Episode 22 - Embracing Accountability & Healthy Relationships with Lisa Shield
By Jessica Garrison
Episode trigger warnings: mentions of abuse
This week we are joined by the playful, original, heart-centered, and passionate Lisa Shield. What began as the chance to find true love has evolved into a personal transformation and the ability for Lisa to use her knowledge and experience to help others.
As a dating and relationship coach, people tend to look at Lisa like she has it all figured out and has always had the perfect dating life. However, this is far from the truth. Lisa has put in a lot of work to find the “guardian of her soul,” but she had to look inward as well as looking outward. She says self care was at the heart of finding her husband, and she needed this to develop the confidence to be able to accept the love she deserved. Relationships are a spiritual practice for Lisa, and in addition to doing the personal inner work, this keeps her healthy in mind and body.
Lisa brought up a tactic she uses with clients that I think everyone should try. She will have them list 5 things they have sacrificed in past relationships that they want to make a point of to find in their next or current relationship. For example, let’s say you sacrificed painting as a hobby to spend more time with your partner, but that was something that really nourished your soul. Weave that back into your schedule, making time for both your partner and activities you love.
It’s so important for partners to respect one another’s time and boundaries. You are more than just your partner; you have hobbies, interests, thoughts, dreams, and aspirations that are different from them, and that’s more than okay. Depending on where you are in life, it can make a difference in what you’re looking for in a partner. For Lisa, she discovered that she needed someone who already did their psychospiritual work. I can understand this request from her because she had been married previously and wasn’t looking to do the same work as she had years earlier. Of course you have to put the work in with your partner, but if only one of you is willing to do it, then you might need to look for someone who’s already been there. There is someone out there for everyone, so I am always telling people they do not have to lower their expectations to find love. What seems like a chore to one partner may be the next one’s favorite thing to do; stay true to yourself and what you deserve.
Lisa has come a long way in her journey with herself as well as finding someone who treasures all of her beautiful and complex layers. Being with someone who loves you for you is such a rewarding experience, but remember the work that goes into achieving this. The relationship you have with yourself is most important as it is the foundation for all of your other relationships, and it can create the most compassionate, beautiful world.
Ways to Engage: Think of 5 things you have sacrificed in the past or currently sacrifice for a relationship. What’s something nonnegotiable that you no longer want to give up when being in a relationship? Remind yourself of this while dating or speaking to your partner—don’t sacrifice something that nourishes your soul.