Episode 10 - Clear Expectations with Chotsani Williams West
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week has quite the history with the F.E.E.L Podcast. Melissa connected with the original editor of the podcast, Valencia, through our guest, Chotsani Williams West. She is the Assistant Vice President of Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, & Belonging for Adelphi University, as well as an Adjunct Professor within the College of Arts & Sciences and the College of Education & Health Sciences. She is clearly an intelligent and accomplished individual, but like everyone else, Chotsani has had setbacks when it comes to her layers and living out F.E.E.L.
She shares that her self care routine needs “sprucing up,” but she still has a lot of helpful techniques in her current one. For example, she likes to have quiet moments in the car to listen to the birds and take the time to reflect upon her day. She’s been working diligently on her doctorate and can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it’s been a long road to travel. Stealing the moments for self care when she can has been essential for her mental health, and she has learned to not push self care back, even if that means penciling in time for yourself on the calendar to make sure you get the attention you deserve.
Boundaries have been flexible for Chotsani, and I think she brings great insight to the topic. By saying “no” when you want to, it makes the “yes” so much more special. It frees up time for what Chotsani wants to do, rather than her schedule being full of things she doesn’t really want to do. And “no” doesn’t always have to be a no with a period at the end of it, though sometimes it might be. Sometimes it can be “no for now, but maybe another time.” Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be as scary as it sounds, though it can be difficult at times to say no to those you really want to say yes to. However, in the long run, you’ll see how beneficial it can be to stick to the boundaries you’ve set and trust your instincts, just as Chotsani has.
Chotsani is very grateful for the women she has in her life and is surrounded by those who help straighten each other up. They support one another, even if they may not always have the time to pick up the phone and call. Even a text message of encouragement or a shared post between them helps them get through the day. It’s important to not only have these kinds of people in your life but to also allow yourself to fall back on them; supporting one another always feels good.
Coming back to her why is crucial to Chotsani. She says that if you don’t set this at the very beginning of your career and/or education, when things get blurry, you can easily lose direction. A strong foundation is important to make sure you’re on the track you want to be and act as a guiding point for making decisions. There’s always opportunities to learn about yourself, and maybe this will cause your why to change. As long as it’s true to who you are, then your why will always be important.
When Chotsani thinks about living out of her own expectations versus others’, she says, “accessibility is important; if people don’t think you’re accessible, it doesn’t lend itself to authentic, life changing conversations.” In her world, you have to be clear on not only how you engage with people, but also what expectations there are in the relationship. It’s easy for miscommunication to happen, so Chotsani clearly expresses what she expects and wants from a situation and allows others the opportunity to do the same.
Chotsani is a lover of dance, so she tends to look at her layers as such. You can’t always choreograph the dance—things come up unexpectedly in life. Sometimes there are moments where you know exactly which step you’ll be doing next and sometimes you have to improvise. There’s no right way or wrong way to discover and embrace your layers. Everyone has their own style and images of how they want their life to turn out, and Chotsani definitely has the elegance of a person dancing through life, even if she’s not sure which step is supposed to come next. Her authenticity throughout this episode was refreshing and personable, and I’m pleased we’re all able to hear her story.