Episode 4 - Self Awareness & Somatic Healing with Susan Gold

By Jessica Garrison

This week, Melissa had the opportunity to speak with Susan Gold, author of Toxic Family: Transforming Childhood Trauma into Adult Freedom. She shared with us the journey she took to publish her book and everything leading up to it. To open up about some of the most vulnerable memories she has to anyone who decides to pick up her book is a huge step in healing. Susan discussed the obstacles she faced while learning to embrace her layers and how she overcame them.

Similar to our last guest, Gill Tietz, Susan recalled how she used alcohol to cover up a lot of her emotions. It was easy for her to lie to those around her, as well as to herself. She would also participate in endurance-related sports to stay sane, but she realized later on that it wasn’t actually self-care to her; it was just something to keep her mind busy. After immense self-reflection, soul searching, and talk therapy, Susan was able to work towards a journey that featured her most authentic self.

Susan grew up in an abusive household that taught her to “tough it out.” It took a long time for her to realize that toughing everything out was not a normal response, and she had to unlearn this way of life. This belief was carried into her marriage. She shared with Melissa that, even though she knew things were over, she kept pushing those thoughts away to keep up with appearances. Eventually, she knew that to take care of her physical and emotional health, she had to become aware of her journey and learn that the word “no” is a sentence all on its own.

Despite supporting women in living unapologetically every day with the work she does, Susan isn’t always aware that she’s doing it, particularly in a corporate setting. In rooms where women were not typically vocal, Susan spoke her mind and asked questions, even if she was ignored. Her intuition and perseverance created an environment where other women felt they could do the same. She’s been told that she’s a “change-maker” and is tired of living in outdated, patriarchal systems. I have one thing to say about that: PREACH!

Susan’s why and values are more clear now than ever since she has been trusting her gut and is able to understand what she wants. It’s easier for her now to stop and take a deep breath when life is getting overwhelming and the vision becomes blurry. Women, in particular, are told to not trust themselves. We’re conditioned to think that we’re too dramatic, too paranoid, or too emotional. I can’t stress enough that if you have a gut feeling, you should listen to it. Your feelings are completely valid, even if others don’t think the same way.

Following what other people wanted her to do was easy for Susan, as it is easy for the rest of us to just do what other people tell us to do. However, it never fit right for Susan to do something blindly if it wasn’t what she wanted to do. This feeling was a prison cell around her that appeared inescapable. She eventually had to stop and say, “This doesn’t feel right.” To be able to overcome this, Susan had to take a look at her childhood self, someone whom she closed off from the world a long time ago. She grew to understand that she is a strong woman and she’s meant to share her experiences to help others.

Susan also described herself as a chameleon with these experiences. She could be whoever other people needed her to be; it’s a survival technique she picked up through childhood. It took a while for her to say, “This is who I am.” It isn’t easy to stand your ground the way she has, but finding her truth seems to be the most rewarding experience for Susan. The layers she used to push away are now embraced through new experiences along the journey.

Susan has discovered her authentic self with compassion and patience. She’s grateful to make a positive impact in people’s lives by sharing her story, and her journey, finding empowerment, and embracing her layers.

Ways to Engage: Susan’s self-reflection techniques helped her discover her authentic self, a journey that shows up in different ways for people. Name a situation where you lived out of someone else’s expectations rather than your own. How did it make you feel, and how would you handle things differently now?