul-focused. Being soul-focused allows space for honesty and authenticity, and I absolutely love this phrasing. I think it is the perfect description for self care in the way it nourishes us, and there is nothing wrong with putting focus on the health and energy of your soul. This kind of switch can be difficult for some people in your life, especially if they’re used to you always putting their needs above your own. It’s a challenge for yourself as well because it is nice to be that person for a loved one, but you have to remember your own wellbeing. Lynita also reminds us that not everything is our responsibility. If you’re not there to help this person, then that doesn’t mean they won’t get what they need—they will just get it from elsewhere. It is life changing when we learn to take that weight off of ourselves and know that we are not responsible for other people’s happiness, even though it definitely feels that way sometimes.
I have quite a few quotes written down from this episode, but one I keep coming back to is, “Success is about joy, and that is an internal job.” Of course everyone is constantly trying to find happiness in life, and it shows itself in different ways. A lot of times we think it’s about money—the more money you have the more successful you are and therefore the happier you are. Lynita puts this into great perspective because if money is your scale of happiness, then that goal will always be shifting. Treating success and happiness as a priority for yourself, rather than putting it onto someone else or into a material item such as money, makes it more manageable and reachable. I definitely needed to hear this reminder, especially living in a time where finances continue to be a struggle for millions in the world.
This conversation Melissa had with Lynita is so powerful and full of necessary information. This blog reflects only the first talking point, so you can imagine how much impact this episode has once you’ve listened to the entire story. Lynita’s website is full of information and ways to participate with her in the field. Her story is one that is so important for not only women to hear, but anyone who is on a journey to feel more whole and fulfilled in life.
Ways to Engage: What has your idea of success been in the past? What is your idea of success now, and do you think of yourself as successful? Consider these after listening to Lynita’s episode and see how her mindset shifts your idea of success. It’s important to remain balanced and give yourself credit for how far you have come in your life.
Episode 15 - Art as a Path Home with Cindy Ingram
By Jessica Garrison
Our amazing guest, Cindy Ingram, is a passionate, creative, curious, compassionate, and authentic woman who has accomplished so much over the years. Her journey to becoming who she is today has not been an easy one with plenty of obstacles to overcome, but the work she has put in continues to reflect onto others and helps them become the best version of themselves.
Cindy has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, but she didn’t know it for the longest time. Without being able to understand why she was feeling or thinking a certain way, she felt lost. She would ask herself, “What’s wrong with me?” Having a neurodevelopmental condition isn’t anything to be embarrassed or ashamed of, but when we treat everyone as if they have the same brain, it can be like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Once Cindy was diagnosed, the pieces started coming together for her, and she could understand her way of thinking better. She’s a very inventive person, writing poetry and creating art, but the burnout she was experiencing kept her from doing what she loves.
At first, it felt like she was on her own in this journey, but she has since begun coaching and supporting others in living their life unapologetically. Cindy is able to now share her experience with the world, offer guidance, and serve as a reminder to people that they can still accomplish their dreams. With the right tools and information, anything is possible, and I’m thankful for people like Cindy who show us how living unapologetically is possible.
Cindy describes her 20s as painful, stumbling her way through life with only half of the information she should have had. A lot of people can be in denial of them or their children having autism, so it can go undiagnosed. It’s often seen as a negative trait to have, but the more we educate people and talk about the realities of having autism or ADHD, there will be less of a stigma around these words.
Being left to her own devices as a child meant it was even more difficult for Cindy growing up, trying to figure out why she was different from others and figuring out how to navigate this on her own. One of the main reasons for Cindy sharing her story is to bring more awareness and knowledge to these diagnoses. Even connecting with one person who is wondering why they think differently and changing their perspective for the better is a great achievement, but I know she’s reaching so many people with her art and her work.
You can visit Cindy’s website to check out her book, shop for her art, and sign up to work with her. You can also visit the CDC’s website for information and resources on both autism and ADHD. Remember, you are not alone in your thoughts and your journey. Just because it doesn’t make sense now doesn’t mean it never will.
Ways to Engage: Challenge yourself to consider a stereotype you hold or maybe have once held and think about the consequences of these stereotypes. Did you treat people differently? Judge them without knowing the whole story? Spread misinformation? We are all guilty of stereotyping at least once in our lives, even if we don’t realize it. It’s more important now than ever to recognize our past so we can work towards a better future.
Episode 14 - Show Up Unfiltered as Yourself with Amita Sharma
By Jessica Garrison
Amita Sharma is an adventurous and resilient dream lover who has so much knowledge to share with us. Although everyone’s experiences are unique, there’s quite a few parallels between her story and the others we hear from women of all ages.
The one area I want to highlight from Amita’s conversation is boundaries. She reminds us that baby steps in the beginning aren’t a negative thing and your efforts deserve to be recognized. There might be some setbacks but doing what feels best for you is the healthiest and most important. Amita found herself seeking approval and trying to keep everyone around her happy…sound familiar? People pleasing is ingrained in so many of us and I guess I never really noticed until listening to so many other women who have faced it too.
In trying to please everyone else, Amita’s self care activities and boundaries were the first things to go. She realized though that as she kept giving and giving to others, they wouldn’t do the same in return. Even if she asked for something small in return, they wouldn’t do it, and that became a wake up moment for Amita.
As Amita says, every woman has a passion for something, and I think this is an incredible reminder. There is always something out there that will fill up your cup and fuel you up, even if you haven’t found it yet. Whether it be reading or exercising, Amita knows she must carve out time for her to accomplish what she wants in order to feel good.
With this realization comes boundaries, especially when people are used to you being at their beck and call constantly. It always feels like there isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done that you want to, so if it’s important to you, make the time for it. There will always be someone who pushes against your boundaries, but by standing your ground, they will have no choice but to respect your choices. It’s critical that we keep space available for ourselves to nourish our soul, and Amita is a reminder of the endless possibilities of what we can accomplish when we do this.
It’s difficult at first, especially as a people pleaser, to stand by your boundaries. Remind yourself why you set the boundary in the first place. Remind yourself that you are worth the time and deserve to be taken care of. Amita is an amazing role model, not only for her work in boundaries, but also her lovely spirit. You can check out her resources on the Embracing Layers website and share your similar experiences with us. We’re all in this together.
Ways to Engage: Write down in your planner when you want to take time for yourself, no matter what the activity may be. Treat it as a non-negotiable, and keep the date with yourself. In the future, you can reflect on how this made you feel and how pleased you were with standing by your boundaries. You are worth the time you set aside for yourself.
Episode 13 - Healing Through Her Own Expectations with Chelsea Husum
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: sexual assault/rape
Our next guest describes herself as a homebody, passionate, enthusiastic, kind, positive, and a person who loves life. Chelsea Husum’s story this week is heart wrenching and captivating. I want to point out the trigger warnings for the episode in the beginning of the blog, but if you’re able, I want you to listen to the entire episode, take notes, and really listen to what she has to say. There were times I had to go back for notes because I was too busy listening to the incredible way Chelsea shares her experiences with F.E.E.L.
I really connected to Chelsea when she was talking about supporting women unapologetically. Growing up, she was always “the nice girl.” When she said this phrase, I remember saying something similar to this in a radio show episode, and it’s always strange to find out how connected our experiences are, but I think that’s what makes women so powerful. A lot of girls growing up are told to be “good” and to be “nice.” What that really means is to not cause any problems. Don’t speak up for yourself when you’re uncomfortable, smile when people tell you to, no talking back—just do whatever makes those around you happy. Boys will be boys, but you want to have a good, nice girl.
After many years, Chelsea felt that enough was enough, and she wouldn't continue to abide by these unspoken rules of what a nice girl needs to be. She realized how much better she deserves, and I think that’s a huge step in beginning your embracing layers journey. Once you see your worth, you start to treat yourself better and stop accepting less than what you deserve.
It’s important to surround yourself with good people, and this becomes inevitable once you see your worth. Sometimes the friends you had before are not the same ones to take on your new journey, and that’s okay. We should be with people who make us feel good about ourselves and build us up, rather than those who continue to tear us down. Chelsea’s friendships are very important to her, and she says she sneaks in lunches with them whenever she can, always creating time and space for these incredible women in her life. When others see her succeeding they can say, “I can do that too!” instead of looking at it from a competition standpoint. Chelsea shows how important it is to have someone who makes you feel seen, heard, and supported, and we can be the same person in return for them.
This has been one of my favorite episodes this season, and I love the points Chelsea chooses to emphasize in her journey. You can visit Chelsea’s website for more information on her, check out her book, and hear her on other podcasts. Take care of yourself after listening and remember the support you have around you.
Ways to Engage: Does listening to Chelsea’s episode bring up any past memories of childhood? Being told to be a nice girl when you wanted to do the exact opposite? It can be quite cathartic to write down what you were told to be, what you wanted to be, your emotions around all of it, and who you are now. Throw out the system of what we think raising girls should be like and let them be who they truly are.
Episode 12 - Pleasure is Your Birthright with Kari Assoignon
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week, Kari Assoignon, describes herself as funny, down-to-earth, passionate, quick-witted, receptive, well-rounded, loving, and supportive. After listening to this episode, I think everyone will agree with these traits and appreciate the heart Kari has for women.
Kari is a great advocate for sexual health, which ties into our physical, mental, and spiritual health as well. As a conscious dating and pleasure coach, Kari is educated in the physical and psychological benefits that pleasure brings to a woman, which is always fascinating to hear about. Usually, women’s pleasures are ignored, and there is a common theme among women that they don’t orgasm during sex. We want all women to be able to feel the pleasure they’re looking for, whether it be with a partner or on their own terms.
Discovering this passion wasn’t easy for Kari, and it wasn’t easy at first to live out of her own expectations. Her past career was her identity, but she knew she wanted something more. I’ve said the same thing myself about wanting more without really knowing what “more” is. It’s exciting to think about the adventures there are in the world to take, and there’s a trove of possibilities.
Although it isn’t easy to live out of your own expectations, Kari knows her truth and keeps coming back to it, which is so important to remember in our embracing layers journey. If there’s even a question in your mind about an opportunity, you don’t want to spend forever wondering “what if?” It’s worth seeing through, and this mindset has gotten Kari into her position of helping women experience their birthright.
She never thought she’d see herself in the position of a mentor or coach, but we need more people like Kari in this world to show us things we never thought possible before. The more you explore pleasure, the more natural it becomes, which emphasizes the importance of understanding your body. It’s about making that connection with yourself and discovering what you like. Kari asks clients questions like, “What’s blocking you? What is your sexual story? How do you write or rewrite it?” Hold yourself in your emotions to really understand what you want; you can’t tell your partner what you like if you don’t quite understand it yourself.
Kari has her own website where you can dive deeper into conscious dating, pleasure, and breathwork. It’s so refreshing to see this profession becoming more mainstream because we all deserve the chance to experience pleasure. Do what makes you feel comfortable and remember to love yourself along the way.
Ways to Engage: Think about the questions Kari asks during this episode: “What’s blocking you? What is your sexual story? How do you write or want to rewrite it?” Explore your thoughts, desires, and emotions towards your sexual story. Share it with your partner if you have one or write it down and reflect on it. Remember, pleasure is your birthright and you don’t need a partner to achieve it.
Episode 11 - Determining What You Will and Won’t Accept with Rachelle Davis
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is a self-motivating, spiritual, down-to-earth realist with an open mind, capable of seeing both sides of the story. As an Air Force veteran diagnosed with chronic fatigue, Rachelle Davis offers a unique perspective into the embracing layers journey.
While discussing the importance of supporting women in living unapologetically, Rachelle brought up the need for women to advocate for themselves, especially in the doctor’s office. We’ve had past guests share the dire need for this as well, but I want to bring attention to it specifically because it could potentially mean life or death. Women are not always believed, especially in doctor’s offices. It’s an overreaction, it’s hormones, we’re emotional, or we just need to lose a bit of weight. Thankfully, people like Rachelle exist and remind us how necessary it is to fight for yourself—you’re the one who will do it the best.
You know how your body feels and if something feels uncomfortable, then you need to stand by that statement that something isn’t right. People may try to convince you that it’s all in your head, it’s a minor diagnosis, and maybe even offer up some pills to help the symptom go away. However, Rachelle reminds us to get to the root causes of our pain or uneasiness; treating one part of your concerns may help for a little while, but it won’t heal the whole problem. We have to treat the whole symptom rather than just one part of it. For example, fatigue might mean something on its own, but combined with headaches or chest pain, the results could change entirely. We have to look at the big picture within our bodies to improve and protect ourselves.
For Rachelle, being in the military meant she was government property. Whatever her assignment was for the day, she had to complete it, even if she wasn’t in the best headspace. She was happy to do it, however this mindset has stuck with her for quite some time, and it can be difficult to unlearn habits. But Rachelle has found her answer with a chronic fatigue diagnosis and has been able to overcome the difficulties. This episode is a reminder that one doctor is not the end all be all, and there’s nothing wrong with getting a second opinion. There is of course a time and place for traditional medicine, but sometimes a holistic approach can be more beneficial, depending on what your concerns are.
You can read more about Rachelle’s journey with chronic fatigue on her website and check out the resources on the Embracing Layers page. I hope hearing Rachelle’s story encourages women to advocate for themselves when it comes to their health, as well as all other aspects in life.
Ways to Engage: Next time you go to the doctor’s, even if it’s just for a check-up, think of any concerns you may have beforehand. Write them down and mention any concerns you may have. If you’re not convinced it’s what is best for you, then seek out other opinions. No one knows your body more than you do and it’s important we treat it with the respect it deserves.
Episode 10 - More Possibilities, Less Judgment with Kathy Hadizadeh
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week, Kathy Hadizadeh, is a colorful woman who is known for her smile and enthusiasm for life. Even though I haven’t met Kathy personally, after listening to her episode and working on this blog, I adore who she is and what she stands for.
The conversation of boundaries stuck out to me greatly during this episode because Kathy covers a variety of facets that we don’t always think of but are important to remember nonetheless. She brought up the difference in stressors that I think everyone should know about. Not all stressors are bad, even though the word has a negative connotation. The kind of stress we don’t want is called distress, and that can negatively impact our bodies and health; it’s what we immediately think of when we hear the word stress. However, there is another stressor called eustress that is actually beneficial to us, keeping us motivated and focused. A few examples of what can cause eustress are starting a new job, traveling, or meeting new people. Kathy talks about the significance of knowledge in our lives, and by continuing to educate ourselves, we can discover our best selves along the way.
There’s many layers when it comes to our boundaries, and we’re constantly learning about ourselves as we maneuver our way through life. As Kathy pointed out, if we’re not feeling good in our bodies or in our minds, then we’re not likely to make good decisions. Sustaining boundaries is similar to self care—if we don’t stand by them, then it continues to weigh on us until we don’t have a choice anymore. We reach a point of exhaustion or burnout (another difference that Kathy reminds us is important to learn), but we don’t want to see people hit a wall before they start taking care of themselves. By starting now, you have a better chance of understanding your boundaries and why sticking to them matters.
Melissa always introduces our guests by their character traits rather than what they do for a living because we are more than just our jobs. We are more than just a banker, engineer, doctor, teacher, or whatever profession the guest may have. However, with how much we expect people to work in our society and the importance we put on our careers, it becomes a part of our identities as Kathy points out, and it can become difficult to let go. Working is a balance, and that’s where our boundaries are typically tested the most.
I could go on forever with the topic of boundaries, let alone everything else in this episode, but Kathy has her own website where you can check out her story, her mission, and how she helps others. She has such a powerful story, and there is a great deal to take away from it—I can’t wait to hear what everyone else’s favorite parts were.
Ways to Engage: Next time you’re feeling stressed, decipher how this may impact you. Is it eustress that can be beneficial for your body? Or is it distress, and you need to take a few moments to breathe. Sometimes we confuse excited stress for nervousness, and it can change our whole mindset by getting a new perspective. Not all stress is bad, and by learning more and creating conversations, we can begin to move past this common misconception.
Episode 9 - Get Connected With Loving Yourself with Fran Bailey
By Jessica Garrison
Fran Bailey is a nurturing, caring, joyful, and loving woman who does so much for the community of healing. There is a remarkable amount to learn from her journey and how she has become such an inspiration for self love.
Being a healer, Fran is very connected to the physical and spiritual aspects of health. Your body is your vessel (and the only one you get), so it should get the care it deserves. Fran does body work and meditation every day and helps others in these endeavors as well, though healing can look like a variety of things. Just like when we talk about self care, what works for one may not work for all, so it’s important to listen to what your body wants.
During this talking point, Fran says, “You’re allowed to be here. You’re allowed to change. You have permission,” and I just had to underline, highlight, and star that quote. We tend to get caught up in outside noise of what others want us to do and where they think we should be going. One of the most important things during your journey is to trust your body and allow yourself to exist where you are in the moment.
You’re allowed to be in this place in your life and take up space. You’re allowed to change your mind, change your views, change your appearance, or change anything that doesn’t align with you; it’s no one else’s business what you’re doing for yourself, especially when it’s what you need. We have to give ourselves permission to feel and then act upon those feelings. Give yourself permission to take a nap in the middle of the day because your body is tired. Give yourself permission to cancel plans because your anxiety is heightened or give yourself permission to go for a longer run when you have pent up energy. Whatever it may be, we need to give our minds and bodies what they need to continue to grow.
It doesn’t have to be long activities either that free up your body. Fran talks about a 20 minute piece she designed to focus on people’s pressure points because she understands time is limited for people. It may take time to find what works best in healing your body, but it’s worth it in the end to have those tools and resources.
You can check out Fran’s website for services or to learn more from her courses, and her personal resources will be on the Embracing Layers website. Through this episode, I hope everyone can begin the journey to finding what heals their mind and body.
Ways to Engage: Try starting a day to day journal of your feelings—both emotional and physical. Correspond these feelings with an activity or exercise that aligns with what you need for the day to either sustain this feeling or develop a healthier outlook for the day.
Episode 8 - No More Painful Periods & More with Isabella Thor
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: suicide, infertility, stillbirth
We love to have discussions that benefit women, even if they aren’t always deemed “appropriate.” Periods are a fact of life, and it’s imperative that women receive as much information as they can. Isabella Thor is a loving, playful, and orgasmic woman who brings so much to the F.E.E.L conversation.
Isabella expresses the importance of setting time aside for yourself everyday, and I couldn’t agree more. For her, the time is spent stretching and moving her body, but this could be anything that makes you feel nourished. It’s about giving yourself the time you deserve, and we have to remember it isn’t selfish to think this way. When I first started writing for the podcast, I was a guest on a season 2 episode entitled “Prioritizing the Time.” I’m a huge advocate for people scheduling their self care time or any time they want for just themselves.
Sometimes I’ll hear a friend say they want to see a particular movie, but they don’t have any time. If it’s something you really want to do, then you should be able to set aside 2 hours for yourself out of the week to do it. No matter what it may be, scheduling that self care time can be life changing, and this in turn helps to develop boundaries.
It isn’t easy to set boundaries, especially if you don’t have a lot of practice at it. There might be some pushback from people in your life who aren’t used to it, but you have to stand by what makes you happy, and your time is valuable. Sometimes it even creates a positive domino effect where others will feel inspired to do the same.
Isabella offers a great breathing exercise for times you’re feeling rushed, overwhelmed, or caught in a thought loop (a thought loop is a pattern of repetitive thoughts that can contribute to mental health issues like anxiety, depression, and obsessive-compulsive disorders). Slow everything down by breathing in, holding your breath, exhaling, and holding again in 5 second increments. I always think in my head that breathing exercises won’t work, but then when I utilize them, it really helps to bring my anxiety down. Even if you haven’t tried it before, see if this helps with the anxiety that setting boundaries can bring.
There’s a free article Isabella mentions during the episode entitled, The 5 Steps to Resolve Period Pain for Good, that offers further insight into a pain free period. Her expertise and kind hearted attitude makes this an episode you definitely won’t want to miss!
Ways to Engage: Think of something you’ve wanted to do recently but haven’t found the time to do it. Not something someone else has been bugging you to do or something work related, but an activity that nourishes your soul. Carve time out of your schedule, write it in your planner, and stand by your boundaries to accomplish it. Sometimes you have to push yourself to make the time, but it’s so worth it in the end.
Episode 7 - Making the Most of the Little Moments with Kristin Lefforge
By Jessica Garrison
Kristin Lefforge is someone who Melissa has wanted to have on the podcast for quite some time, and I can say that it was definitely worth the wait. Kristin describes herself as determined, giving, empathic, and curious, with a little bit of sarcasm sprinkled in. As a therapist, Kristin has a lot of tools to share when it comes to your journey in finding empowerment and embracing layers.
In this blog, I want to focus on the final talking point and how Kristin describes living out F.E.E.L. We talk a lot on the podcast about starting the journey and the importance of staying on the path, even when it becomes difficult. Some areas are easier to conquer than others, but odds are there will be at least one thing that will stop you in your tracks. However, I want people to remember the reason for all of their hard work and to see how rewarding it is when you keep fighting the good fight.
By living out F.E.E.L, Kristin is more grounded with herself and has more humility. She says even though there weren’t huge mountains for her to climb, she didn’t just walk right into the life she has now. She had to listen to all aspects of her body: physical, spiritual, emotional, and mental. Once she started to listen, she could act upon it and move towards what she truly wanted. Kristin is proud of the life she has created and wouldn’t change anything about it. For me, the reason for embarking on a journey like this is to have the life I fantasize for myself and to get there with no regrets.
By focusing on yourself, putting intention into your work and your life, you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to. Even when things get difficult or seem impossible, you have to remember the end goal you’re working towards. There is a happy and healthy light at the end of the tunnel, and I think Kristin captures this reminder perfectly. Her episode is full of dedication, hope, and inspiration to start your journey as soon as possible.
As for all our guests, Kristin’s resources will be listed on our website, and I highly recommend checking them out. Even a small step forward is a step in the right direction, a point I hope everyone remembers as they begin their journey. Being proud of the life you’ve created for yourself isn’t selfish or bragging, but rather a reminder to everyone that they can achieve that too. When we look back on our life, it will be the little moments that added up to the most important.
Ways to Engage: By starting your journey to living out F.E.E.L, what are some goals you want to see yourself achieve? Make sure these are goals you want to achieve, rather than something an outside voice is telling you to do. Write them down and come back to them every so often to see how your goals have changed. It’s rewarding to remind yourself what you’re working towards and to see how it all comes together over time.
Episode 6 - Standing Up & Finding Your Value with Dana Diaz
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings for episode: Discussion of sensitive topics such as abuse, domestic violence, suicide
It’s always important to talk about heavy topics, but you also have to do it with a delicate dialogue, and Dana Diaz does this so incredibly well throughout the episode. She describes herself as normal, a helper, a learner, and has a desire to live in her truth.
There’s something in each talking point I could get into, but the one that stuck with me the most was “Accepting the Layered Aspects of Yourself.” With Dana’s history, it took a long time for her to be able to discover who she truly is, not the person others wanted her to be. It was a survival instinct to conform to what the people around her said, but lately she’s been able to discover herself. We shouldn’t live in the past hoping we can change it; we should be moving forward to a more authentic life.
It’s inevitable that we’ll make mistakes, but Dana emphasizes that growth is essential for moving forward and forgiving ourselves. What I loved most about this conversation is that she says it’s important to forgive ourselves, but we don’t necessarily have to forgive others. I constantly hear that we should forgive those who have done us wrong in order to feel at peace, but that’s never sounded right to me. Unfortunately, there are some things that people do that are unforgivable. Why should we have to forgive them in order to be happy? I agree we should forgive ourselves and not hold onto the anger of mistakes we’ve made, but we don’t have to forgive those we aren’t ready to forgive. Sometimes it’s harsh or doesn’t sound fair, but offering forgiveness you don’t mean can be even more damaging. I’m thankful that Dana brought this up in the conversation and proved that you can live your life authentically and happily without forcing yourself to do things you don’t want to do.
Dana is currently the author of two books that go into more detail of her past, Choking on Shame: The Scapegoat Child in a Narcissistic Family and Gasping for Air: The Stranglehold of Narcissistic Abuse, as well as her own website for more information on her story. I commend her for her vulnerability, honesty, and strength to become the person she is today. It isn’t easy to put your story out there for others to hear or judge, but by sharing her truth, she is able to change the lives of so many who need it.
Ways to Engage: Think of a moment in your life that you believe you should forgive yourself for. It can be difficult at first, so start small if that helps. Offering forgiveness to your past self can help you heal and move forward in a healthy way with the future. Meditate, write it down, or do whatever works best for you to conjure up the memories and emotions necessary.
Abuse/Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233
Suicide/Crisis Lifeline: 988
Episode 5 - Becoming an Expert in Kindfulness with Jen Schwytzer
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is Jen Schwytzer, an authentic, kind, and passionate expert, who extends her generosity to her community. From coaching to educating to fostering children, Jen’s well rounded experiences open a whole new world to the F.E.E.L Podcast.
There’s a lot of “hats” that Jen wears, and these just contribute to her beautiful, complex layers. She says that she is still working on discovering them, but it is a lifelong journey for most of us; there’s always something new to learn about yourself. As we get older, we also find more layers that we may have never thought of before.
I love the conversation Jen and Melissa have about the nonlinear journey with layers. There will be some days you feel amazing about yourself, like you’re doing everything right and you’re exactly where you want to be. But then there will be days when you feel the opposite, but it’s important to remember that that’s okay. Not everyday will be perfect, but that’s part of the journey of uncovering your layers. We need these harder days to discover the layers that might not be so pleasant, but they are just as necessary to understand.
Adaptability and flexibility are characteristics we need to survive because, although we wish it would, things don’t always go according to plan. Even if something seems inconvenient at first or you don’t feel prepared to handle the situation, it could be brought to you for the better. I try to tell myself everything happens for a reason, even if it seems negative at first. It might not seem like it at the time, but there might be a better opportunity further down the road or I’m being prepared for something better. These events can help you uncover the spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical layers that will help you grow.
Jen has so much to offer throughout this episode, and I’m excited for everyone to hear it. Our conversations about layers are monumental and they really make a difference in the community. Jen’s journey is one that’s already incredible in nature, but she continues to grow and shine everyday.
Ways to Engage: What are some layers you’ve been happy to uncover? What are some you’ve been disappointed to uncover? What were the reasons behind these emotions? Looking back, how has it affected your journey by discovering these layers? What emotions do you have now about them? It’s important for us to reflect upon our layers and how they’ve made us who we are today.
Episode 4 - Self Care is Healthcare with Vashti Kanahele
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: Mention of Sexual Assault briefly (in regards to PTSD)
The best ways to describe Vashti Kanahele are fierce, loyal, brave, empathetic, and passionate. All of these traits are admirable ones that many people aspire to have. Vashti showcases her incredible character throughout the episode and brings a perspective to the podcast that we don’t usually get.
I could go on forever about Vashti’s episode and how many important layers she brings to the conversation, but something I really connected with was her stance on supporting women in living unapologetically. She is passionate about helping other women, and with her husband being a diplomat, she hears women’s stories across many different countries, languages, and cultures. Vashti mentions that when we ask someone how they are, they tend to say, “I’m fine,” even if that’s not really the case. Not everyone has the continuity of care or support, so women get used to brushing off the truth.
Vashti used the analogy of putting a bandaid over a wound but not getting down to the root cause of the problem. We can say we’re fine and heal ourselves for a short period of time, but that isn’t digging deep enough to understand why it happened in the first place. Without understanding the true cause of our emotions or physical ailments, then they will keep returning.
She supports women having all of their options presented to them, and Vashti wants to help women advocate for themselves. It’s always easier to advocate for someone else than ourselves, and when we’re in a struggling society, it’s also easy to let things go. However, you’re not doing yourself any favors by pushing off the real problems and trudging through the hardships. Sometimes it’s the only option for survival, but it won’t hold you up forever.
It’s always so exciting to hear these stories from women on the podcast because everyone brings a different perspective to how they see the world, and Vashti was no exception. By sharing her outlook and knowledge with us, as well as all the work she does for women, Vashti inspires us to keep an open mind. Her incredible resources will be listed on our website, and I encourage everyone to check them out and think about our ways to engage. This conversation is one we’ve had before but one we want to see continue.
Ways to Engage: Think of an example of when you continued saying you were fine even when you were falling apart inside—we all have those moments. Can you think of a time when a friend was doing the same thing, and you wanted to offer them help or support? In moments that you feel tired, rundown, or burnt out, remind yourself to treat yourself like a friend in a moment of need. Give yourself the same grace and patience, and reach out to someone you know you would do the same for. We are all here for each other, and there’s incredible spaces for women to support other women.