Episode 8 - Celebrate Yourself with Valerie from Inner Solace Therapy
By Jessica Garrison
Our guest this week is a mental health professional and entrepreneur from Inner Solace Therapy named Valerie. She helps her clients deal with a variety of things, such as anxiety, relationships, and trauma. Valerie has so much information to share about herself to help others understand the need for self care, boundaries, and accepting their layers.
Valerie says she’s trying to normalize the term “selfish,” a way in which so many people describe self care. She says she gets monthly massages or mani/pedis to keep her head on straight and give herself a well deserved treat: “Anything that allows [her] to nurture [herself] through health and wellness” can be considered part of her self care routine. She tries to stay consistent when it comes to taking care of herself, though it’s just human nature to falter from time to time.
For her boundaries, Valerie says that it shifts based on what is important in her life at the moment. For example, in her 20s, school and work were most important to her, so she based her boundaries around those aspects of her life. However, now that she’s older, these are not the same priorities. She used to have a bigger social circle, but now she has a family, a career, and different goals. Part of her boundaries is being able to say no without an explanation, which I think is a great sentiment. We always feel the need to explain why we say no and try to reschedule, even if it’s something we don’t want to do. As we’ve learned over the past few seasons of the podcast, no is a sentence all on its own. It’s “okay to change [your] mind.”
At Inner Solace Therapy, Valerie puts importance on a person’s mental health being connected to their physical health. She says she has her own therapist to help keep her mental health on the right track, and it’s critical to pay attention to your body’s internal cues. If your body is trying to tell you something, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and listen to what you need both mentally and physically.
Valerie and Melissa had such a great conversation about supporting women, and it all starts with yourself. It’s okay to celebrate yourself and be your own cheerleader; sometimes that’s what you need the most. If you show up for yourself, then others will show up for you, too. And sometimes other people will need support as well, and if you’re able, be the first person there to support them. Everyone needs support, even if they don’t think they do. Melissa also says, “Nothing is wrong with celebrating your victories.” Even if someone else is celebrating, “there is space for everyone.”
Just as boundaries have changed for Valerie, her values have changed throughout her life as well. I think this is completely normal and healthy. She describes the why as a “guiding point in order to recognize where you’re going.” For her, it’s rooted in safety and security because that’s what she wants for her family. She describes it as an ongoing process, and it probably won’t stay the exact same for anyone throughout their life. Change is okay and can be a great thing.
There’s a duality when it comes to expectations you set for yourself; it can be a good thing, but it can also be harmful if you’re not careful. Just like other aspects of your life, it’s important to reassess your expectations for yourself to make sure you’re pushing yourself towards your goals, but not too hard. If you have unrealistic expectations for yourself, you’ll never get to where you want to go and it’ll negatively impact your mental health. However, it’s important to still push yourself and make sure you’re achieving the things you set out to do. Valerie is so smart in the way she describes living out of her own expectations vs. others, and she’s inspired me to reevaluate my goals to make sure I’m not setting impossible expectations for myself.
Living out F.E.E.L and accepting her layers has been quite the journey for Valerie, one that she continues to work towards. When Valerie was younger, she describes how she was disconnected from reality because she was in survival mode. Since then, she’s continued to work towards peeling back her layers and accepting who she is, whether it be past, present, or future. She has so much knowledge and kindness, and I’m so glad she was able to be part of our podcast and share that with everyone. It’s important to remember not to be discouraged because no matter how you see your progress, you’re continuing to move forward.