Episode 3 - No Longer in Bondage with Logan Hufford
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warning: sexual addiction
Although women are primarily interviewed on our show, the journey of F.E.E.L is for everyone. Logan Hufford is one of our guests this week, and he is a grateful and authentic person who is experiencing the freedom of authenticity for the first time. He used to have different sides to him depending on who he was with, not really knowing which side was the real one. Now he has a firmer grasp on what it means to be himself, which is no easy feat considering the hurdles he’s had to go through to get there.
Logan dives deep into the subject of boundaries, a pillar that was critical for him in his recovery. In his life, he didn’t have an idea of boundaries in his head that made sense; he thought of boundaries being a guardrail at the very edge of a cliff. Our boundaries should be like guardrails to protect us, but they should be far enough back that there’s safety before going completely over the edge.
The biggest lesson Logan shares is that your boundaries have to be about you and your own behavior. It’s not going to work if you make them about someone else and their actions because at the end of the day, no matter how much we may try, we can’t control what others will do. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t be affected by other people’s actions. It’s important to stand up for yourself and your boundaries, but your life is in your own hands. Logan says it isn’t about “their behavior” but what you will do if someone continues the behavior you have a boundary for. You may not be able to control another person’s actions, but you can say, “if you do this, I will do X as a result.” However, saying this is only half the battle. Once you say it, you have to act on it. Otherwise, your ultimatum won’t be taken seriously. Sometimes it takes practice, but holding yourself accountable is the best way to show people you’re serious about your boundaries.
It also is a healthy request, rather than forcing someone to act a certain way. This, in turn, gives the other person a chance to think about their boundaries. Is it something they’re willing to change? Is it worth changing to keep you in their life? That’s up to them, but you have also spoken your piece on the matter.
It’s so eye-opening to hear stories from people who have experienced addiction because it can truly happen to anyone, and it sneaks up on you sometimes. I hope Logan’s story can not only offer comfort and help, but also, as Melissa says, can remind people to turn their judgment into curiosity. There is no shame in asking for help, and it’s never too late to step into the journey of living your life as your authentic self. I promise it is one of the most rewarding experiences you could have.
Ways to Engage: When setting your boundaries, think about the way you’re wording your expectations. Instead of making it about the other person’s behavior, make it about what your behavior will be if theirs doesn’t change. You can’t be responsible for someone else’s decisions, but you can be responsible for your own.
SAMHSA’s Behavioral Health Treatment Services: 1-800-662-4357