Episode 16 - Boundaries as Guideposts with Sierra & Tim Crook Shenkin

This week we get to spend some time listening and learning with my favorite young married couple, my daughter Sierra and Son in Law Tim. 

In this episode we talk about the myriad of adjustments that happen when you are getting used to living with and sharing life with a partner, but it’s more than that. These two have done and are doing such intentional working, thinking, planning, and loving on how they approach their relationship that many couples never get to.  So don’t think this episode is only for the 20 & 30 somethings. All couples in all stages can learn & benefit from what Sierra & Tim have to share.

We talk about how they learned the difference between their two definitions of quality/quantity time. We discuss the importance of knowing yourself so you can effectively communicate your needs to your partner, and adjusting to considering your partner when you’re making decisions, setting your schedule, etc. 

Sierra & Tim have adapted the word “boundaries” to “guideposts” with the point being instead of saying no you can’t go here with me, to instead being here’s how you can. They talk about how they communicate old wounds to each other so each one can be aware of the tender spots to not poke at, or what might be triggers for them, building more informed communication between them. 

We discuss how unprocessed emotions can produce somatic physical pain, and how we must be mindful as partners how our difficulties can be felt by our partners, so how we communicate those things must be done with that in mind.

Tim explains how approaching these things with curiosity rather than fear opens up the opportunity to learn more about yourself and each other, and how they each operate from the stance that they are always for each other and want only the best, even when those attempts fall short. 

Sierra talks about that in embracing all the layers of each other, they love all the past, current, and future iterations of themselves & each other. 

Sierra & Tim have established 3 values that their relationship and all the decisions they make are based upon. If something does not align with those values, then it is not for them, whether it’s relationships with friends or family, where to live, what job to take, or if they should buy that house. This gives them a like minded foundation and focus to operate from.

We talk about living out of expectations, and how those expectations must align with their values, as well as the people setting those expectations. They make a great point that you can only call something an expectation if it’s been communicated as one.  Otherwise, it’s just a hope. 

They discuss the fact that life is made up of the good, the bad, the hard, the beautiful all existing at the same time, and that we can feel all of them simultaneously, and that’s ok. Life is not black & white, and emotions and feelings aren’t bad or good, but how we handle and respond to them is what matters. 

So many vital, rich, intentional, thought out points and lessons in this episode. Grab your partner, your favorite coffee or drink, and a pen and notebook and join us for this enlightening conversation.