Bonus Episode 5: Cultivating Healthy Relationships

We have reached our final week of our Season 1 Mashup series, and we’re bringing it home with discussing Relationships; what healthy ones look like and how the previously discussed talking points play a role in our ability to have healthy relationships.

Two common themes continually came up with our Season 1 guests regarding relationships.  The first one is Boundaries; setting them, communicating them, asking them to be respected, and what that tells you about a relationship when they’re not.  Within that we discuss that we put boundaries in place with relationships we care about, as well as to create health for ourselves.  Tied closely to that is when does sharing and communicating a difficult experience or emotion with someone venture over into emotional dumping and venting?  How do we  place a boundary around that?  Also tying closely to boundaries is not allowing ourselves to do what our family, partner, children expect of us at a cost to ourselves, and the need to put  a boundary in place there.  We need to also not be afraid to do what’s best for our family and how we relate to each other even if it goes counter to what culture or society tells us is correct; so not living by an unhealthy boundary that society has tried to set for us.

The second common theme that came up with this talking point throughout the season was the importance of liking and loving ourselves well, having a healthy relationship with ourselves first, and making sure we are showing up in relationships as our truest, most authentic selves.   It’s going to be difficult, if not impossible, to be engaged in healthy relationships if you don’t first have one with yourself.  It is not the responsibility of anyone we are in a relationship with to make us happy, nor is it our responsibility to make anyone we are in a relationship with happy.  If we don’t first value ourselves then it makes it way too easy to allow ourselves to engage in and stay in unhealthy, toxic relationships.  We must think enough of ourselves to not allow that to go on, and to remove ourselves from it if it does start happening. It’s also very difficult to love others fully with all of their layers if we have not first extended that to ourselves. In turn, we can’t force someone into healthy relationship habits.  They have to want that for themselves and their relationships, and think enough of themselves and their relationships to engage in that.  For ourselves, remembering not to allow and being aware of when we’re allowing past relationship traumas affect the one’s we’re in now. A great phrase one of our guests used is “don’t water something that’s not going to grow”.  I think that’s a great truth to live by.  

Some good signals that we are in healthy relationships might include the freedom to share and promote each other’s stories with authenticity and vulnerability; as we change how we think or believe about something, feeling the freedom and safety to share that, and not just expect those we’re close to know; lifelong relationships take time and commitment, and a decision by both parties that it’s something they want to maintain, and conversely, not all relationships are for life, they may have a season, and that’s ok too; good friends have a trust and love for each other that allows them to tell each other what they need to hear, even if it’s hard but needs to be said; relationships are built and strengthened by shared experiences, dancing, singing, sharing a meal, coffee, a hike or walk together; moments big and small.  A couple of our guests spoke to the importance of being your daughter’s Mother instead of their best friend and why that’s important. Healthy relationships want you to all live and love unapologetically.  

It’s also important to remember that we don’t have to be friends with everyone we come across.  Not everyone is going to click and that’s ok.  Extend kindness and respect, but you don’t have to be friends.  

And last, but very much not least, treat each relationship as the gift it is and cherish it because our time on earth is finite and it’s important to live and love well in these moments.

I hope you enjoy this final mashup of season 1 as we dive into relationships.