Episode 18 - Unapologetically For Each Other with The Christenson Women

I know Eileen Christenson, and her daughters Elle, Taylor, and Reilly, from our time living in Spokane, WA, and have always admired how they interact with and support each other, so it was my great honor when they agreed to be part of this relationship series we are doing on the F.E.E.L Podcast right now. Eileen and her husband Jeff raised these women in a home where doing your best, being kind to others and each other as sisters was the narrative, with no toxic masculinity displayed by Jeff, and no gendered narratives being the messaging to the daughters.  They never heard that there were any limitations or “girl” expectations, only to go for your dreams, and to go for all the things that you feel drawn to.  This created a safe space to feel, love, and explore without concern for being judged or having imposed on them any unrealistic, unfair expectations.  This landscape grew into 3 grown women that have healthy relationships, love and respect each other fiercely, and have a warm, affirming, loving appreciation of their parents and the environment they created and continue to foster with each other and all of their daughters and their partners. We talk about Boundaries, and the role that’s played in this unique time of working from home with their partners in some cases, as well as Reilly being on the front lines as a new nurse, and Elle is now back in the classroom after teaching remotely for more than a year. Elle sums up healthy boundaries really well when she points out something she’s learned from her husband Tony that a boundary is “my time, I’m going to decide how and who to give it to”. We have a great discussion on the importance of normalizing mental health therapy, and how the stigma from the Eileen and I’s generation to our daughters’ generation has changed, and is becoming a more accepted form of holistic healthiness. The sisters discuss how thankful they are for the healthy sister dynamic they had growing up and how they are now learning to adjust to the changes in being adult sisters now, and being aware of each other’s emotional health and how to show up for each other in that space. We talk about what Elle is seeing in the classroom with 7-8 year olds already being told narratives of what is and is not acceptable emotionally to feel and display, and how she’s working to create an environment where learning to manage and feel big emotions is safe and encouraged, no matter what gender you are.  She has also adopted a “connecting before correcting” mindset to ensure she’s not just shutting down a child’s behavioral response before trying to connect and understand where it’s coming from and how that child needs to feel and/or process what's happening. Taylor discusses how the culture teaches us to compare ourselves to each other as women and sisters, but that in her household she always felt loved and accepted, and how thankful she was for that safe space as she dealt with not comparing herself to them or anyone. Eileen discusses how they never had teenage or women’s magazines or media in their home that promoted this comparison, unrealistic prototype or expectation, so that their daughters would never feel that unhealthy pressure in their home, knowing how prevalent it is in the world outside those doors. We talk about because of always being taught to root for each other as women, all 3 daughters feel more naturally inclined to root for other women in general, but how trust has to be built amongst each other in the workplace for that to really happen in an authentic, healthy way. Reilly discusses as a youngest daughter and sister, how it was both challenging and helpful coming up behind 2 olders sisters; how there was a natural path laid out, but also how much teachers would comment and compare her to her older sisters, and learning to navigate that as she was figuring out who she was as a person.  She talks about the safe space her sisters and parents created as she learned to work through relationships that weren’t always in her best interest, but that she always felt supported that she would figure that out. We talk about expectations others have and how they are only valued if they align with what works for you and feels right for you and your values. We talk about all of our layers and accepting all the colors in ourselves, and being ok with changes in self and others as we go through different seasons. And maybe my favorite part of this conversation was discussing everyone’s willingness to chart their own paths, not based on the degree they got and sticking to that expectation, but finding the thing that most aligns with what they care about and speaks to who they want to be in the world. This was another rich, wise, authentic intuitive conversation that I am so excited to share with you all.  I hope you’ll join me in getting to learn from these wonderful Christenson Women :)