Episode 21 - Embracing Life Beyond Infertility with Charlie Dice
By Jessica Garrison
If the name of our guest this week sounds familiar, you’d be right! Charlie Dice has been a recurring guest on the Embracing Layers Radio Show, and I just love it when we get to hear from her. She describes herself as a generator of human design, welcoming, loyal, a learner, and an explorer.
Charlie describes infertility as giving up your body and your mind — you’re not in control anymore. Her priority is to enjoy life with her friends and family rather than living it at 80%, thinking about things that may or may not happen. It’s the day-to-day work that is so important, but the reward is just as great, if not better.
Charlie has to pay extra attention to her mental health because she has MDD (Major Depressive Disorder). When she was trying to conceive, the doctors told her to stop taking her antidepressant medication in hopes that it would help her. However, Charlie had a wonderful OBGYN who was taking care of her and encouraged her to go back on medication. She needed to take care of herself rather than hurting herself for a child that wasn’t there yet.
When talking about her boundaries, she said that some doctors called her to check in, which was very considerate, but they can be judgmental at times, too. So many people would give Charlie their advice without her even asking them. Things like, “Well, you can always adopt!” were told to her constantly, and these people were not respecting her boundaries. This also reminds Charlie about living out of her own expectations, and sometimes you have to take a step back and just do whatever feels right for you.
Charlie credits her husband to being a huge supporter in this journey. In turn, she wants to support other women the way she has been supported. Charlie tells an incredible story during her episode of how her husband reacted to her not being able to have children. He said, “I did not marry you based on your ability to have children.” I agree with him completely, and this is a reminder to everyone: your worth and womanhood are not based on your ability to have children.
For Charlie, her “why” is rooted in educating and advocating for other women who have been in the same position as her, as well as men. Although it isn’t talked about as often, men also have infertility issues, and Charlie wants to share her information with as many people as she can to spread awareness on the issue of infertility. In sex ed class, you’re taught how you have a baby and what your reproductive organs do, but you don’t really learn what happens if something goes wrong. Bringing more education to this subject will not only help people figure out faster that something is wrong, but it also won’t normalize having children, which, as we’ve seen, can cause many other mental health problems.
Fortunately, both Charlie and her husband’s families were supportive of their decision to not have children and to stop trying. However, the outside world was not as supportive. Charlie brings up the stigma in the workplace about men and women with children. They’re typically the ones who are granted more time off because of parent-teacher conferences, doctor’s appointments, or when their child is sick at school. I remember watching a CSI: Miami episode where someone pretends to have a child because they know they’ll be granted more vacation time. I see it at my own workplace as well: “Why does she need to leave? She doesn’t have kids to pick up.” Everyone is deserving of time off, whether they have children or not. A person’s value and importance of their life does not decrease because they don’t have children, whether it is voluntary or not.
Charlie is appreciating the layers that she has that are not about her reproductive system. Whatever decision you make in life, as long as it’s what you truly want, it’s the right decision in the end. Charlie loves her life and who she is, and to me, that is the most successful a person can be. She’s able to share her journey, help other women who are struggling with infertility, and she feels empowered by her choice because it was her decision.
If you want to hear more from Charlie, she’s often featured on the Embracing Layers Radio Show from 360 Talk Radio for Women, which airs Mondays from 6 AM (PST) to 12 PM (PST). Melissa was also a guest on Charlie’s Life Beyond Infertility podcast, so there’s plenty of content between these two trailblazing women.
Ways to Engage: We want to invite everyone to share their stories of infertility, difficulty getting pregnant, or any thoughts you may have on the subject in a safe community space. The more we talk about it, the more awareness and education we can share with the world. It’s okay if you aren’t able to share your story right—there is still an endless amount of support in your corner.