Episode 2 - The Multilayered Journey to Sexual Health with Fanny Leboulanger
By Jessica Garrison
Hold on tight for the newest episode of the F.E.E.L Podcast as we become comfortable with the uncomfortable. We have an international guest, Dr. Fanny Leboulanger, who comes to us from France. She is well-rounded in so many areas, providing her intelligence to the world of medicine, gynecology, and pleasure. I had never heard of an intimacy/pleasure counselor before and had no idea what the work entailed. But after hearing Fanny speak, I see just how important her work is.
Fanny described herself in med school and in her professional career as a “good girl.” She was at the top of her class and had everything society told her she needed: a good job, financial stability, and a man to come home to at the end of the day. Life was presenting her with mysteries that she couldn’t leave unsolved. She found that during her time as a gynecologist, too many women were coming in with issues like having pain in their body, although further examinations proved there was nothing wrong physically. She didn’t have answers to give them about why sex was painful or why they weren’t receiving the pleasure that so many others talk about. Since then, she has been dedicating her life to helping women feel pleasure and giving them the sexual freedom they deserve.
Med school made Fanny forget she was her own person, so she needed to find a good balance after she graduated. She allowed herself to reclaim pleasure (and reclaim the fact that she could give it to herself). She “would not accept what was unacceptable,” and she had to train herself to stick with those boundaries. The way she’s accomplished this is by trusting herself. As women, we’re constantly doubting ourselves, whether it be our feelings, actions, or intuition. No one knows us better than we know ourselves, and Fanny has seen the benefits of putting absolute trust in herself.
When asked about taking care of her emotional health as much as her physical health, Fanny noted that emotions are sensations that our brain sends to us. She said we need to give ourselves the space to release those emotions. If you’re angry and want to kick, kick. If you’re happy and want to dance, dance. Allow yourself to release what you feel on the inside, and express it through the outside. This energy can get stored up inside of us and cause a physical breakdown, which she found out through the grueling schedule of being a doctor.
Women are always coming to Fanny ashamed. They were ashamed of not feeling pleasure during sex, they were ashamed of not becoming aroused, and they were ashamed of their own bodies. She supports women by having these uncomfortable conversations with them and opening up about what she’s personally struggled with. As a counselor, she’s able to dig deeper into how to help women accomplish their goals, whatever they may be.
A word that kept coming up during this episode was consent. Even if you’re discussing sexual pleasure with yourself, the word consent is still in use. Fanny’s advice is to not rush yourself. If you’re worried or nervous about something intimate, whether it be touching yourself or looking at the reflection of your genitals, don’t force it. Do what makes you feel comfortable and what you’re ready for. It’s easy to compare yourself to someone else, even what they do in the privacy of their bedroom. Living out of her own expectations has proven to be an advantage in her life, even if people don’t agree. Sex, pleasure, and bodies are normal—there’s no reason to be ashamed of them.
Fanny was angry at herself at first for not embracing her layers; she wondered why she didn’t do this sooner. However, she realized that she had to learn the important lesson of letting things go first. Until then, she wouldn’t be able to completely let go of being who she used to be. She discovered pleasure, acknowledgment, and a state of curiosity. She reclaims her right to mess up because, at the end of the day, we’re all human. It’s not normal to expect people to be perfect—we all will mess up and make mistakes. The sooner we can accept this, the sooner we can let a lot of anger and resentment go.
It’s been a long journey for Fanny to come to the place she’s at now, but it’s been worth it. She understands who she is and has figured out why she’s here. She expressed that there is no “one size fits all” solution because we are all so different. Show up for yourself, heal yourself, and accept yourself, no matter how that may appear for you. By showing up for herself, she’s able to show up for others and provide the support that women need.
If you’re interested in hearing more from Fanny, feel free to visit her website and listen to her podcast!
Ways to Engage: What were your first thoughts when you heard that Fanny is an intimacy/pleasure coach? What did you think after reading the blog and listening to the episode? Have your views on female intimacy and pleasure changed? Let us know your thoughts about embracing the uncomfortable down below!