Episode 2: Defining Her Own Expectations with Meghan VanderMaas Ollis

I have literally known Meghan since she was born, as she is the oldest daughter of my life long friend Amy Stuart VanderMaas, who you met in Episode 17 of Season 1. It was really fun for me to be able to have this conversation with Meghan as an adult and hear about all she’s learning and experiencing as she navigates life as a newly married woman where both she and her husband Seth serve in the Air Force.

Meghan’s navigation of our talking points has such a unique lens because as someone who is working in the Air Force, much of her life is determined by the assignments she, as well as her husband Seth, receive and have to follow.  She was able to pick the path she wanted to follow while at the Academy, but once that was determined, within that there are a lot of absolutes that she must adhere to.  So living by your own expectations, having and communicating healthy boundaries, and moving through emotions in a healthy way when an assignment is not necessarily your first choice, requires a different kind of intentionality and deconstruction.  

We talk about the importance of self care, and making sure that you are doing what fills you up and nourishes you, no matter how different that may look from what others might be doing.

Meghan shares how since she and Seth are both in the Air Force, they need intentional practices that help them have boundaries around how much time they spend talking about work so they have separation from work life and their relationship as partners.

We discuss how she has had to be intentional with communicating boundaries, knowing that work dictates a lot of her schedule, as well as being a newly married couple living in Hawaii with lots of loved ones wanting to visit.  Within that there has been great opportunity to grow as a new couple being stationed far away from family so they could set their own foundation as a partnership based on their unique values and terms. They love having visitors but they make sure it’s during time that she and Seth truly have to give. In this Meghan shares “I don’t owe people an explanation as to why I’m doing things” and that it continues to be a journey in being intentional about not feeling guilty about that.

We cover the importance of naming emotions so you can process it through and communicate them to your partner what it is you are feeling and what you need, but also being ok not being ok every moment; being comfortable being uncomfortable without forcing your way out of it; that emotions are not bad, that they’re part of our make-up and serve as clues to what we need to feel and process all the way through.

Since she doesn’t always have a say in the military assignments she receives, she's realizing, sometimes you have to reframe why you might be bothered by a scenario and how you can give yourself permission to move through it and passed it in a healthy way.

In living unapologetically and supporting other women in that endeavor, we talk about the uniqueness, even now, of being a woman in the military, and how that can invite women to feel threatened by each other because there are so few females. This can cause women to have a tendency to put a wall up, and it can take time to break that down. Meghan is finding that when she allows herself to be vulnerable with these female counterparts, it can give permission and open up that door for supporting each other and them feeling safe to do the same.

Meghan shares that she is currently deconstructing what she wants and desires in a world where so much is dictated by her work, so finding where her values and “why” fit within that. It helps her to know the core is always her faith and its foundation within her therefore within how she operates in the world. She also goes into what deconstructing the role of the church in our current political environment looks like for her, and how she's finding God and a lot of peace in nature and its beauty.

Living out of your own expectations within the expectations the military lays out for her is another unique part of Meghan’s journey. She’s learning how you find herself in that, and the role of healthy boundaries and communication about what’s important to her and what she values in that moment, and how important having good leadership is in feeling able to do that. She’s also always exploring “What are my expectations of others and have I imposed them on myself”, and are they realistic?

One of the greatest values of her Air Force experience is that she gets to meet people from all walks of life, from so many cultures, constantly reminding her that everyone has a story to tell. She’s learned the importance of accepting her own layers through her own story, and how that helps her listen to and see others stories and layers and their unique, intrinsic value.  She’s found that the difficult parts of her story can sometimes be used to help others, and how empowering and healing that is. A major takeaway continues to be that people in other cultures just want to be heard and valued for who they are and what they bring to the world, not diminished and devalued. 

Maybe the most valuable takeaway from this conversation is Meghan’s wisdom in the importance of slowing down and being present in the moment, especially in her relationships; the importance of listening and being present in conversations, and how that helps her in learning about those she works with, lives around, and is in relationship with.  Within that Meghan talks about being a “simplest”, in that she does not need a lot of things, but values moments, experiences and being present with the people she’s with above hurrying through and acquiring “things”.

This was such a great conversation and was so enlightening and encouraging to hear about this twenty something’s curious, intentional approach she takes in her life, not being afraid to deconstruct things to make sure she is walking out this life in the way that’s most authentic to how she was designed to live and be in this world, understanding that we are always in process, always learning, always growing.