Episode 28 - Podcasthon Feature Episode: The Story of Herstory
By Jessica Garrison
Welcome to our Podcasthon feature episode! Podcasthon is an incredible organization that brings podcasters together from all over the world to raise money and awareness for various charities. This is the 3rd edition of Podcasthon, but the 1st edition of F.E.E.L on Podcasthon! We are featuring Herstory Writers Network, a nonprofit organization that utilizes the art of memoir writing to connect with people in the community. The network originated in Long Island, NY but has since grown to be accessible from anywhere, offering both in person and remote writing circles.
Melissa is joined by Erika Duncan (founder, artistic director) and Helen Dorado Alessi (organizational management consultant, facilitator) who shares the journey of Herstory and how it has impacted so many lives. If you recognize one of these names, it’s because Helen has been with us before! Back in season one, Helen joined us in episode 7, “Embracing Herself and Others Unapologetically.” It’s pretty cool to look back over the years and see how far not only we have come in that time, but also how far Helen has come with her work and with Herstory.
Erika and Helen go back and forth with the talking points, sharing their perspective of how Herstory has influenced the way people live their lives and the way they express themselves. Helen says that society is all different walks of life, and you need everyone in the room. Diversity is essential when it comes to art, and writing is a branch of art. It isn’t about inclusion or exclusion, but about allowing everyone to have a voice and express empathy and compassion. This isn’t just a place for women, though it began as a way for women to write freely and share their experiences in a judgment-free zone.
Erika says it’s critical for people to be both the one who shares their story and the one who listens to the stories. No one is “forced” to share their writing, but it happens naturally, and people eventually open up because of the honest energy in the room. Erika loves what she does, and it’s admirable to offer a space for people to discover their feelings authentically. Melissa has attended the writing workshop before, and I can only imagine the electricity that pulses through the room during one of these workshops. Everyone has the opportunity to submerge themselves within everyone’s stories and struggles, allowing people to become more open-minded and empathetic. The stories of abuse, pain, or heartache makes people think that could have been me. Writing is a transportation device that offers a new world to step into that is different from the one you’re used to.
The work these two women are doing, as well as the rest of the staff with Herstory Writers Network, are changing lives. Their outreach has proven to be effective and we are honored to feature them in this spotlight for Podcasthon. This episode is a bit longer than usual, but it is full of amazing stories and anecdotes you’ll want to hear for yourself.
Ways to Engage: Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort zone. Attend a writing workshop, share your writing in an online forum, or anything that puts yourself out there as a storyteller. Read other people’s stories, comment on them, and make them feel seen and heard.
Episode 27 - Living Well With Bipolar Via Her Own Expectations with Paris Scobie
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: mentions of sexual abuse and suicide
Welcome to the final episode of season 7! We will be featuring a special episode a couple of days from now, but in terms of traditional episodes, Paris Scobie is a great way to finish off the season. She has been on our podcast before as Paris Prynkiewicz, sharing her journey as a Bipolar wellness coach, changing the way that people see and hear the word Bipolar. Paris is a resilient, passionate, and driven community builder, overcoming any obstacle that may present itself.
I especially loved hearing Paris share her journey with boundaries, even more so this time around. She says there’s boundaries with everyone: family, friends, lovers, and especially yourself. We tend to put ourselves last on all of our lists, but this is where our boundaries tie into our self care. You have to set that time aside for yourself and stick to it, even if someone is trying to pull you in a different direction. As Paris reminds us, we can find the time. For example, rather than using 30 spare minutes she has to doom scroll on social media, she’ll direct her attention to something else, like reading, journaling, or doing a breathing exercise.
Paris also shares the struggles she’s faced with boundaries. When she restricted her alcohol intake, she didn’t set a clear boundary for it. Alcohol simply didn’t make her feel good, so she didn’t want to feel the need to have a drink every time she goes out with a friend or her partner. However, after having a glass of wine at an event, she says she beat herself up over it. She felt hypocritical, boasting a “sober lifestyle” and then having a glass of wine. But Paris realized she doesn’t have to explain herself to people. She can remain primarily sober and enjoy a glass of wine every so often without feeling guilty. It’s more about how she is feeling within her mind and body, rather than what things may look like from the outside. She loves where she’s at right now and is investing time and energy into that aspect of her life.
These boundaries tie into her health as well, recognizing that the negative self-talk we do to ourselves manifests itself and stays with us—if you tell yourself enough, you will actually start to believe it, even if it isn’t true. Give yourself the patience and grace you need to be able to grow and become stronger on your journey to living authentically and unapologetically.
Paris is a great friend to the Embracing Layers Network, and we will be seeing her again soon! We will be going live with Paris on Substack Wednesday, March 19th at 6 PM EST/3 PM PST. Download the Substack app so you don’t miss notifications for when we post and go live! Bring your questions to the live as we explore F.E.E.L even deeper with Paris.
Ways to Engage: Think of ways you can incorporate more time for yourself throughout the day. If you would normally be scrolling on your phone while waiting in line or before bed, take the time to do something mindfully. You’ll start to feel the difference between the days that your mind is constantly busy and the days you take some extra time to be in the present moment.
Episode 26 - Treat Yourself the Way You Want Others to Treat You with Yahne Sneed
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: allusions of suicide
This episode starts a little bit different from most because there were some technical difficulties while recording, so we open further down the road. But don’t worry! Our guest, Yahne Sneed, does an amazing job covering all of our talking points within the last few that Melissa prompts.
In our book, Embracing Layers Unapologetically, accepting the layered aspects of yourself is the first talking point discussed, even though it comes at the end of each episode. However, there’s a reason we decided to put it at the top. It’s something you need to be aware of in the beginning of your journey because without accepting the layered aspects of yourself, it’s challenging to move forward.
In Yahne’s life, she thought she had to put others above herself to receive love in return, but she wasn’t sharing any of that love with herself. She reached a point where she was tired of letting herself down, just tired of being tired. The unknown is scary, and Yahne was nervous about discovering her layers without knowing what she would find. However, the need to become more self-assured was greater than her fear, and when Yahne sets her mind to something, it’s going to get accomplished. She is incredibly passionate about what she wants to do, and her accomplishments have been receiving acknowledgement. I think that’s why it’s also important to praise people you see who are trying their best or are doing a good job at making progress. Sometimes that little compliment or recognition will keep them going and remind them why they’re doing it. I love to be that person for people and it’s clear that Yahne is that person, too. She knows what it’s like to be in a dark place, and her growth shines a light for others to see their way out of it as well.
When you reach a point of loving yourself fiercely, you stop caring so much about what other people think of you. It was great to hear Yahne talk about leaning into her features she’s confident of, rather than dwelling on the features she may not like as much. She knows she is a beautiful person, not only on the outside, but also on the inside. It’s not easy to have that kind of confidence, but the best place to start is uncovering your layers so you can love and appreciate your authentic self. As Yahne can attest, the hard work is worth it in the end to be able to truly and fully love yourself.
Yahne has since used her skills to become a mindset coach and inspirational speaker, spreading her infectious positivity with everyone around her. Listening to her speak to these talking points was an eye opening experience, and it gets you excited to fall in love with yourself. If you’re starting out with accepting the layered aspects of yourself, I highly recommend this episode. Share with us your thoughts and how Yahne’s spirit inspires you to start your journey.
Ways to Engage: Think about what’s stopping you from uncovering your layers. Is it fear? Is the idea overwhelming? Whatever the reason may be, work towards uncovering your layers piece by piece. Start small and superficial if that’s easier, such as pointing out things you like about yourself rather than staring at all the things you wish you could change. Take the first step of loving yourself and giving yourself the treatment you ultimately deserve.
Episode 25 - Speaking Up For Yourself with Sarika Singh
By Jessica Garrison
As we get closer to the end of season 7 and the beginning of season 8, this episode serves as a great reminder of how many incredible stories there are to share. It amazes me how the same talking points are covered each episode, but we are always met with diversity, open minds, and different points of view. The perpetual pupil, Sarika Singh, is a great example of this. She is patiently impatient (same), genuinely gullible, courageously consistent, and innately intuitive.
A question that is sometimes difficult to answer is the question of “why.” A great simile Sarika uses is that her why is like a live document—it is always changing. She asks herself a lot about her why, making sure it always aligns with what she’s doing and the type of person she wants to be. When she reflects upon her actions, she wants them to be not only impactful and satisfying, but also for the good of others. Sarika wants to spread the positivity and give other women the confidence to be their most authentic selves.
Sarika shares a story with Melissa about a time she was sitting in a hospital waiting room, and this truly puts into perspective the kind of woman Sarika is. She saw a woman sitting alone and went over to ask if she was okay. As we all do whenever someone asks us if we’re okay, she said, “yes, I’m fine.” Deep down, Sarika knew this woman was not okay and showed her that she was willing to listen if the woman needed to get anything off of her mind. The woman admitted she wasn’t okay and was able to share her story with Sarika. Without trying, listening to this woman’s story helped Sarika forget about her own pain of why she was there. Just by offering someone kindness and patience changed the aura of both herself and a stranger. Sarika thought to herself, I am making a difference.
It got me thinking about how we always tell people we’re good when they ask us how we are, even if we don’t mean it. And we don’t expect people to answer us truthfully either if we’re the ones who ask. I can speak for myself when I say I always expect people to say they’re good when I ask them how they are. And whenever people ask how I am, I almost always say good. My other line is when they ask, “How’s it going?” I say, “it’s going…” Keeping Sarika’s story in mind is a great way for all of us to remember why we do what we do, and it keeps this part of our journey in check.
I was back and forth between a couple of talking points I wanted to address specifically in this blog, in particular the connection between our physical and mental health. Listen to the rest of the episode, and let us know which talking point was your favorite and what you learned from it. Sarika is such an enchanting woman to listen to, and you can feel how genuine she is in her voice. People like her are excellent role models to continue to look up to, and I’m glad the podcast has brought her into our lives.
Ways to Engage: Challenge yourself to answer honestly when someone asks how you are and vice versa. Are you feeling hopeful? Exhausted? Overwhelmed? Think of another adjective other than “good.” If someone responds that way when you ask how they are, ask if that’s true. “Are you really good?” It can mean the world to someone when you show sincere interest in them and want to be a person they can open up to.
Episode 24 - A Little Rule Breaking and A Lot of Healthy Living with Marjorie Burns
By Jessica Garrison
I absolutely adore our guest this week; her lively episode is filled with so many gems to keep in mind throughout your journey. Marjorie Burns describes herself as a shy showoff, tomboy, romantic realist, trusting skeptic, lazy go-getter, optimist, and rule-abiding rebel. If her character traits aren’t enough to pull you in, then I’m not sure what will.
If I had to pick a favorite part of the episode, it would probably be towards the end, listening to Marjorie discuss accepting the layered aspects of herself and living out F.E.E.L. Accepting your layers isn’t as simple as it sounds because there isn’t just one thing to accept. There are many different parts to us, and we don’t know about some of them until we start to do the work to uncover the layers. Marjorie has such a positive attitude when it comes to this though, because the layers are what keeps it interesting. When there’s always something new to discover about yourself, it can be exciting. Not everything will be negative, and going in with an open mind can have a bigger impact than you think. It’s about growth and seeing how far you’ve come, even if you struggle at times. Marjorie reminds us that everyone slips up once in a while—we’re human after all. However, she urges us to not make the same mistake twice. She spins this in an amusing way by saying it’s more fun to make a different mistake than to keep making the same one.
I also want to share Marjorie’s advice about taking people as they are, leaving toxic people in the past. We’ve talked about this before with relationships because we feel like we need to make every single one work, but that just isn’t realistic. As Marjorie pointed out, it’s more difficult when you’re younger and are clouded by insecurities. There’s still so much to learn in the world, so you tend to put up with a lot more bullshit when you’re younger versus when you get older; I think we just get so tired of it when we’re older, which makes us finally speak up. But we don’t want anyone to have to wait until they reach their breaking point before they start to put themselves first. Remember, not everyone is meant to be in your life and not everyone is willing to do the work. All of this comes with time and experience, but listening to Marjorie share her life story and all of her knowledge really puts it into perspective for us.
Throughout the episode, Marjorie also shares her journey with writing a children’s book inspired by her grandson, the value she has for the outdoors, and the many degrees she has obtained over the years. She has an incredible outlook on life with so much more to share, so I encourage everyone to listen to the episode and check out more from Marjorie. It’s incredible stories like hers that keep us going and can change the world.
Ways to Engage: Think of some character traits for yourself, starting small if you prefer. Funny, smart, kind, etc. Then, dig a little deeper into your layers and what your thoughts are, rather than traits someone else has maybe given to you. Even if they seem like an oxymoron, stay true to yourself and get creative. Take the first step of your journey to accept the layered aspects of yourself and embrace all of your beautiful, complex layers.
Episode 23 - Doing Less Equals Living More with Hannah Lynn Tackett
By Jessica Garrison
The F.E.E.L Podcast’s latest guest, Hannah Lynn Tackett, is a stubborn and optimistic woman who shares her experience with burnout after putting everyone else above herself. This led her to the world of holistic health, and she’s been living her best life ever since.
Hannah mentions something that I feel is so important to share when discussing the connection between physical and mental health, and that’s body cues versus emotional cues. The physical cues of burnout are usually noticed first, such as a headache or feeling fatigued all the time. An emotional cue could be resentment towards the people you love, though we don’t tend to take notice of this until the damage is already done. Personally, I think the emotional cues are harder to identify, and that’s why they get ignored so often. It can be difficult to find the right words to describe how you’re feeling—you might not even realize you’re feeling a certain emotion until it manifests itself in a physical way.
As Hannah says, it’s crucial for us to tune in to our emotions and be able to see the red flags for ourselves before digging a deeper hole. For example, if you’re feeling short-tempered with someone in your life, it could be because you’ve spent too much time with them lately and you need a mental break, or there is something deeper within that is causing you to lash out. Even if you don’t know exactly what emotion you’re feeling, that’s okay. It’s still beneficial to communicate how you’re feeling and maybe even how your body is reacting to something, rather than pushing it down further inside yourself.
Another thing I want to mention from this segment is the idea of “training” people to help you. At first I didn’t understand how this was possible because how are you supposed to train someone who has their own thoughts and ways they want to do things? But listening to Hannah further and thinking about it, we do this all the time. We teach people how to treat us and we can train them to help us. An example I can think of for myself is when I’m upset or crying, I tell people around me how I like to be comforted or what makes me feel better and over time, they learn and do it on their own. It isn’t like you’re controlling the people around you—you’re just communicating to them.
Burn out is something we all deal with at one point or another in our busy lives, but it’s comforting to know that there’s women like Hannah who have not only learned how to deal with these problems, but also offer to help other women who may be struggling. Her episode is full of treasures to hold onto for any situation you may need help for. Let us know what your favorite part of the episode was and/or what your biggest takeaway was. I know Hannah will continue this important work as she continues to say yes to what makes her feel more alive.
Ways to Engage: Continue to check in with your mind and body, especially during times of high pressure or stress. Remember the physical cues of burnout will most likely show up first, but also be sure to pay attention to the emotional cues your body may be giving you. Write them down if that helps or discuss it with someone close to you. Listen to what your body is telling you and take care of yourself in the way that you need most.
Episode 22 - Embracing Accountability & Healthy Relationships with Lisa Shield
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warnings: mentions of abuse
This week we are joined by the playful, original, heart-centered, and passionate Lisa Shield. What began as the chance to find true love has evolved into a personal transformation and the ability for Lisa to use her knowledge and experience to help others.
As a dating and relationship coach, people tend to look at Lisa like she has it all figured out and has always had the perfect dating life. However, this is far from the truth. Lisa has put in a lot of work to find the “guardian of her soul,” but she had to look inward as well as looking outward. She says self care was at the heart of finding her husband, and she needed this to develop the confidence to be able to accept the love she deserved. Relationships are a spiritual practice for Lisa, and in addition to doing the personal inner work, this keeps her healthy in mind and body.
Lisa brought up a tactic she uses with clients that I think everyone should try. She will have them list 5 things they have sacrificed in past relationships that they want to make a point of to find in their next or current relationship. For example, let’s say you sacrificed painting as a hobby to spend more time with your partner, but that was something that really nourished your soul. Weave that back into your schedule, making time for both your partner and activities you love.
It’s so important for partners to respect one another’s time and boundaries. You are more than just your partner; you have hobbies, interests, thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that are different from them, and that’s more than okay. Depending on where you are in life, it can make a difference in what you’re looking for in a partner. For Lisa, she discovered that she needed someone who already did their psychospiritual work. I can understand this request from her because she had been married previously and wasn’t looking to do the same work as she had years earlier. Of course you have to put the work in with your partner, but if only one of you is willing to do it, then you might need to look for someone who’s already been there. There is someone out there for everyone, so I am always telling people they do not have to lower their expectations to find love. What seems like a chore to one partner may be the next one’s favorite thing to do; stay true to yourself and what you deserve.
Lisa has come a long way in her journey with herself as well as finding someone who treasures all of her beautiful and complex layers. Being with someone who loves you for you is such a rewarding experience, but remember the work that goes into achieving this. The relationship you have with yourself is most important as it is the foundation for all of your other relationships, and it can create the most compassionate, beautiful world.
Ways to Engage: Think of 5 things you have sacrificed in the past or currently sacrifice for a relationship. What’s something nonnegotiable that you no longer want to give up when being in a relationship? Remind yourself of this while dating or speaking to your partner—don’t sacrifice something that nourishes your soul.
Episode 21 - Discerning the Lies from the Truth with Reverend Cheryl Kincaid
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warnings: mentions of abuse, sexual harassment, rape, incest, molestation
Our guest this week is Reverend Cheryl Kincaid, a persevering woman of honesty, faith, God, and justice. Her episode has some disturbing topics and although they are crucial to share and discuss, we want to make sure everyone takes care of themselves before, during, or after listening to the episode. Normally I choose to write about a specific talking point that really hits home for the episode, but I just can’t settle on one for Rev. Cheryl. Her journey through life has been waves of highs and lows, but her attitude remains dynamic and bright.
Rev. Cheryl’s upbringing was clouded with financial instability and abuse. Not only did she have much to learn, but she also had things to unlearn throughout her life. One story I felt the power of was her time in a disciple house where she heard women’s stories that aligned with hers. Every woman there had some story of abuse or harassment, even in faith spaces where they were supposed to be safe. So many of us have shared experiences that shouldn’t happen to anyone, but this just reaffirms that we are not alone in our struggles. It’s imperative to keep in mind that there isn’t something wrong with you and whatever happened isn’t your fault.
Another point Rev. Cheryl insists on is you do not have to go to a Christian therapist if you are a Christian. Depending on a person’s financial situation, specific therapists aren’t always available, but that’s okay; it does not make you any less of a Christian. Rev. Cheryl shared how she found a terrific therapist that was not Christian-based but still respected her ideology and took that into account during treatment. Most therapists are trained to respect your religious beliefs or backgrounds, no matter what it is. You don’t have to break the bank to find a therapist that is right for you, and there is no shame in asking for or receiving help. There is help out there for everyone, including free services that Rev. Cheryl lists in the episode that can benefit those in need.
I could continue writing about this episode for the rest of the season, but there’s one more thing I want to leave with readers in case the episode is too triggering to listen to as a whole. Rev. Cheryl says, “you cannot compare your insides with other people’s outside.” If you’re feeling turmoil inside, you cannot look at someone else and think the grass is greener with them. You have no idea what they have going on inside their head or in their life, so it does no good to beat yourself up about things out of your control. You are your own special self and it’s more important now than ever that we celebrate diversity. Even if someone’s life seems perfect on the outside, it doesn’t mean they don’t experience storms to get to the rainbow.
Rev. Cheryl’s work is revolutionary, creating safe spaces for all people, especially Christians who may not be getting the respect they deserve within their community. She’s written books and has her own blog, Wisdom for Life, to explore more of her kind soul. It’s comforting to know women like Reverend Cheryl are actively making the world a better place for those who need it the most.
Ways to Engage: What is a misconception you have about your life? For example, Rev. Cheryl shared her misconceptions with her faith as she continued to learn and grow throughout her life, understanding that there isn’t a correct way for a Christian woman to feel or act—it doesn’t make you any less of a person. Is there a misconception you had about your life when you were younger that you outgrew? What did you learn that made you realize this and how has that affected you going forward? Is there something you want people to know about yourself? Share your story with us and connect with others who have similar experiences, like Rev. Cheryl did.
Episode 20 - Worthy, Just Because You Are with Dr. Fanny Leboulanger
By Jessica Garrison
We are back this week with a familiar voice here at our network, Dr. Fanny Leboulanger. She is such a good friend of ours, both here on the podcast and on our 2024 Embracing Layers Radio Show. She unapologetically believes that we as women are enough and that we are not broken. This is one of my favorite things about her. It really impacts how she approaches helping women get in touch with their love for themselves, seeing themselves as worthy and valuable, creating spaces of safety for themselves, spaces of consent, so that each woman can truly open up and be able to experience pleasure in the way we were designed to.
“Self care is considering you exist, you deserve your time, you deserve your energy.” Fanny says this at the beginning of this episode, and it has really stuck with me since we recorded. I often say that we prioritize the things and people that we value. That is true of ourselves, but we don’t always treat ourselves that way, and this starts with exactly what Fanny says here, simply considering we are here and that we are deserving of our own time and care.
On the path to seeing pleasure and sexual health as part of our healthcare, we need to meet ourselves where we are. It starts with creating a space of safety, enjoying quiet time, even our favorite food (Fanny often talks about learning how to really enjoy a piece of chocolate fully and not rushing through eating it, but tapping into all of our senses). This is why Fanny approaches her work with such a mantra of self care, to unpack and acknowledge the healing and care that are necessary so that you can then open up to all the ways pleasure is possible for you, and the very healthy benefits of that.
Pay close attention to the Boundaries portion of the conversation as we unpack Dr. Leboulanger’s experience, how she views this in a way that is really helpful, and how it opens up the way we think about it, outside of the “catch phrase.” She always helps me see things in a way that I may have not thought about before and is always beneficial to me. We again talk about the role of self love in our lives, the impact it has on us, and how it helps solve a lot of the issues that necessitate boundaries in the first place. You’ll see what I mean when you get to this part of the episode :).
We talk about how we may regularly help others unpack their own stuff, but it can actually really be difficult to do that with ourselves even with a full bag of tools and resources. When we are forced to sit with and unpack all that can get in our own way of fully experiencing our own love and acceptance, it can require a lot of time and patience with ourselves to go down that road. Even with all the tools, we still have to come face to face with our story and what’s built up inside so that we can get to the root of what needs our love, acceptance, and attention. It’s so vital to be able to reconnect with our bodies and what we are actually feeling and experiencing, instead of disassociating from all the things that make us uncomfortable.
Dr. Fanny Leboulanger approaches this topic with such honesty, vulnerability, and wit. This really creates a space of authenticity and relatability to a topic that can be so difficult for many of us to address, and I am so thankful for how this approach and her tools have opened up safe opportunities for women to explore and connect with this part of themselves!
Ways to Engage: Have you considered how your relationship with yourself and how you feel about yourself impacts your ability to fully experience pleasure in general and through your sexual health? Think about that, and if taking some time to get curious about that and explore that more can impact your pleasure and sexual health capacity.
Episode 19 - Living Your Magic with Kristell Court
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: mentions of suicide
If you’re ready to “Unearth Your Magic,” then this is the perfect episode, full of advice, anecdotes, and a dazzling woman who continues to help others while on her own journey. Kristell Court is a kind, gracious, authentic, and altruistic person, and I immediately clicked with her message.
I loved listening to Kristell talk about prioritizing self care, and there’s a few things she mentioned that I do as well and have found to be quite effective in my embracing layers journey. Kristell says that she loves a slow morning, taking the time to get ready for the day both mentally and physically. I am usually not a morning person, so it takes me some time to get ready as well. Not everyone is able to spring out of bed right away and need to take some time for themselves in the morning; everyone is different and has to find the times of day that work best for them with their mind and body. Kristell works her “morning magic,” and that is a nonnegotiable for her.
Although every morning is reserved for Kristell, that doesn’t necessarily mean they all look the same. She tells us that she has a “self care menu” in the front of her planner that has a list of methods or activities she can try. It depends on what feels best for her body that day, and she’ll ask herself, “What do I need right now?” Engaging with her hobbies helps to raise the vibe of the morning and charges her up so she can start the day strong.
Kristell also takes the time to remind us that there’s various aspects to self care, and it isn’t always bodily care. Sometimes it can be financial, mindful, faithful, or soulful. No matter what it may be, it's important to find whatever works best for you and makes you feel nourished. Sometimes it’s massages, sometimes it’s going for a walk, and sometimes it’s watching your favorite trashy TV show. No matter what it is, you deserve to experience and enjoy the magic you create for yourself.
You can check out Kristell’s website to read her blogs, inquire about coaching, or to find out more of her story. Her life changing yet simple advice on self care has affected so many people, and I look forward to seeing what else she does in the future. Let us know your favorite part of the episode and how you plan on Unearthing Your Magic!
Ways to Engage: Try creating your own “self care menu.” Have different categories such as physical, mental, emotional, soulful, etc. and list a few things under each category that nourishes you. When the morning (or night) comes, look at the options you’ve laid out for yourself and do whatever you need for yourself in that moment.
Episode 18 - Unapologetic Audacity with Jecelyn Shenkin
By Jessica Garrison
Our next guest of the new year already has close ties to the F.E.E.L Podcast. Jecelyn Shenkin is our host, Melissa’s, daughter’s sister-in-law. If the last name sounds familiar it’s because Sierra and Tim Crook Shenkin were in an episode of the podcast back in season one. Theirs was a great episode about boundaries as guideposts, and Jecelyn has even more compelling stories and advice to share. Her character traits include audacious, driven, curious, and empathetic.
Jecelyn has a unique experience to share as she discusses living out of her own expectations versus others. Her childhood was fairly self-directed growing up because she was homeschooled and had a lot of freedom in her schedule. This was a great way for her to practice living out of her own expectations, and she says it served her well in the beginning. Jecelyn was confident in her ability to make decisions and do what is best for herself, which is a skill most people don’t discover until they reach independence with college or living on their own for the first time. However, she recalls her confidence starting to fade when she hit middle school.
It was then that she faced religious abuse, and unfortunately, this is not the first time we’ve heard of this happening. Church and religion can be incredible pillars in your life, and they have helped so many people for centuries. However, Jecelyn described her church as more like a controlling cult. If a church’s heart isn’t in the right place in its religious practices, then the damage done can last a lifetime. One clear example of this could be a church telling children they will go to Hell if they’re gay, rather than accepting and loving all people. This negatively impacts and shapes a child’s thinking, causing more harm than good by unleashing prejudice into the world. Although it isn’t always so black and white.
Jecelyn says her church experiences killed her confidence because there wasn’t room for strong, confident women in that community. In her mind, the person we start out as as a child is us. We are who we are unapologetically and freely until we’re influenced by those around us. We talk quite a bit on the podcast and blogs about healing your inner child, and Jecelyn makes the great point that by doing this, you’re able to get back to your true self. You can go back to that child you once were before anyone told you to act a certain way and live your life authentically, without worrying about the expectations of others. This is easier said than done, but I love the perspective Jecelyn brings to this conversation, and this truth can have such a great impact on us.
Professionally, Jecelyn is a marketing strategist, entrepreneur, and photographer; you can visit her website to check out more work and information. The experience she shares about in the blog is just one section of her hour-long episode, and I can’t wait to find out which talking points resonated the most.
Ways to Engage: When was the first time you felt you had control over your life, including with schedule, with hobbies, with style, or anything else you can think of? Do you still have confidence in these areas? If not, think about the reasons why you used to and don’t anymore. Are any of these reasons in your control? A step in the right direction could be letting reasons out of your control go and taking charge of the ones you can help. You have more power over your own life than you think you do, and it’s never too late to start living out of your own expectations.
Episode 17 - Finding Freedom in Unapologetic Living with Misty Laboy
By Jessica Garrison
As we celebrate the new year, it’s important to remember how far we’ve come over the past year and the clean slate we face with the upcoming one. Our episode with Misty Laboy is perfect to listen to and reflect upon the recent year. Her character traits include empowered, beauty, love, self love, and authenticity. These traits are apparent as she tells us her story and shares her journey.
In supporting women unapologetically, Misty has had an exceptional journey in becoming the person she is today and how she is able to help other women on their own paths. She says she used to think she loved herself because she liked the way she looked in the mirror, but as we learn one way or the other, beauty doesn’t equate to self love. Misty has discovered it’s more about the confidence she feels within and that projects into her physical appearance.
Misty’s current work includes being a transformation coach, helping her clients feel beautiful inside and out. I especially love that Misty helps anyone who identifies as a woman, including both cis and transgender women who are seeking out their true selves. A lot of times we are told that beauty is on the inside as we grow up, but then as we get older, we see those who match society’s standards of beauty being praised or excelling in the minds of others. I think there’s a balance to find within yourself, and what is beautiful to one may not be beautiful to the other. Although I still struggle with self esteem at times, it is miles better than what it was when I was in high school and college; it’s a path you have to embark on in your own time. My confidence affected all other aspects of my life without even realizing it, and I admire Misty supporting women in discovering who they are and being comfortable living in that skin.
Another area she addressed when it comes to supporting women in living unapologetically is social media. Misty is a social media influencer, and she’s not exempt from the pressure to post a perfect life for her followers. We tend to post whatever good is going on in our lives, but there’s always more to a picture than we think. Misty has become more authentic online, owning both the good and the bad parts of her life, sharing that it’s normal to experience these ups and downs. Especially being an influencer, it is such important work she’s doing by letting people know that just because someone’s life may seem perfect far away, everyone has their own struggles and tribulations. Social media can be a great tool or a great hindrance, and it isn’t for everyone. I deleted my Instagram for a while back in college because I found myself comparing too much. These people are traveling to my dream location, this person is so gorgeous, this person is getting married. It’s always good to disconnect from the world of the Internet and appreciate life for what it is—the good, the bad, and the ugly.
This blog is only a scratch on the surface of the conversation between Misty and Melissa, so I can’t wait for everyone to hear the rest of the episode. Misty’s website is available for anyone wanting to feel more comfortable in their own skin. Women like her are creating a shift in the world that we need to be able to experience more beauty and more love.
Ways to Engage: Think of some character traits that best describe you. Not ones that are physical or relate to your job. What are some traits that you love about yourself and give you confidence? Mix it up and try to name new ones each time you do this exercise and discover the layers within you that make you the beautiful, complex person you are today.
Episode 16 - Living in Excellence Instead of Perfection with Lynita Mitchell-Blackwell
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week, Lynita Mitchell-Blackwell, is a loving, kind, generous, and empowered woman. From the first few minutes of her conversation with Melissa, I was engaged in her stories and lessons; it’ll have you taking notes up to the very last moment.
The first talking point on the podcast, “Prioritizing Self Care”, really kicks off the theme of this episode of living in excellence rather than perfection. We have been met with the common issue over the podcast of women always putting others first, even if that isn’t in the best interest of herself. From a young age, we feel responsible for other people’s feelings or their happiness, and Lynita was no different. She says that women feel the need to take care of everybody, forgetting that we are also a body that deserves to be taken care of.
Lynita changes the phrasing of taking care of herself from being selfish to being soul-focused. Being soul-focused allows space for honesty and authenticity, and I absolutely love this phrasing. I think it is the perfect description for self care in the way it nourishes us, and there is nothing wrong with putting focus on the health and energy of your soul. This kind of switch can be difficult for some people in your life, especially if they’re used to you always putting their needs above your own. It’s a challenge for yourself as well because it is nice to be that person for a loved one, but you have to remember your own wellbeing. Lynita also reminds us that not everything is our responsibility. If you’re not there to help this person, then that doesn’t mean they won’t get what they need—they will just get it from elsewhere. It is life changing when we learn to take that weight off of ourselves and know that we are not responsible for other people’s happiness, even though it definitely feels that way sometimes.
I have quite a few quotes written down from this episode, but one I keep coming back to is, “Success is about joy, and that is an internal job.” Of course everyone is constantly trying to find happiness in life, and it shows itself in different ways. A lot of times we think it’s about money—the more money you have the more successful you are and therefore the happier you are. Lynita puts this into great perspective because if money is your scale of happiness, then that goal will always be shifting. Treating success and happiness as a priority for yourself, rather than putting it onto someone else or into a material item such as money, makes it more manageable and reachable. I definitely needed to hear this reminder, especially living in a time where finances continue to be a struggle for millions in the world.
This conversation Melissa had with Lynita is so powerful and full of necessary information. This blog reflects only the first talking point, so you can imagine how much impact this episode has once you’ve listened to the entire story. Lynita’s website is full of information and ways to participate with her in the field. Her story is one that is so important for not only women to hear, but anyone who is on a journey to feel more whole and fulfilled in life.
Ways to Engage: What has your idea of success been in the past? What is your idea of success now, and do you think of yourself as successful? Consider these after listening to Lynita’s episode and see how her mindset shifts your idea of success. It’s important to remain balanced and give yourself credit for how far you have come in your life.
Episode 15 - Art as a Path Home with Cindy Ingram
By Jessica Garrison
Our amazing guest, Cindy Ingram, is a passionate, creative, curious, compassionate, and authentic woman who has accomplished so much over the years. Her journey to becoming who she is today has not been an easy one with plenty of obstacles to overcome, but the work she has put in continues to reflect onto others and helps them become the best version of themselves.
Cindy has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD, but she didn’t know it for the longest time. Without being able to understand why she was feeling or thinking a certain way, she felt lost. She would ask herself, “What’s wrong with me?” Having a neurodevelopmental condition isn’t anything to be embarrassed or ashamed of, but when we treat everyone as if they have the same brain, it can be like trying to fit a round peg in a square hole. Once Cindy was diagnosed, the pieces started coming together for her, and she could understand her way of thinking better. She’s a very inventive person, writing poetry and creating art, but the burnout she was experiencing kept her from doing what she loves.
At first, it felt like she was on her own in this journey, but she has since begun coaching and supporting others in living their life unapologetically. Cindy is able to now share her experience with the world, offer guidance, and serve as a reminder to people that they can still accomplish their dreams. With the right tools and information, anything is possible, and I’m thankful for people like Cindy who show us how living unapologetically is possible.
Cindy describes her 20s as painful, stumbling her way through life with only half of the information she should have had. A lot of people can be in denial of them or their children having autism, so it can go undiagnosed. It’s often seen as a negative trait to have, but the more we educate people and talk about the realities of having autism or ADHD, there will be less of a stigma around these words.
Being left to her own devices as a child meant it was even more difficult for Cindy growing up, trying to figure out why she was different from others and figuring out how to navigate this on her own. One of the main reasons for Cindy sharing her story is to bring more awareness and knowledge to these diagnoses. Even connecting with one person who is wondering why they think differently and changing their perspective for the better is a great achievement, but I know she’s reaching so many people with her art and her work.
You can visit Cindy’s website to check out her book, shop for her art, and sign up to work with her. You can also visit the CDC’s website for information and resources on both autism and ADHD. Remember, you are not alone in your thoughts and your journey. Just because it doesn’t make sense now doesn’t mean it never will.
Ways to Engage: Challenge yourself to consider a stereotype you hold or maybe have once held and think about the consequences of these stereotypes. Did you treat people differently? Judge them without knowing the whole story? Spread misinformation? We are all guilty of stereotyping at least once in our lives, even if we don’t realize it. It’s more important now than ever to recognize our past so we can work towards a better future.
Episode 14 - Show Up Unfiltered as Yourself with Amita Sharma
By Jessica Garrison
Amita Sharma is an adventurous and resilient dream lover who has so much knowledge to share with us. Although everyone’s experiences are unique, there’s quite a few parallels between her story and the others we hear from women of all ages.
The one area I want to highlight from Amita’s conversation is boundaries. She reminds us that baby steps in the beginning aren’t a negative thing and your efforts deserve to be recognized. There might be some setbacks but doing what feels best for you is the healthiest and most important. Amita found herself seeking approval and trying to keep everyone around her happy…sound familiar? People pleasing is ingrained in so many of us and I guess I never really noticed until listening to so many other women who have faced it too.
In trying to please everyone else, Amita’s self care activities and boundaries were the first things to go. She realized though that as she kept giving and giving to others, they wouldn’t do the same in return. Even if she asked for something small in return, they wouldn’t do it, and that became a wake up moment for Amita.
As Amita says, every woman has a passion for something, and I think this is an incredible reminder. There is always something out there that will fill up your cup and fuel you up, even if you haven’t found it yet. Whether it be reading or exercising, Amita knows she must carve out time for her to accomplish what she wants in order to feel good.
With this realization comes boundaries, especially when people are used to you being at their beck and call constantly. It always feels like there isn’t enough time in the day to get everything done that you want to, so if it’s important to you, make the time for it. There will always be someone who pushes against your boundaries, but by standing your ground, they will have no choice but to respect your choices. It’s critical that we keep space available for ourselves to nourish our soul, and Amita is a reminder of the endless possibilities of what we can accomplish when we do this.
It’s difficult at first, especially as a people pleaser, to stand by your boundaries. Remind yourself why you set the boundary in the first place. Remind yourself that you are worth the time and deserve to be taken care of. Amita is an amazing role model, not only for her work in boundaries, but also her lovely spirit. You can check out her resources on the Embracing Layers website and share your similar experiences with us. We’re all in this together.
Ways to Engage: Write down in your planner when you want to take time for yourself, no matter what the activity may be. Treat it as a non-negotiable, and keep the date with yourself. In the future, you can reflect on how this made you feel and how pleased you were with standing by your boundaries. You are worth the time you set aside for yourself.
Episode 13 - Healing Through Her Own Expectations with Chelsea Husum
By Jessica Garrison
Trigger warnings: sexual assault/rape
Our next guest describes herself as a homebody, passionate, enthusiastic, kind, positive, and a person who loves life. Chelsea Husum’s story this week is heart wrenching and captivating. I want to point out the trigger warnings for the episode in the beginning of the blog, but if you’re able, I want you to listen to the entire episode, take notes, and really listen to what she has to say. There were times I had to go back for notes because I was too busy listening to the incredible way Chelsea shares her experiences with F.E.E.L.
I really connected to Chelsea when she was talking about supporting women unapologetically. Growing up, she was always “the nice girl.” When she said this phrase, I remember saying something similar to this in a radio show episode, and it’s always strange to find out how connected our experiences are, but I think that’s what makes women so powerful. A lot of girls growing up are told to be “good” and to be “nice.” What that really means is to not cause any problems. Don’t speak up for yourself when you’re uncomfortable, smile when people tell you to, no talking back—just do whatever makes those around you happy. Boys will be boys, but you want to have a good, nice girl.
After many years, Chelsea felt that enough was enough, and she wouldn't continue to abide by these unspoken rules of what a nice girl needs to be. She realized how much better she deserves, and I think that’s a huge step in beginning your embracing layers journey. Once you see your worth, you start to treat yourself better and stop accepting less than what you deserve.
It’s important to surround yourself with good people, and this becomes inevitable once you see your worth. Sometimes the friends you had before are not the same ones to take on your new journey, and that’s okay. We should be with people who make us feel good about ourselves and build us up, rather than those who continue to tear us down. Chelsea’s friendships are very important to her, and she says she sneaks in lunches with them whenever she can, always creating time and space for these incredible women in her life. When others see her succeeding they can say, “I can do that too!” instead of looking at it from a competition standpoint. Chelsea shows how important it is to have someone who makes you feel seen, heard, and supported, and we can be the same person in return for them.
This has been one of my favorite episodes this season, and I love the points Chelsea chooses to emphasize in her journey. You can visit Chelsea’s website for more information on her, check out her book, and hear her on other podcasts. Take care of yourself after listening and remember the support you have around you.
Ways to Engage: Does listening to Chelsea’s episode bring up any past memories of childhood? Being told to be a nice girl when you wanted to do the exact opposite? It can be quite cathartic to write down what you were told to be, what you wanted to be, your emotions around all of it, and who you are now. Throw out the system of what we think raising girls should be like and let them be who they truly are.
Episode 12 - Pleasure is Your Birthright with Kari Assoignon
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week, Kari Assoignon, describes herself as funny, down-to-earth, passionate, quick-witted, receptive, well-rounded, loving, and supportive. After listening to this episode, I think everyone will agree with these traits and appreciate the heart Kari has for women.
Kari is a great advocate for sexual health, which ties into our physical, mental, and spiritual health as well. As a conscious dating and pleasure coach, Kari is educated in the physical and psychological benefits that pleasure brings to a woman, which is always fascinating to hear about. Usually, women’s pleasures are ignored, and there is a common theme among women that they don’t orgasm during sex. We want all women to be able to feel the pleasure they’re looking for, whether it be with a partner or on their own terms.
Discovering this passion wasn’t easy for Kari, and it wasn’t easy at first to live out of her own expectations. Her past career was her identity, but she knew she wanted something more. I’ve said the same thing myself about wanting more without really knowing what “more” is. It’s exciting to think about the adventures there are in the world to take, and there’s a trove of possibilities.
Although it isn’t easy to live out of your own expectations, Kari knows her truth and keeps coming back to it, which is so important to remember in our embracing layers journey. If there’s even a question in your mind about an opportunity, you don’t want to spend forever wondering “what if?” It’s worth seeing through, and this mindset has gotten Kari into her position of helping women experience their birthright.
She never thought she’d see herself in the position of a mentor or coach, but we need more people like Kari in this world to show us things we never thought possible before. The more you explore pleasure, the more natural it becomes, which emphasizes the importance of understanding your body. It’s about making that connection with yourself and discovering what you like. Kari asks clients questions like, “What’s blocking you? What is your sexual story? How do you write or rewrite it?” Hold yourself in your emotions to really understand what you want; you can’t tell your partner what you like if you don’t quite understand it yourself.
Kari has her own website where you can dive deeper into conscious dating, pleasure, and breathwork. It’s so refreshing to see this profession becoming more mainstream because we all deserve the chance to experience pleasure. Do what makes you feel comfortable and remember to love yourself along the way.
Ways to Engage: Think about the questions Kari asks during this episode: “What’s blocking you? What is your sexual story? How do you write or want to rewrite it?” Explore your thoughts, desires, and emotions towards your sexual story. Share it with your partner if you have one or write it down and reflect on it. Remember, pleasure is your birthright and you don’t need a partner to achieve it.
Episode 11 - Determining What You Will and Won’t Accept with Rachelle Davis
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is a self-motivating, spiritual, down-to-earth realist with an open mind, capable of seeing both sides of the story. As an Air Force veteran diagnosed with chronic fatigue, Rachelle Davis offers a unique perspective into the embracing layers journey.
While discussing the importance of supporting women in living unapologetically, Rachelle brought up the need for women to advocate for themselves, especially in the doctor’s office. We’ve had past guests share the dire need for this as well, but I want to bring attention to it specifically because it could potentially mean life or death. Women are not always believed, especially in doctor’s offices. It’s an overreaction, it’s hormones, we’re emotional, or we just need to lose a bit of weight. Thankfully, people like Rachelle exist and remind us how necessary it is to fight for yourself—you’re the one who will do it the best.
You know how your body feels and if something feels uncomfortable, then you need to stand by that statement that something isn’t right. People may try to convince you that it’s all in your head, it’s a minor diagnosis, and maybe even offer up some pills to help the symptom go away. However, Rachelle reminds us to get to the root causes of our pain or uneasiness; treating one part of your concerns may help for a little while, but it won’t heal the whole problem. We have to treat the whole symptom rather than just one part of it. For example, fatigue might mean something on its own, but combined with headaches or chest pain, the results could change entirely. We have to look at the big picture within our bodies to improve and protect ourselves.
For Rachelle, being in the military meant she was government property. Whatever her assignment was for the day, she had to complete it, even if she wasn’t in the best headspace. She was happy to do it, however this mindset has stuck with her for quite some time, and it can be difficult to unlearn habits. But Rachelle has found her answer with a chronic fatigue diagnosis and has been able to overcome the difficulties. This episode is a reminder that one doctor is not the end all be all, and there’s nothing wrong with getting a second opinion. There is of course a time and place for traditional medicine, but sometimes a holistic approach can be more beneficial, depending on what your concerns are.
You can read more about Rachelle’s journey with chronic fatigue on her website and check out the resources on the Embracing Layers page. I hope hearing Rachelle’s story encourages women to advocate for themselves when it comes to their health, as well as all other aspects in life.
Ways to Engage: Next time you go to the doctor’s, even if it’s just for a check-up, think of any concerns you may have beforehand. Write them down and mention any concerns you may have. If you’re not convinced it’s what is best for you, then seek out other opinions. No one knows your body more than you do and it’s important we treat it with the respect it deserves.
Episode 10 - More Possibilities, Less Judgment with Kathy Hadizadeh
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week, Kathy Hadizadeh, is a colorful woman who is known for her smile and enthusiasm for life. Even though I haven’t met Kathy personally, after listening to her episode and working on this blog, I adore who she is and what she stands for.
The conversation of boundaries stuck out to me greatly during this episode because Kathy covers a variety of facets that we don’t always think of but are important to remember nonetheless. She brought up the difference in stressors that I think everyone should know about. Not all stressors are bad, even though the word has a negative connotation. The kind of stress we don’t want is called distress, and that can negatively impact our bodies and health; it’s what we immediately think of when we hear the word stress. However, there is another stressor called eustress that is actually beneficial to us, keeping us motivated and focused. A few examples of what can cause eustress are starting a new job, traveling, or meeting new people. Kathy talks about the significance of knowledge in our lives, and by continuing to educate ourselves, we can discover our best selves along the way.
There’s many layers when it comes to our boundaries, and we’re constantly learning about ourselves as we maneuver our way through life. As Kathy pointed out, if we’re not feeling good in our bodies or in our minds, then we’re not likely to make good decisions. Sustaining boundaries is similar to self care—if we don’t stand by them, then it continues to weigh on us until we don’t have a choice anymore. We reach a point of exhaustion or burnout (another difference that Kathy reminds us is important to learn), but we don’t want to see people hit a wall before they start taking care of themselves. By starting now, you have a better chance of understanding your boundaries and why sticking to them matters.
Melissa always introduces our guests by their character traits rather than what they do for a living because we are more than just our jobs. We are more than just a banker, engineer, doctor, teacher, or whatever profession the guest may have. However, with how much we expect people to work in our society and the importance we put on our careers, it becomes a part of our identities as Kathy points out, and it can become difficult to let go. Working is a balance, and that’s where our boundaries are typically tested the most.
I could go on forever with the topic of boundaries, let alone everything else in this episode, but Kathy has her own website where you can check out her story, her mission, and how she helps others. She has such a powerful story, and there is a great deal to take away from it—I can’t wait to hear what everyone else’s favorite parts were.
Ways to Engage: Next time you’re feeling stressed, decipher how this may impact you. Is it eustress that can be beneficial for your body? Or is it distress, and you need to take a few moments to breathe. Sometimes we confuse excited stress for nervousness, and it can change our whole mindset by getting a new perspective. Not all stress is bad, and by learning more and creating conversations, we can begin to move past this common misconception.
Episode 9 - Get Connected With Loving Yourself with Fran Bailey
By Jessica Garrison
Fran Bailey is a nurturing, caring, joyful, and loving woman who does so much for the community of healing. There is a remarkable amount to learn from her journey and how she has become such an inspiration for self love.
Being a healer, Fran is very connected to the physical and spiritual aspects of health. Your body is your vessel (and the only one you get), so it should get the care it deserves. Fran does body work and meditation every day and helps others in these endeavors as well, though healing can look like a variety of things. Just like when we talk about self care, what works for one may not work for all, so it’s important to listen to what your body wants.
During this talking point, Fran says, “You’re allowed to be here. You’re allowed to change. You have permission,” and I just had to underline, highlight, and star that quote. We tend to get caught up in outside noise of what others want us to do and where they think we should be going. One of the most important things during your journey is to trust your body and allow yourself to exist where you are in the moment.
You’re allowed to be in this place in your life and take up space. You’re allowed to change your mind, change your views, change your appearance, or change anything that doesn’t align with you; it’s no one else’s business what you’re doing for yourself, especially when it’s what you need. We have to give ourselves permission to feel and then act upon those feelings. Give yourself permission to take a nap in the middle of the day because your body is tired. Give yourself permission to cancel plans because your anxiety is heightened or give yourself permission to go for a longer run when you have pent up energy. Whatever it may be, we need to give our minds and bodies what they need to continue to grow.
It doesn’t have to be long activities either that free up your body. Fran talks about a 20 minute piece she designed to focus on people’s pressure points because she understands time is limited for people. It may take time to find what works best in healing your body, but it’s worth it in the end to have those tools and resources.
You can check out Fran’s website for services or to learn more from her courses, and her personal resources will be on the Embracing Layers website. Through this episode, I hope everyone can begin the journey to finding what heals their mind and body.
Ways to Engage: Try starting a day to day journal of your feelings—both emotional and physical. Correspond these feelings with an activity or exercise that aligns with what you need for the day to either sustain this feeling or develop a healthier outlook for the day.