Episode 22 - Unapologetically Herself with Melissa L. Hite
By Jessica Garrison
We’re so lucky to be joined this week by Melissa L. Hite, who describes herself as sensitive, curious, thoughtful, idealistic, and bold. Through her journey to embracing her layers and healing herself, she’s been able to share what she’s learned with the world.
In order to function, heal, and move forward, Melissa needed self-care. She manages her energy rather than her time, and she’s found that her values lie in different places. Sometimes she can get mean with herself when she’s feeling frustrated or annoyed, but with self-care, she’s found better outlets for these emotions. Massage therapy is one of these means that Melissa has, and even though it seems like “stereotypical” self-care, that doesn’t make it any less effective.
When it came to boundaries, Melissa said she needed to understand the core of them and what they look like. She was a sex worker and, not wanting to lose herself through this work, needed boundaries with clients to maintain her integrity. When Melissa didn’t stick to the boundaries she set for herself, she saw the consequences. By putting in the work and honoring the connection she has with herself, she’s been able to protect the parts of herself that she loves so much.
Although we try to separate the mind and body, Melissa knows there’s a strong connection between our physical health and mental health. She says, “Emotion is energy in motion.” We’ve said countless times on the podcast that there are no bad emotions, and Melissa’s understanding of this keeps her on the right path with her health.
Melissa likes to get into boundary work when she’s supporting women in living unapologetically, which I really appreciate because the two go hand in hand. Women especially are not taught to have or keep boundaries, and it can be difficult to try having them after not having them as a tool for so long. We are trained to be self-sacrificing rather than focusing on our own desires and authenticity, but Melissa is actively doing work to change this mentality.
Enlightenment and integrity are the two pillars of Melissa’s why. She’ll ask herself and her clients questions like, “What’s your motivation?” The why is a person’s North Star, and that’s why it is the first thing she covers in her coaching program. You have to be committed to growth and healing, but finding your why and motivation is the first step to help keep you motivated.
She got used to living out of other people’s expectations as a child and carried that with her for a huge part of her life. Melissa’s learned that you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t in situations like this, because nothing ever seems good enough. Despite there being a deep need to belong, something I’m sure we’ve all dealt with, you won’t truly be happy if you’re living your life for someone else.
It’s so beautiful to be multifaceted. When Melissa is faced with something she doesn’t like about herself, she thinks about nature. Nature is a magical process, and human beings are the same way. We go through different seasons and there are many layers to us, but it’s the layers that we uncovered on the journey that make the difference. It takes a flower some time to grow into the beautiful being it is, and not all of the process is pretty. We have to look at ourselves the same way and give ourselves grace, patience, and time.
Melissa is in her prime when she is loving and accepting herself. F.E.E.L feeds all the connections within her body, allowing her growth to shine through all the different parts of herself. When she loves herself, she’s able to extend her love back into the world and to those around her. Your attitude can affect the environment you’re in, and Melissa just wants to get the most out of each experience, which I strive to do, though I’m still learning.
We have more information about Melissa on our website and resources page, and Melissa has her own website you can visit. With her kindness, intelligence, and self-awareness, it’s people like Melissa who I believe will change the world; we all have something to learn from her.
Ways to Engage: Melissa asks herself and others “What’s your motivation?” when trying to discover the “why.” If thinking about or stating your why is a difficult part of your journey, ask yourself what your motivation is. Whether it be for something small daily or something big in the long run, think about what you are truly doing it for.