Episode 17 - The Value of Friends with Kristen Hovde Miller, Amy Stuart VanderMaas, and Stephanie Fels Stout

These friends have been journeying through life with me for between 30 - 43 years so we’ve covered a lot of ground together, from bonding over favorite childhood musicals, to navigating the loss of parents, to walking through raising kids to navigating challenging family relationships.  There isn’t much we haven’t been through or seen.  We’ve laughed, cried, been in each other’s weddings, and shared so much. I feel so fortunate that we’re all willing to put in the time to ensure these relationships continue, even as we live in different time zones across several different states.

I know that I can pick up the phone any time day or night, and these ladies will show up for me and I for them.  These relationships are one of the most important things in my life and I cannot imagine doing these trips around the sun without them.

We cover a lot of ground in this episode, and could probably do a lot of spin-offs from many of the topics we touch on. 

We talk about boundaries with in-laws, siblings, children, parents, and friends.  We talk about how we’ve evolved into knowing the difference between healthy and toxic relationships, and that it’s ok to let the toxic ones go. We don’t have to like or get along with everyone. It’s ok to just be respectful and not feel guilty for the people we just don’t click with.

We talk about health challenges (mental and physical) that have sometimes forced us into boundaries we weren’t planning on, and how we’ve learned to make friends with that rather than resent it.  We talk about the importance of self care, and addressing how emotional health affects physical health, and putting ourselves and this care first is not selfish, but necessary.  We watched our Moms not always make room for this, and knew that’s not a pattern we wanted to continue. 

We talk about the importance of our friendships with each other and the ones right where we live , and the necessity they are to us for our own well being.  We talk about the importance of modeling this good healthy behavior so that hopefully our children will learn from that and do it even better and sooner in their own lives.

We talk about releasing the responsibility we sometimes feel to fix or repair things for people in our lives, understanding that it’s not ours to carry, but how challenging that has been for us to release. 

We talk about the value of coming to know our own worth, to live that out unapologetically, and supporting and lifting other women up as we do this. 

We talk about what the transition into the “empty nest” phase of life looks like and will look like, how that changes our “why”, and what finding those other layers of ourselves are that maybe we haven’t met or acknowledged yet.  

We talk about the importance of dating our partners through the child raising years, and how their support has encouraged us and continues to support us in being the best, healthiest versions of ourselves, and how fortunate we feel to have those kinds of relationships with them.

We talk about the importance of communicating expectations to people in our lives, instead of assuming they know, and then being disappointed if we don’t meet each other’s uncommunicated, sometimes unfair or unrealistic expectations.  Brave conversations about these expectations and differences is the only real way to authentic healing instead of unrealized, unfair expectations and disappointment.  We talk about being ok with the fact that sometimes when you communicate boundaries and/or expectations, those we’re sharing this with might not understand or like it, but that doesn’t mean we are wrong.

This is another far reaching, authentic, vulnerable conversation about how we’ve walked these things out in our lives, and the importance of continuing to learn and give ourselves grace in the process.

These friends of mine have so much wisdom to offer.  I’m so thankful for this opportunity for you to spend a little time with them.