The F.E.E.L Podcast 5/28/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 5/28/22

Episode 9 - Embracing Mental Health in Black Communities with Brianna Campbell and Hakeem Rahim

It was my great honor and privilege to hand the mic over to my original staff member and believer in the mission of this podcast, Editor/Producer Valencia Saint-Louis. She walks through the mental health journey of the Black Community and the community as a whole with Brianna and Hakeem in such an eloquent, thought provoking, honest, empathetic, and vulnerable, as well as practical manner. I am so beyond pleased that we get to share this with you.

You do not want to miss this week’s show notes and sources from these 2 phenomenal guests. They have such great information and sources to offer all of us. They really are a must see.

In this episode they discuss how Mental Health can serve as an access point for deeper healing, as well as how it’s the intersection of different areas of wellness and performance as a human being, including mind, body, spirit, and social factors.

Brianna and Valencia touch on the fact that Mental health is not something you “came down with”….we all have mental health, and the negative stigma it tends to carry in society and culture needs to be addressed.

Hakeem very openly and vulnerably shares about his own mental health journey with being diagnosed with Bipolar disorder in 2000, and the importance of how his parents handled it and showed up despite the stigmas around mental health they were surrounded by. He shares how he has used his mental health journey as a catalyst to share and do work around this to help others in their journeys. Hakeem shares that he continues to have a great family support system and tools to help on the journey, and how fortunate he feels to have that.

He addresses that communities of color and black people are hurting and need to heal, deserve to heal, that healing is their right, so it’s important to move aside the shame and stigma in families, and that is something that needs healing in the collective community.

This group discusses how wonderful it would be if the black community felt empowered and understood the tools available, how different the personal and collective experience would be.

They address the barriers that get in the way of this happening, why the stigmas and fears exist in the Black Community; the trust that has been violated historically that makes vulnerability feel costly, unsafe, and not something that can be shared freely.

Hakeem shares an acronym that he uses with the word SEE - ShareEducationEquipping. He talks about the stereotype belief that Black men should not cry, need to be the warrior, and all of them discuss what all of this surviving and protecting with no mechanisms to process emotions and feelings for men and women, or the tools to deal with these things, is costing in terms of health and quality of life.

They talk about their wish for Black community to understand that everyone needs an emotional education and foundation. Brianna talks about how she would love for the Black community to create a pillar and foundation of emotional health and wellbeing including:

Stress tolerance - being able to work and soothe your way through something difficult
Be able to name emotions - most people start with “I think” rather than really knowing
Identify how the emotions they are feeling are being felt and experienced in their physical body
Because the Black community has lived life in survival mode, there’s not been room left to think about, process, and move through emotions
If they are willing to make this a priority then each generation can progressively enjoy more peace, contentment, and emotional awareness

Hakeem shares how he had to get over that “just wanting to get over it” mentality, and accept that you still have to tend to your mental health throughout life, that it’s a journey, and we are one part of this continuum. He shares his belief that “If I heal I’m making it better for somebody that comes after me”. It’s not selfish to heal and take time for self care.

Hakeem states the most profound thing in an episode full of profound statements, “We’ve been hurting for so long, we don’t even realize we’re in pain”. Wow! He continues that the Black community, “needs to go on this healing journey, we are missing something that’s getting in the way, “I have a right to be well, I have a right to be whole”.

Valencia touches on how “self care is selfish” is widely predominant in the culture as a whole, especially amongst women, women who are Mom’s, women who feel responsible for putting everyone else first.

As they discuss what tools, resources, and practices are available and accessible to the community, Brianna emphasizes that there needs to be a sense of inclusion, of us all being at a “Round Table” and shares the resources that she uses herself and recommends to others.

Hakeem sheds light on the importance of recognizing that there’s Personal Choice - deciding that this is not my life and making a choice that I’m going to get better and stay well.

Valencia remarks on how we talk about healing through the shadow or the fog, but she finds that what is not spoken about as much, is that healing by going through the light can also be part of the journey as well, including doing things that are nourishing for our souls.

This group goes over what Allyship looks like for each of them; the importance of acknowledging privilege, that our system was set up for some groups to have more privilege than others, to own and acknowledge the truth of that so we can all heal and move forward to live as the interconnected humans we were created to be. They talk about the importance of Empathy instead of Sympathy, not wanting anyone’s pity, but instead the sense of “I’m standing with you, I’m for you, and I’m going to show up for you and with you, and we’re going to move this needle and make things the way they should be together.”

They talk about the intersection of Physical, Mental, and Emotional Health and how they’re all connected to one another. They speak about how they’ve all had to journey to the understanding of that connection because historically these aspects of health have been looked at as separate entities; the layers involved in this, how to recognize them, and address them for optimal health.

Boundaries are discussed, and how they need to be understood and reflected in each of our lives, and the effect that has on their health and wellbeing and the health and wellbeing of their relationships.

There are so many important nuggets shared in this conversation that we all need to hear, know about, and practice how it applies to each of our lives. It might be the conversation I’m most proud of that we’ve had here at The F.E.E.L Podcast and I urge you to listen, take notes, and most importantly not miss it!

The F.E.E.L Podcast 5/21/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 5/21/22

Episode 8b: Being an Educator in Uncharted Times

By Jessica Garrison

Last week, The F.E.E.L podcast featured three educators who openly discussed their experiences during the pandemic. They shared their doubts, their hardships, and how they are still overcoming the uncertainty of this time in their lives. This week the podcast hosts educators Kayli Blankenship, Morgan Bell, and Nicole DiNardo-Gray as they share their stories. Similar to last week’s guests, these amazing women discuss their journey with prioritizing self care, setting boundaries, and taking care of their physical and emotional health.

Self care is a core topic of the podcast, and it’s always interesting to hear what it sounds like to others versus what it sounds like to me. We’ve said before that self care is actually a selfless thing because when you take care of yourself, you’re able to give the best version of yourself to others. This is even more true when it comes to teachers; they’re expected to give so much of themselves to their students, and it can be quite draining. The women in this week’s episode agreed that you have a right to rest, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about needing to take that time for yourself.

It’s important for everyone to remember that self care doesn’t look the exact same across the board. My favorite quote from this episode comes from Morgan who says, “[self care] is about finding things that feed your soul.” Self care isn’t always the stereotypical bubble bath and face mask, but it could be. It could be going for walks, painting, yoga, reading, or anything that makes your body feel whole and nourished. The point is that it looks different for everyone, and no matter what your self care love language is, don’t be afraid to express it.

Not only is self care about treating yourself, but it’s also about setting boundaries. Everyone had something to say about this topic because setting boundaries is something we learn for ourselves, rather than being taught. Kayli shares how she began resenting how much time she was dedicating outside of work because she wasn’t setting proper boundaries for herself. I thought that word was perfect for the scenario because she doesn’t necessarily dislike her job or dislike the work she’s doing, but there’s this disdain for how much time it’s taking up that should be spent doing other things. You have to figure out what you are willing to do for your work and what you are willing to sacrifice to get the job done. Some people are willing to do and sacrifice things that others won’t, and that’s okay. It’s all about you and what you can live with at the end of the day.

After setting the boundaries, sticking to them is essential. Nicole says that she works to live, not lives to work. Her words really resonated with me because I’ve grown up with the idea that your job is the most important thing and you should be willing to do whatever it takes for your job. I’ve been trying to change this mindset in my life when it comes to work. It’s easier said than done, but knowing that other people struggle with saying “no” brings a sense of comfort; we’re all in this together, and the past two episodes have definitely shown that.

There was a lot of self doubt that existed before the pandemic, but it was magnified during the lockdown. Everyone questioned whether or not what they were doing was enough for their students, while also trying to take care of themselves and keep their energy up for them. Not only did teachers have to adjust to students going completely online during the pandemic, but then they had to readjust to students coming back into the classroom. They had to reteach students how to be students and had a very small transition period. I graduated from college before it came time to experience the transition period back into the classroom, but I was kind of glad I didn’t have to. After two years of working a certain way during the pandemic and accepting this was the new way of life, I can’t imagine having to be expected to ignore what happened in the past and go back to the way things were before. Teachers are never going to get out of this loop, and they are expected to produce results when it comes to testing and students’ success. They constantly have to change how they approach their job, while also considering the impact it’s going to make on the community.

These challenges have been existing for the past two years, but I personally never thought of them from the perspective of my educators. I’m grateful for the opportunity to listen to these three women speak on what they’ve been going through with the pandemic, and I hope their words of wisdom help listeners gain new insight, as they have helped me.

The F.E.E.L Podcast 5/14/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 5/14/22

Episode 8a: Being an Educator in Uncharted Times

By Jessica Garrison

The past few years have been anything but normal for everyone, no matter your background or geographic location. But having to adjust your whole career’s structure within a week is a new level of stress that I could never imagine experiencing. Educators not only had to adjust to a new environment of working at home rather than working in a school, but they had to adjust the way they’ve taught students for years. Students who may not be as good at adjusting as others, or students who saw going to school as an escape, who no longer have a place to go where they feel safe. The added pressure of making all of those students successful is an intimidating hurdle to conquer, and we want to shed a light on those who have accomplished the impossible.

The first part of The F.E.E.L Podcast’s teacher appreciation week features educators Amy Stuart VanderMaas, Clay Kennedy, and Morgan Kirkpatrick. The three of them come from a variety of areas of study, age, background, and school districts; they offer their personal experiences with the 2020 school year and all the adjustments that had to come with it. With social distancing, remote learning, and mask mandates becoming widely politicized, it was difficult enough ground to cover as a student—I can’t imagine having to be the adult in charge who is also under the scrutiny of parents and a school board. The three of them share their journey and the lessons they learned while teaching during the pandemic.

The biggest takeaway I got from listening to these incredible people talk is that leaning on one another and supporting one another was essential to getting through these trying times. Despite all of the differences in their experiences and how they handled the situations, this they could agree upon. No one knew better what they were going through than the educator next to them, and knowing you are not alone is part of the confidence we all need.

Morgan talked about her experiences at home and how she never “turned it off.” When you have your schooling at home, it’s a difficult boundary to establish. It used to be so easy to decipher where your work life ends and your personal life begins, but with remote work, that line continues to get blurry. Melissa said it perfectly during this discussion: “[Home] is supposed to be my rest place, but it is no longer feeling restful.” Each person has to figure out how they’re going to divide up their time when they’re working from home and discover the boundaries for themselves. I’ve been learning this over the last few months as the featured blog writer, while still trying to balance my writing and my free time. I would say this conversation was my favorite part of the episode because even if you aren’t an educator, this topic can resonate with anyone, specifically those who work from home and are trying to find a balance.

Another lesson that was imperative to learn after the pandemic was saying “no.” When everything is available at the touch of a finger, you have to respect the boundaries you’ve created for yourself. Otherwise, your mental health will suffer for it. Teachers are such relied upon individuals that Clay stated he would feel guilty for saying no to certain events. He felt that he wouldn’t be asked unless he was truly needed, so he felt like he had to keep saying yes or else he wouldn’t be good enough. It’s a deeply emotional toll it takes on a person to have such a weight on your shoulder. I really admire Clay for acknowledging the struggle and speaking openly about it.

While sharing stories of how this profession and its changes have had an effect on their emotional and physical health, Amy shared her story that I found quite interesting. She said when the mask mandate was recently withdrawn, so many of the kids continued to wear their masks, which she found unexpected. The difference between her region and the others’ is that she worked with a lot of minorities and those who don’t come from a strong socioeconomic background—this observation speaks volumes to the understanding that we don’t know what other people are going through. Amy’s attention to detail in the classroom helps us realize how important our differences are and respecting them can only unify us more.

Everyone learns differently, so to suddenly be forced into a specific environment where you might not feel the most focused, the most safe, or the most calm, can affect your learning ability. But there wasn’t a choice with this. Educators just had to make the adjustments and try to help their students in the best ways they could.

I believe that teaching is one of the most admiral jobs a person can have. They are responsible for the education and growth of young people and have the power to change them in profound ways. I’ve mentioned before that I have a teacher who inspired me to be a writer, and I’ve had countless others who encouraged me to follow my dreams along the way. Without them being positive figures in my life, I know I could never be where I am today. I’m sure everyone has a teacher they look back on fondly and can thank them for their future in some capacity. It’s kind of a magical moment when you realize how much one profession, one person can have an effect on you. Thank you to Amy, Clay, Morgan, and all of the teachers out there who have changed the world for the better. We appreciate you.

The F.E.E.L Podcast 4/25/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 4/25/22

Episode 7: A Life of Growth & Care with Jaime Wheeler

This episode idea was actually brought to me by someone who works on Jaime’s team at the nonprofit she and her husband direct together. This member of Jaime's work team had become a follower of The F.E.E.L Podcast and messaged me via Instagram with this idea. The funny irony in the whole story is that I actually know of Jaime because her nonprofit is one of our partners through my day job with the Volunteer Center of Lubbock. When I let this person that had suggested Jaime as a guest know where I worked during the day, we had a chuckle at what a small world this is, and how incredibly grateful I am that she brought this idea to me. I also then wondered, how in the world did I not think of this myself, but that’s the beauty of shared ideas and being open to our listeners suggestions. So, if any of you our followers have suggestions, message us on Instagram @embracinglayers or email us at embracinglayers@gmail.com. I say that because I would have hated to have you all miss out on this opportunity to hear from Jaime if her friend had not been willing to send that suggestion our way.

Jaime said a lot of really wise and important things in this episode, so get your pens and paper ready, but there was one message that stuck out to me above all else, and that is that she is Here to Participate versus Consume, meaning she does not want to be a passive consumer in her life. What a striking message and self awareness, and given the work she does in the community, in her relationships, and in her life, you can definitely see this as the compass she has used to direct her.

People in her life describe her as having a contagious drive & spirit, a person who carries herself with joy, is a natural leader, and is committed to being a peacemaker. She also carries an innate strength to keep seeing the good. I would argue that without that last sentence it would be difficult, if not impossible to do the work she does in our community, which encompasses a great amount of heartbreak along with a great amount of breakthrough, healing, and victory. She carries that juxtaposition with empathy, humility, and a sense of reality, never wavering that this is the life she has grown into and was meant for. She is a 7 on the Enneagram, which is really no surprise as you listen to her and how she operates and walks through her life and what and how she cares for people and causes. See her resources information on our website for more information on the Enneagram if that is not something you are familiar with.

Jaime has several preventative and restorative practices in her life that sustain and fill her up, and important resources in what she reads and consumes that guide that path as well. You’re definitely going to want to check out the sources she cites on our website as there are very impactful resources that you may want to put in your toolbox as well.

I’m going to end with another statement she made in this episode when we were discussing embracing the layered aspect of ourselves that really stuck with me as well, and that was “Do I value more layers, or the depth of my layers?”.

Think on that this week, and make sure you don’t miss out on this episode with Jaime Wheeler!

The F.E.E.L Podcast 4/10/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 4/10/22

Reflecting Upon Seasonal Depression

By Jessica Garrison

It appears that spring has finally sprung! Despite allergies kicking in and moving wardrobe to and from the attic, it’s a wonderful part of the year to indulge in. Spring is the season of rebirth, and you might notice a change in your emotions and mental state as the flowers begin to bloom. Well, there’s a reason you’re feeling this way, and you aren’t the only one with questions about it.

Mostly known as seasonal depression, seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a common form of depression that tends to appear in people during the winter months and fades when the weather starts to change. This is something that I have personally dealt with for years, but I didn’t know exactly what was going on until I went to college. Just like other forms of mental illness, seasonal depression isn’t always brought up as an important topic of conversation. However, there’s been a fight to end the stigma surrounding depression, and it is certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

Symptoms of seasonal affective disorder are similar to major depressive disorder, though they tend to get better once the winter months end. These symptoms can include feelings of sadness, loss of interest in once enjoyed activities, oversleeping, loss of energy, and difficulty concentrating. It’s more likely for this to begin showing up in people between the ages of 18 and 30, particularly in women, though men experience SAD as well. If you do see yourself reflected in these symptoms, it’s important to reach out for help or talk to a medical professional. Your emotions could just be a result of the season, but it doesn’t hurt to make sure you’re not experiencing something more severe that you could need help with.

In my experience, I can feel it in my body when the seasonal depression is kicking in. Just stepping outside makes me sigh in misery, and I have no desire to participate in anything. Not even taking part in activities that nourish me sounds interesting; I’d rather just disappear under a pile of covers until I can hang up my winter coat for the year. It’s a long few months to get through, and every year feels a bit different, so it can be hard to prepare. I know these feelings are going to happen, but it’s impossible to stop them from coming. Still, I’ve found that even if you can’t stop them completely, there are ways that you can help yourself push through the dreadful winter.

Believe it or not, you can trick your body into thinking it’s summertime, which can help relieve your seasonal depression symptoms. Sitting in front of lights (light therapy), keeping the shades open during the day to let the sunlight in, participating in social activities, and going for walks or other physical activities can reduce symptoms of seasonal depression. Taking antidepressants or vitamin D capsules can also be helpful during this tough time, but speaking with your doctor about that first would be best in deciding which route will be most helpful for you to take.

The best time to reflect upon seasonal depression is right after it’s over when you can feel your body and mind making these changes. It’s now the time of year where I smile when I go outside and breathe in the fresh air; my whole mood has transformed. I suggest journaling about what you were experiencing each time around to be best equipped for the next winter, so you can compare your emotions from season to season and see what remedies worked best for you during those difficult times.

It’s less common for people to be affected by SAD during the summer months, but it’s still possible. So if you experience these symptoms during the summer but not during any other months, then don’t dismiss them. SAD could be affecting you, too. My advice remains the same, no matter what season you may be experiencing the depression. What’s most important to remember is that you’re not alone. I used to never understand why I would feel this way and why it was so intense when it got cold outside. But now that I understand where these feelings are coming from and why it’s happening, it is so much easier to deal with. I wish I had known about the seriousness of seasonal affective disorder earlier, but now that I do, I’m happy to share the information with others to be able to cope. We’re all free for another winter, but sooner or later, it’ll be time to go through those old journals and create habits to take care of ourselves. There’s no time like the present to learn more about your body and its needs.

All scientific information from this blog comes from the American Psychiatric Association. If you or someone you know is struggling with depression, whether it is related to SAD or not, do not hesitate to reach out for help. Some resources are listed below.

Depression Hotline: 1-888-640-5174

Websites:

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

SAMHSA: Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration

ADAA: Anxiety Disorders and Depression Association of America

The F.E.E.L Podcast 3/29/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 3/29/22

Episode 5: Courage, Clear Boundaries, and Love for Yourself Daily with Germaine Jeanty

I want to start out by saying that I love all of my varied, far ranging conversations that I get to have with amazing people around our talking points. I always come out of an episode feeling like one of the luckiest people in the world that I get to have these conversations and share them with the world. This conversation was no exception. She is wise behind her twenty something years, and shares authentically about her lived experiences. Get your pen and paper out when you get ready to listen to this conversation, because you are going to get to learn from our new Assistant Podcast Editor (and so much more), Germaine Jeanty.

We talk about the courage it took to move halfway across the country, and how once you’re out of college, you’re expected to all of a sudden make adult decisions about your life when there’s no formal training prior to that; to differentiate between what you want to do, or if you’re just doing what others expect or want you to do. We talk about how making those decisions teaches you how to trust yourself, and that you can’t start trusting yourself until you do in fact start making those decisions.

We talk about the importance of never betraying yourself and your own boundaries, and how you have to first honor your own boundaries that you’ve set, before you can expect others to. We talk about being the youngest of 5 daughters, and what it’s been like becoming an adult when her older sisters still want to see her as the youngest baby girl in the family; the importance of her being clear about her boundaries and expectations around that as she has moved into adulthood. We talk about what “clear and direct but kind” looks like and how she will bounce that off trusted friends when she’s looking for feedback.

We talk about the impact her Mom’s trust of her regarding decision making growing up, and how that gave her that taste of freedom and respect she needed to be able to step into the shoes as an adult, being confident in her ability to make good choices and decisions for herself.

We discuss that just because you sometimes need to apologize for how you delivered a message, it does not mean that the message was wrong, and being clear about that as well.

We talk about not invalidating people’s feelings in your relationships, and how to model that yourself so that others around you feel empowered to do the same. Just because you are fortunate to have a good job, does not mean that you dismiss the things about it that need to improve or be better. Just because your parents provide a physically safe home with food on the table, does not mean you have to just accept and be ok with them screaming at you. We can feel multiple emotions in any situation, and none of those should be minimized.

She shares that it’s ok to not always have a “life purpose” all the time, and it is good to enjoy life, have fun, and embrace the journey while you are figuring out what that purpose is. It needs to be fluid, as it will change as you move through different seasons of your life. “You don’t have to work miserably now to have fun later” is one of many wise tidbits Germaine shares in this episode.

Germaine talks about how she learned at an early age to talk herself through scenarios that she might be fearful and sad about, and how she would unpack it to figure out why she felt that way. We talk about what a gift it was to have the wisdom and ability of self reflection and analysis of her circumstances, and how that has served her so well in accepting all the layered aspects of herself, and in turn others.

Germaine carries herself with grace, wisdom, authenticity, confidence, and generosity. I have only known her for a short time, but can tell you I learn and appreciate something new about her every time we have an interaction. I can’t wait for you to listen to this episode as you get to meet Germaine. You will learn and be thankful that you did.

The F.E.E.L Podcast 3/25/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 3/25/22

A Women’s History Month Special: Female Podcasters

By Jessica Garrison

Every March we celebrate Women’s History Month, a time to look back at the groundbreaking work women have done over the years. The monumental efforts put forth by other women help us live the lives we do today as we continue to strive and make history.

When thinking of topics to write about for Women’s History Month, I kept coming back to the idea of podcasts (which is quite fitting), and women sharing their ideas in an open space. In the past, women’s voices have been silenced, unable to speak or live their truths. Meanwhile, podcasts are cemented in the Internet forever, becoming a part of their own history. There’s an unlimited amount of resources and content from diverse voices to hear. I’ve compiled a short list of podcasts—some from the resources list on the Embracing Layers website and some from my own personal lists—of podcasts that reach female audiences. Not only are these podcasts helpful to women, but they are also hosted and created by women.

Against the Odds with Cassie de Pecol and Mike Corey

During the first season of the F.E.E.L Podcast, the Christienson women were featured in the 18th episode entitled “The Art of Being There For Each Other with The Christenson Women.” Reilly lists one of her resources as the podcast “Against the Odds,” which talks about human resilience. This podcast reports incidents where people have to fight for their lives during unbelievable events. Despite all they have to encounter, they’re able to survive and share their stories with others. This inspiring podcast reminds us that we are built to not only overcome, but to thrive.

Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch

Season two guest D’Ann Wells lists this podcast as a resource where two therapists discuss the struggles people go through every day. From guests who recall trouble with drug addiction to stories of romantic turmoil, this podcast really has something for everyone. Even if you feel like you’re alone in your situation, you really aren’t, and what a tremendous resource to have as a reminder of this.

Ladies Who Lunch with Ingrid Nilsen and Cat Valdes

I decided to list this podcast myself because of the variety of topics these amazing women cover. The two YouTubers approach uncomfortable topics in a nonjudgmental, welcoming environment. I love the conversations they have on this podcast, such as bringing awareness to different eating disorders and trying to forgive yourself for past mistakes. With almost 100 episodes of content to discover, there’s so much to learn from and so much to share.

Latino USA with Maria Hinjosa

This is another inclusion from myself that I think is important because of the lack of representation in the online world. This podcast has a female dominated team behind it and over 200 episodes, making it the perfect way to get news you may not have heard of and widen your perspective on what's going on outside of your own bubble. Their website also supports other podcasts that cover Latino topics and issues, which continues these conversations even further.

Now & Then with Heather Cox Richardson and Joanne Freeman

This podcast takes a historical approach to the classic medium, making its episodes so unique when it comes to their perspective on current events. When looking at what’s going on in today’s world when it comes to politics, environmental issues, modern developments, and so much more, these two women look back on the legacies of these topics and share their knowledge. It takes learning to a whole other level.

Only Human with Mary Harris

I wanted to include this podcast on the list because of its focus on health. In today’s world, healthcare is a difficult thing to navigate, and nothing ever seems easy. As the website says, “everyone has a story,” and this podcast offers a safe platform to share others’ experiences on their health and obstacles they’ve had to overcome. Although a bit uncomfortable at times, this podcast is really making waves in the community and standing up for people’s health.

The Happiness Lab with Dr. Laurie Santos

Episode three of season two of the F.E.E.L podcast featured Megan Manierski, who added “The Happiness Lab” to her resource list. This podcast, hosted by Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos, shares scientific research about true happiness and how it’s achieved. Of course, there’s no real answer to that question, but listening to her speak on topics such as anxiety, grief, and burnout can inspire a change in the way you perceive your emotions.

I am a firm believer in empowered women empower women, so sharing these resources and other podcasts resonates with me, especially being on a podcast team full of intelligent and passionate women. Let’s continue to praise and uplift each other every single day for many years to come!

The F.E.E.L Podcast 3/13/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 3/13/22

Episode 4: New seasons, New Expectations with D’Ann Wells

Women in your 30’s and 40’s juggling a career, partner, kids, friendships, and finding a minute for yourself, take heart. This week’s guest is doing all of that too, and has some great insight on how she’s navigating this that I think you all will really find helpful, encouraging and supportive. Twenty somethings, listen and take notes, Fifty somethings and above, find a woman in this season of her life that you can support and lend an ear and some encouraging wisdom to, and I think you’ll hear some good insights for your own life as well.

My favorite thing about this week’s guest, D’Ann Wells, is that she is great at taking and accepting people right where they are at in that very moment, and creates a safe place for people to land. She is a person you feel right at home with immediately, and is one of the most genuine people you’ll ever meet.

D’Ann has learned by listening to her own body, and recognizing from her environment growing up, what is serving her well, and what needs to be changed, and has done it in a way that still feels respectful and accepting of the past versions of herself, while fully owning that change became necessary to allow her to be the best version of herself today.

We discuss how her physical body gave her indicators over the last few years so that it was necessary to utilize self care, and that starts with basic things like enough good food, water, and body movement incorporated into her day. We touch on the fact that you can be doing “good” activities but not have it feel like self care at all if you’re not present in that moment, so make sure to stop and breathe and ground yourself so you can actually benefit from that time. D’Ann brings up that she had to change her thinking about Self Care as she was raised in a culture where it was put on the back burner by the adults around her with a “we’ll stuff this and deal with it later, in retirement, when not taking care of everyone else” attitude.

For D’Ann Boundaries are like a guardrail, giving her protection from taking on or doing too much. She points out that boundaries don’t have to be big extremes, they can be smaller things, like “how am I making space for myself today”. D’Ann has a great practice in place that really sets the tone for her boundaries that goes like this…If someone asks her to be part of something, she does not give an answer for 24 hours so she can think it through to make sure it's a good fit or not. That gives her time to assess and evaluate before committing to something, and is a great example of one those “guardrails” she has in her life.

Regarding Emotional Health and Physical Health, we talk about how the basic things we need most tend to be what gets put on the sideline first…Getting good sleep, drinking water, nourishing body with good food are all practices that help us process emotions in a healthy way, and really inhibit us from doing so if we don’t have those practices in place.

D’Ann is an external processor so uses journaling, thinking through, and naming emotions as tools so she has a handle on what it is that needs to be worked through.

We discuss how she’s now seeing mindfulness and meditation showing up in her kids as those things are talked about in school now versus not being discussed when she was growing up, and how empowering that is for all of them. She’s also recognizing how seasonal changes affect her and being ready to deal with that when that season arrives.

D’Ann is a natural at supporting herself and other women in living unapologetically. She’s adamant about making sure she doesn’t put her relationships with other women on the sidelines, and recognizes how nourishing it is for her to take the time to think about how she can affirm and lift herself and others up. That may sound like a lot to take on in this busy season of life that she is in, but states it can be as simple as being clear and kind on where she’s at, and asking how she can support the women in her life in this season. This can be by sending a check in text, or making a phone call. It's also important to make sure we are not the first to help but the last to ask for help, and that if you can mirror being willing to ask for help, it gives others permission to feel safe doing the same.

D’Ann believes you need to set a few core values in order to create the life you love. You really get 3 big things that you can realistically live by, and these will change in different seasons in life. That change can be disorienting but is so important to understand and know that it’s ok for these to be fluid. Two to three core Values give you a framework to determine what does and doesn’t fit, provides a good scaffolding, and the structure of them really actually provides freedom, and shared language and framing with your partner as you are moving through life.

As D’Ann has worked through living out of her own expectations versus others, she has found her way by sifting through others’ cultures and expectations and determining which ones really belong and align to her and her partner and children. She’s learned there can be resentments waiting to happen if you are living by others’ and not your own, and that it’s necessary to have clarity of what your own expectations are. This then sometimes forces you to define where boundaries are needed based on what your expectations are versus some others in your life. This can feel heady and weighty to take the time to evaluate, but it’s so beneficial when you do.

In Accepting the Layered Aspects of herself, D’Ann is recognizing her growth over the years, and points out the importance of giving our past selves grace knowing that we were doing the best we could at that time. That can mean recognizing our Shadow self, how we think about ourselves and talk to ourselves, and owning that and making adjustments through therapy, and setting new habits when necessary. We discuss how when we were both growing up we did not see women having these conversations, and are realizing how we’ve shifted from belief systems we grew up with, but that does not mean the people we love have shifted too, but learning to still being able to love and accept ourselves in that former way of thinking and those that are still there. We also touch on how acknowledging our own growth and changes allows us to have grace and understanding for others and their layers. When we can do this with ourselves it enables us to go deep and keep finding different layers and connections with people currently in our lives, as well as the new people we connect with. This also allows us to take the space to evaluate our relationships and where they’re at. We talk about how during this pandemic time we’ve really been invited into that, as well as assessing what do we actually want now and what and who are we willing to give our time to.

This was such a far reaching, authentic conversation that I think women and people of all ages are going to be encouraged by, and I think you’ll learn some great nuggets of wisdom as well. I hope you will join us to hear from my friend D’Ann Wells.

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Episode 3: Finding HER Why & HER Values with Megan Manierski

As we kick off Women’s History Month on March 1st, I can’t think of a more well suited episode to start this time off with. You might wonder why I would say that about a guest that is just in her mid 20’s… But what Megan Manierski has walked through in her young life encompasses many of the same types of experiences that so many of our great women in history have encountered and walked through; taking some very difficult, very public challenges, and recognizing how she can use that wisdom gained to help others and herself.

Now I will be the first to tell you that I cringe a little when people in general talk about how “that hard thing was so difficult, but I wouldn’t change it for anything and I know God uses everything for good”. I used to tout those same types of statements and thinking, but over the last 2 + years as I have started deconstructing what I believe versus what I know to be true, I have become much more thoughtful about that statement. I think that, although meaning well, people can be careless with that, especially when trying to use it to “encourage” someone going through a hard time. When you’re in the middle of walking through hell, the last thing you want to hear is “don’t worry, this is going to be used for good someday, you just have to survive the misery you’re in right now”. At that moment, that does not sound loving or helpful. So, when I make this statement, and even really wrestled with titling how I did, it was not without a lot of thought. I think though once you listen to Megan’s story though, you will see how I landed on this.

This a broad ranging conversation, and unique to other conversations we have had because Megan has lived on both sides of so many of our talking points….the personal journey side in how to implement and walk these out based on her own experiences, and on the clinical side as she pursues her Doctorate in Psychology and learns about these topics academically and works with people in a clinical sense. I am not going to give you a ton of clues in this week’s blog because you need to really sit down and listen to this, but bring your notebook because we are in session and learning from the soon to be Dr. Meg.

Some of the highlights we hit on are:

That we as humans really try to avoid discomfort, instead of treating it as a clue that’s trying to tell us something.
It’s important to name what you’re feeling and identify the true root of why you’re feeling that way, and not just stuff it or try to hurry up and get rid of it. This is where we learn and nail down what actually needs to be processed and healed.
Listen to your physical body…it carries your experiences, and will let you know when you need rest, healing, and that something needs to be addressed.
It’s important to be surrounded by people who love and support you well, and if you don’t have those people, find them. But to really know what that looks like, you must first learn how to love yourself and accept all of the layers that come with you.
- What it looks like to accept all your layers, and recognize that it is in fact true that sometimes those difficult experiences really can become some of your greatest points of wisdom and opportunity to help yourself and others.
The challenge student athletes or anyone that has been involved in a particular activity in music, drama, career, etc. for a long period of time, is no longer involved in that activity, and how that brings you to the reality of where your identity is based, and how to get to the core of what healthy identity looks like.

Okay, that’s all I’m giving you because, again, you need to listen to this episode….and bring your pen and notebook :)

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Welcome to Season Two!

By Jessica Garrison

Welcome back to season two of the F.E.E.L. Podcast! This upcoming season is full of even more incredible guests who have so much to share about their journey through life, including their progression with self care and understanding necessary boundaries. A few episodes of the newest season have already aired, and they’re well worth the wait.

The first three episodes of season two feature young women in their 20s, navigating their lives post college and trying to find their place in this world. There’s so much conversation to be had at this time in someone’s life, especially when it comes to finding a job, discovering new passions, and trying so hard to live up to your own expectations rather than the ones forced upon you. These ladies have amazing insight when it comes to these difficult topics, and it’s easy to find yourself relating to their experiences, no matter how different. The fourth episode then shifts to a guest in her 30s, who is balancing self care with the rest of her life. While trying to be the best parent, the best partner, the best friend she can be, she still has to work on becoming her best self. It seems impossible to take care of yourself when there’s so many other aspects of your life relying on you, but this guest generously shares the ups and downs she’s faced while trying to find this balance. The various backgrounds and experiences provided by F.E.E.L’s guests this season reminds us that we’re all on our own path, and there’s no right way to travel it.

Season two kicks off with the new social media specialist for the podcast, Charlotte Feehan. I love how open and vulnerable Charlotte is about her feelings, even the ones that aren’t culturally accepted as ideal. Listening to this episode is a great reminder to embrace any emotions you’re feeling, and it’s more than acceptable to immerse yourself in them. Charlotte looks back at times in her life where she bottled her feelings up, and it made her feel worse than just letting herself be angry or cry when she needed to. She says, “Allowing yourself to express emotions in a very real and natural way is not a bad thing.” Trying to force ourselves into a specific emotional state, even if well-intentioned, can create a negative effect, rather than a positive one. Her encouraging mindset on expressing emotions is one we should all aim to share.

Episode two features Meghan VanderMaas Ollis, an active military member who continues to navigate both her work life and personal life. Meghan shares a key part of what helps her feel nourished at the end of the day: engaging in meaningful activity. Doing what you think you should be doing and doing what will actually heal you are two different things, and that comes with finding what self care regimens work for you. Find what actually makes you feel whole at the end of the day and spend your time doing that, rather than activities that won’t make you feel fulfilled. It can take time to find what activity does this for you, but it’s more than worth it in the end.

One of my favorite episodes of the entire podcast thus far comes from the third episode of season two with Megan Manierski. Megan opens up about being vulnerable and accepting every emotion that comes her way. She says that “emotions are a guidance,” and it’s important to realize what you’re feeling to be able to set the boundaries you need. During her years as a student athlete, Megan learned that listening to your body is the best thing you can do for yourself. She describes waking up one day feeling sore and assumed it was from working out or playing sports, so she kept going through her day as usual. As it turned out, she was sick and running a fever. Hearing her say this reminded me of a few times I’ve needed to rest my body but didn’t listen when I should have. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone, but it’s a shame how often we do this to ourselves. Hopefully listening to her story will help everyone understand how important it is to take care of our physical health, as well as our mental health.

The podcast’s fourth episode features D’Ann Wells, who speaks on her experiences with self care and how it’s evolved over the years. Her discussion about supporting those around her in a way that doesn’t drain herself is a great lesson for anyone to learn. To hear her specific stories on these experiences, you’ll have to tune into episode four on March 15th. There’s still plenty of lively content to come, and the way these past few episodes have turned out, you won’t want to miss the rest of season two!

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Episode 2: Defining Her Own Expectations with Meghan VanderMaas Ollis

I have literally known Meghan since she was born, as she is the oldest daughter of my life long friend Amy Stuart VanderMaas, who you met in Episode 17 of Season 1. It was really fun for me to be able to have this conversation with Meghan as an adult and hear about all she’s learning and experiencing as she navigates life as a newly married woman where both she and her husband Seth serve in the Air Force.

Meghan’s navigation of our talking points has such a unique lens because as someone who is working in the Air Force, much of her life is determined by the assignments she, as well as her husband Seth, receive and have to follow. She was able to pick the path she wanted to follow while at the Academy, but once that was determined, within that there are a lot of absolutes that she must adhere to. So living by your own expectations, having and communicating healthy boundaries, and moving through emotions in a healthy way when an assignment is not necessarily your first choice, requires a different kind of intentionality and deconstruction.

We talk about the importance of self care, and making sure that you are doing what fills you up and nourishes you, no matter how different that may look from what others might be doing.

Meghan shares how since she and Seth are both in the Air Force, they need intentional practices that help them have boundaries around how much time they spend talking about work so they have separation from work life and their relationship as partners.

We discuss how she has had to be intentional with communicating boundaries, knowing that work dictates a lot of her schedule, as well as being a newly married couple living in Hawaii with lots of loved ones wanting to visit. Within that there has been great opportunity to grow as a new couple being stationed far away from family so they could set their own foundation as a partnership based on their unique values and terms. They love having visitors but they make sure it’s during time that she and Seth truly have to give. In this Meghan shares “I don’t owe people an explanation as to why I’m doing things” and that it continues to be a journey in being intentional about not feeling guilty about that.

We cover the importance of naming emotions so you can process it through and communicate them to your partner what it is you are feeling and what you need, but also being ok not being ok every moment; being comfortable being uncomfortable without forcing your way out of it; that emotions are not bad, that they’re part of our make-up and serve as clues to what we need to feel and process all the way through.

Since she doesn’t always have a say in the military assignments she receives, she's realizing, sometimes you have to reframe why you might be bothered by a scenario and how you can give yourself permission to move through it and passed it in a healthy way.

In living unapologetically and supporting other women in that endeavor, we talk about the uniqueness, even now, of being a woman in the military, and how that can invite women to feel threatened by each other because there are so few females. This can cause women to have a tendency to put a wall up, and it can take time to break that down. Meghan is finding that when she allows herself to be vulnerable with these female counterparts, it can give permission and open up that door for supporting each other and them feeling safe to do the same.

Meghan shares that she is currently deconstructing what she wants and desires in a world where so much is dictated by her work, so finding where her values and “why” fit within that. It helps her to know the core is always her faith and its foundation within her therefore within how she operates in the world. She also goes into what deconstructing the role of the church in our current political environment looks like for her, and how she's finding God and a lot of peace in nature and its beauty.

Living out of your own expectations within the expectations the military lays out for her is another unique part of Meghan’s journey. She’s learning how you find herself in that, and the role of healthy boundaries and communication about what’s important to her and what she values in that moment, and how important having good leadership is in feeling able to do that. She’s also always exploring “What are my expectations of others and have I imposed them on myself”, and are they realistic?

One of the greatest values of her Air Force experience is that she gets to meet people from all walks of life, from so many cultures, constantly reminding her that everyone has a story to tell. She’s learned the importance of accepting her own layers through her own story, and how that helps her listen to and see others stories and layers and their unique, intrinsic value. She’s found that the difficult parts of her story can sometimes be used to help others, and how empowering and healing that is. A major takeaway continues to be that people in other cultures just want to be heard and valued for who they are and what they bring to the world, not diminished and devalued.

Maybe the most valuable takeaway from this conversation is Meghan’s wisdom in the importance of slowing down and being present in the moment, especially in her relationships; the importance of listening and being present in conversations, and how that helps her in learning about those she works with, lives around, and is in relationship with. Within that Meghan talks about being a “simplest”, in that she does not need a lot of things, but values moments, experiences and being present with the people she’s with above hurrying through and acquiring “things”.

This was such a great conversation and was so enlightening and encouraging to hear about this twenty something’s curious, intentional approach she takes in her life, not being afraid to deconstruct things to make sure she is walking out this life in the way that’s most authentic to how she was designed to live and be in this world, understanding that we are always in process, always learning, always growing.

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The F.E.E.L Podcast: Season One Wrap Up

By Jessica Garrison

Throughout season one of The F.E.E.L (Finding Empowerment Embracing Layers) Podcast, challenging topics were discussed openly and freely in a safe space for conversation. Despite a variety of guests and subjects, many of the lessons we learned from the podcast episodes can be applied throughout each discussion point in addition to all aspects of our lives.

Revisiting Boundaries

Establishing boundaries isn’t only important for romantic relationships, but for everyone we come across in our journey of life. One of the most important things to remember about boundaries is that they look different to everyone and can change upon relationships. We learn while listening to the podcast that boundaries are a lifelong practice and don’t look the same on everyone. It’s important to not only communicate your boundaries to those around you, but to also stick to them, which gets a bit trickier. However, to live life to its fullest potential of happiness, boundaries are such a crucial role we have to set in place. They’re not a negative to be avoided, but rather a positive to help our relationships grow stronger.

One of my favorite episodes from season one comes from guest Christy Martinez Garcia, who spoke deeply on the topic of boundaries. Boundaries are a way to protect yourself, communicate your needs, and to also advocate for yourself. Setting your boundaries and sticking to them not only reminds yourself of your worth and the value of your feelings, but it also reminds others of those things. I try to remind myself that if I don’t respect the boundaries I’ve set into place, then others won’t respect them, and that typically leads to people taking advantage of me, which I’m tired of happening. Use your boundaries to advocate for yourself, because you deserve the utmost respect when it comes to your life and your time.

Living Out of Your Own Expectations

From the moment we are born, there are expectations put on us. At the end of the day, the decisions you make are your own. It’s important to live the life you want to live and make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons. Something that resonated with me during this conversation among the guests (and even brought tears to my eyes at one point) is that we get to a certain age, and then don’t even know who we are. I’m 23 years old and still trying to discover who I am and who I want to be, rather than continuing to live up to the expectations of others. It’s not uncommon for people to feel this way, but the earlier in life we realize we need to live for ourselves rather than others, the happier we’ll be in the long run. Although easier said than done, it’s worth continuing to put forth the effort.

Another frequent talking point among guests was that it’s impossible to make everyone happy, and even as you put forth so much effort to do so, there will always be disappointment. Don’t let that disappointment be towards yourself. As one guest put it, “You disappointing other people is not worth you abandoning yourself anymore.” Live your truth, and the rest should fall into place.

How to Prioritize Self Care in Your Life

Although it can feel selfish at times, self care is something that needs to be recognized and prioritized in our everyday lives. With the constant stress in our lives due to the pandemic and just trying to do our best in the world, we need to find ways to nourish our bodies and build ourselves back up. This looks different for everyone, same as boundaries, because of the different activities that make us feel refueled. If you still struggle with putting yourself first, remember that if you take care of yourself first, then you’re able to give the best version of yourself to those around you, so if you think about it, it isn’t selfish at all.

Taking Care of Emotional Health as Much as Physical Health

With a healthy body comes a healthy mind and vice versa. Everyone has different needs and reactions when it comes to the harshness of the world, but we need to keep ourselves healthy, both inside and out. Finding this balance isn’t always easy, especially in the world we’re currently living in and the obstacles people are constantly facing. But just like self care, taking care of your emotional health is one of the most important things you could possibly do, the same as taking care of your physical health. You are important. You are a priority. Never forget that.

Cultivating Healthy Relationships

By implementing all of these other practices, cultivating healthy relationships is bound to come with ease. However, having a healthy relationship with everyone you come across is impossible; the other party may not be respectful towards your wishes and needs. The podcast this season was full of wisdom, but there’s one quote to definitely take away from this season’s topic: “Your needs will never be too much for the right person and in a healthy relationship.”

It’s been a wonderful first season for the F.E.E.L podcast, full of impactful conversations to remind us we’re not alone in our struggles and defeats. There are many more empowering and honest episodes to come soon. See you in season two!

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Episode 1: Learning to Live Out F.E.E.L with OUR OWN Charlotte Feehan

Welcome to Season 2 of The F.E.E.L Podcast! We are so excited to be back here with you with all new episodes with more smart, intuitive, curious, adventurous women that we have the great privilege of being connected to. We are kicking off the first couple of months of this season with some very insightful 20 somethings that I’m so honored to get to share with you.

With all things new, we have a few new things here at the F.E.E.L Podcast in our new season, and that includes some new staff that you are going to get a chance to meet over the next few weeks. We will also be coming at you bi-weekly this season rather than weekly. We all have full time jobs outside of our work here so this gives us more time to come up with great content for you without wearing ourselves out :). We’re also going with one, universal theme song for our intro and outro this season so you’ll have to let us know what you think about that. If you loved our Season 1 walk up songs that were different with each episode based on what our guest picked, now worries, we are going to share how you can get to those regularly soon, so be on the lookout for that!

Before doing that though, I want to give a huge shout out to Abby Bekele, our original Social Media/Brand/Website Specialist who has a great new Marketing job, so it was time to step away from this opportunity. She built our website, our logo, and our Instagram, and I could not have done this without her! So happy for her in this new opportunity and so thankful for what she gave to the F.E.E.L Podcast. She will always be part of our team here, and hopefully we’ll all get to see flashes of her from time to time. Thank you Abby! We love you and appreciate you so much!

Now, I am equally thankful that through a 2+ month search we were able to find our new Social Media Specialist, Charlotte Feehan, who you will get to meet in this week’s episode to kick off our new season. She is bright, creative, insightful, and intuitive, and we can’t wait to see all the great ideas and content she comes up with this season. Those are just my words to describe her. You’re going to get to hear how she describes herself and her thoughts around all of our talking points (that are slightly revamped, but have the same feel, no pun intended) as we get to know Charlotte this week.

This episode was almost as revealing to me as it will be to you. Unlike Abby and Valencia, who I had a previous relationship with before starting this podcast, Charlotte I only knew through our Zoom interview process, Zoom staff meetings over the last month, and the content she was creating. I knew she was more than qualified and capable of doing this work well, and that she believes in what we do here at The F.E.E.L Podcast, but beyond that I had not had the chance to get to know her more, until we recorded this episode. What a great opportunity for me and for her to share her insights, struggles, triumphs, and what she’s learning with the world.

Here’s a snapshot of some of the highlights Charlotte shares:

Self Care is not selfish, and necessary to be the best version of yourself for you and for others
- Self care changes with the season you’re in
- Getting out for a walk and outside when you’ve been on zoom and screens all day is so important for her self care
Boundaries are very hard to set when you’re a “people pleaser”
- If someone truly cares about you, they will respect the boundaries you set
Taking breaks from Social Media for the good of your emotional health (even the Social Media Specialist needs a break sometimes :) )
- Expressing our emotions, being vulnerable, crying are not a bad thing, but are healthy and allow you to move feelings and emotions through our bodies
You are worthy of living the life you want to live without judgment
We all have our own unique values, and don’t need to be doing what others around you are doing when it does not align with those values and your uniqueness
If people can’t accept all of your layers then they can’t truly love you
Find empowerment in yourself and in your experiences as you’ve overcome things
- Your vulnerability gives others permission to be vulnerable
The surprising things I learned about Charlotte when she was sharing how she shows up in her relationships

There’s so much that Charlotte shares within each of these points so make sure you get on this week to meet and learn more from meeting Charlotte Feehan. Welcome back to our new season. We’re so happy to have you!

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Bonus Episode 5: Cultivating Healthy Relationships

We have reached our final week of our Season 1 Mashup series, and we’re bringing it home with discussing Relationships; what healthy ones look like and how the previously discussed talking points play a role in our ability to have healthy relationships.

Two common themes continually came up with our Season 1 guests regarding relationships. The first one is Boundaries; setting them, communicating them, asking them to be respected, and what that tells you about a relationship when they’re not. Within that we discuss that we put boundaries in place with relationships we care about, as well as to create health for ourselves. Tied closely to that is when does sharing and communicating a difficult experience or emotion with someone venture over into emotional dumping and venting? How do we place a boundary around that? Also tying closely to boundaries is not allowing ourselves to do what our family, partner, children expect of us at a cost to ourselves, and the need to put a boundary in place there. We need to also not be afraid to do what’s best for our family and how we relate to each other even if it goes counter to what culture or society tells us is correct; so not living by an unhealthy boundary that society has tried to set for us.

The second common theme that came up with this talking point throughout the season was the importance of liking and loving ourselves well, having a healthy relationship with ourselves first, and making sure we are showing up in relationships as our truest, most authentic selves. It’s going to be difficult, if not impossible, to be engaged in healthy relationships if you don’t first have one with yourself. It is not the responsibility of anyone we are in a relationship with to make us happy, nor is it our responsibility to make anyone we are in a relationship with happy. If we don’t first value ourselves then it makes it way too easy to allow ourselves to engage in and stay in unhealthy, toxic relationships. We must think enough of ourselves to not allow that to go on, and to remove ourselves from it if it does start happening. It’s also very difficult to love others fully with all of their layers if we have not first extended that to ourselves. In turn, we can’t force someone into healthy relationship habits. They have to want that for themselves and their relationships, and think enough of themselves and their relationships to engage in that. For ourselves, remembering not to allow and being aware of when we’re allowing past relationship traumas affect the one’s we’re in now. A great phrase one of our guests used is “don’t water something that’s not going to grow”. I think that’s a great truth to live by.

Some good signals that we are in healthy relationships might include the freedom to share and promote each other’s stories with authenticity and vulnerability; as we change how we think or believe about something, feeling the freedom and safety to share that, and not just expect those we’re close to know; lifelong relationships take time and commitment, and a decision by both parties that it’s something they want to maintain, and conversely, not all relationships are for life, they may have a season, and that’s ok too; good friends have a trust and love for each other that allows them to tell each other what they need to hear, even if it’s hard but needs to be said; relationships are built and strengthened by shared experiences, dancing, singing, sharing a meal, coffee, a hike or walk together; moments big and small. A couple of our guests spoke to the importance of being your daughter’s Mother instead of their best friend and why that’s important. Healthy relationships want you to all live and love unapologetically.

It’s also important to remember that we don’t have to be friends with everyone we come across. Not everyone is going to click and that’s ok. Extend kindness and respect, but you don’t have to be friends.

And last, but very much not least, treat each relationship as the gift it is and cherish it because our time on earth is finite and it’s important to live and love well in these moments.

I hope you enjoy this final mashup of season 1 as we dive into relationships.

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Bonus Episode 4: Taking Care of our Emotional Health as much as our Physical Health Mash-Up

As we continue through our revisit of key talking points, I can’t help but reflect on how this week’s topic of our emotional health and physical health being tied to each other is the key factor in why I started this podcast in the first place. My experience with this subject is why we’re here having these conversations today, so I have an extra special attachment to this talking point.

In this week’s mashup we take a look back at all the range of thoughts and experiences that came up in these conversations with our Season 1 Guests.

How those that are student athletes, and athletes in general, are coached up on their physical health, but very little attention (even now) is given to their emotional and mental health. It’s acceptable to miss a practice or workout for a physical ailment, but one is usually scoffed at if they need to miss or take a step back for a mental or emotional one. I believe this is part of the reason so many in the world struggled when Simone Biles took a step back last Summer at the Olympics. If she had a physical injury she would have been extended empathy and grace; people in general would have felt really sad she had to do that. But when she needed to do that for a mental ailment that was, what could be argued, more dangerous to her than a physical ailment, many in the world could not handle that, and could not wait to be critical and question her “toughness”, her “commitment”. The truth is what Simone Biles did took more courage than most people have because she knew how much scrutiny she was going to get, but thought more of herself and her teammates and knew that was the best thing for all of them.

We talk about how we cannot be truly physically healthy without being emotionally healthy. Unprocessed, stuffed emotions will show up in our physical bodies in some fashion if we do not move them through.

We talk about how our society has defined some emotions as “bad” and others as “good”, so therefore that has affected what emotions we do and don’t find safe to feel. In our go, go, go, produce world we move into autopilot and don’t give ourselves time to feel. Then when we’re asked how we feel, we don’t even know. We talk about not being afraid to google an emotions wheel so we can examine that and learn how to name what we are feeling. We can’t process something when we don’t know what it is.

We talk about how our monthly cycles are connected to our emotional and physical health, and how knowing what we need to feed ourselves physically and emotionally can change the way we experience physical, mental, and emotional symptoms during that cycle.

We talk about how mental and emotional health is scrutinized and stigmatized in our culture, and even more so in our Black and Brown communities through fear, stereotypes, biases, not being heard, and just out and out racism. We talk about how men are scrutinized in how or if they show, feel, and process emotions.

We talk about the importance of stepping back and processing emotions before reacting or responding to something, and how much that can change and affect responses and outcomes, especially in relationships.

We talk about how helpful it would be if all workplaces would have the same coverage and care in their wellness packages for mental and emotional health as they do for physical health. Within that, we talk about the mind-body-soul connection and if that’s not tended to then we do end up having physical ailments and issues.

We talk about the importance of not being afraid to ask for help, especially as women and moms, and how much better it is for our health and how we interact in our relationships when we’re willing to release the “superwoman” complex, and just ask for what we need.

We also talk about the importance of enjoying each moment, releasing unrealistic expectations of ourselves, others, and the places we reside, and maybe most importantly, the importance of quality rest and sleep to our mental, emotional, and physical health.

I hope you’ll take the time to revisit these important points with me and all the thoughts and experiences our guests have around them. This may be the most important place to start when embarking on your best, healthiest, self journey. It’s certainly the place that first got my attention.

The F.E.E.L Podcast 1/10/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 1/10/22

Bonus Episode 3: Self Care with Rapid Fire Mash-up

Welcome back to another week of Mashups from Season 1. I’ve loved being able to focus on each talking point and really honing in on what our guests had to say about them. I hope you have as well.

This week we will be taking a listen to what each guest had to say about what Self Care looks like for them as well as their answers to our Rapid Fire Questions. We found these two points tied in really well with each other, as many of their Rapid Fire Answers were also part of their Self Care regime.

The most interesting piece to me as we edited this Mashup was that while we had a very consistent theme of our guests emphasizing the importance of exercise and getting outdoors in their self care regimens, after that it was very diverse and unique to each person. There were a wide variety of practices mentioned, which tells me these people know themselves well, and have found those things that work the best for them. They are less concerned with what marketing tries to tell you is necessary in your self care, and more mindful of participating in those practices and activities that work best for each of them. I love that!

As has been the theme, our guests had a lot to say about these topics, so we will again do a Tuesday-Thursday drop this week with parts 1 and 2 of this mashup. The time stamps will again be available in the Show Notes so you can easily find what your favorite guests had to say about these topics.

We hope you’ll tune in and enjoy this week’s Self Care and Rapid Fire Mashups with us. Have a great week and you can check out all of our full episodes from Season 1 on Embracinglayers.com

The F.E.E.L Podcast 1/5/22 The F.E.E.L Podcast 1/5/22

Bonus Episode 2: Living out of Your own Expectations Mash-up

First of all, Happy New Year from The F.E.E.L Podcast! We hope you are feeling hopeful and ready for 2022.

What a better place to start than a mash-up episode of our “Living Out of Your Own Expectations” conversations from Season 1 to get us all started off on the right foot as we continue to embark on a healthy journey with ourselves in this New Year.

This will feature highlights from our episodes around the conversation of Expectations, and what it looks like to live out of our own for ourselves versus others. We also discuss the difference between hopes we have of ourselves and others versus actual communicated expectations, and what it means to live out of expectations that align with our values versus those that do not.

We hope this will be a good tune up as you approach your own holistically healthy journey with yourself and others, and give you some thoughts and inspiration around that.

As we did with the Boundaries Mash-ups, there will be timestamps in the Show Notes to help you identify your favorite conversations and be able to revisit and share them easily. And like our Boundaries talking point, our guests had a lot to say about Expectations, so this will come to you in 2 parts again this week, with Part 1 dropping on Wednesday morning, January 5th, and Part 2 dropping the very next day on Thursday morning, January 6th.

Again, may this give you the kick start you need, or simply a kind reminder, to live life as your best, healthiest, version of yourself and what that journey looks like for you in 2022!

Take care and thanks for joining us this week on The F.E.E.L Podcast!

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Bonus Episode 1 - Revisiting Boundaries with our Season 1 Guests

As we wrap up our first season of The F.E.E.L Podcast, I just want to thank all of you out there who have joined us on this journey, and for all of our guests in our first 20 episodes that helped make this all possible! This podcast is my creative joy, and none of it happens without all those I’ve mentioned, along with my amazing team, Valencia Saint-Louis and Abby Bekele.

To wrap up this first season, we are going to revisit our favorite talking points with a mashup of what our guests had to say about each of them in our season 1 episodes. We will do this over the next 6 weeks, and then kick off Season 2 at the beginning of February with a whole new slate of guests that we can’t wait to share with you!

In the meantime though, it’s time to get ready for those gatherings with family and friends that come this time of year. So we thought this would be a perfect time to revisit the talking point “Boundaries”. Our guests had a lot to say on this topic so we will be coming to you this week with not just one, but TWO episodes so you are primed and ready for these gatherings with all the boundaries information you need for yourself, and for others that may be trying to share their boundaries with you.

Our team willl then take a couple of weeks off to enjoy our own family and friends, before being back on January 4th with our second mash up around the talking point “Living out of Your Own Expectations” as we kick off a New Year with our best mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health in mind :).

Feel free to email us at embracinglayers@gmail.com or DM us on @embracinglayers on our Instagram page to share with us what you love, what you don’t love, and what you’d like to see as we get ready to launch Season 2 in February.

Meanwhile, enjoy revisiting our favorite talking points and may you all have a blessed holiday time and New Year with all of those you find rest and joy being with.

The F.E.E.L Podcast 12/7/21 The F.E.E.L Podcast 12/7/21

Episode 20 - Embracing Himself Unapologetically with Caleb Ledford

I have been wanting to have this conversation with my youngest brother Caleb for a while. He and I are 16 years apart in years, but have a lot in common despite that age gap.

For the first 4 years of his life he and I spent a ton of time together, and he with my friends. He thought it was normal for toddlers to hang out with 17 year olds. When I transferred to Washington State University from the local community college at age 20, things changed dramatically for him in his day to day life.

We grew up in a house that had very specific gendered ideas of what was appropriate for girls versus what was appropriate for boys, affected by our parents’ ideas, the Mormon church’s ideas, and the culture on the playground’s ideas in general….to feel, to aspire to, to be involved in, to act out, etc. If we had characteristics in ourselves that were in conflict with that ideal, they were not only met with resistance, but downright disdain in some cases.

Caleb was a great athlete and incredibly intelligent. But he was also very tender hearted, feeling, and empathetic. He learned early on that the second group of characteristics was not going to be embraced or celebrated. That, along with some other very impactful occurrences in his young elementary years, created in him a very angry little boy. We talk in depth about how no one ever asked him why he was angry, just sent him into the consequences that went with displaying that. Until he got to 4th grade, when his teacher that year showed genuine concern and curiosity as to what was behind this and offered him some different tools on how he could process and handle it. That had a huge effect on Caleb, and may have saved him in many ways. How many young children never find anyone who’s willing to ask those questions, and end up in tragedies like we saw once again play out in the hallways of a Michigan high school last week? We have to in our homes, in our classrooms, on the playground, in our churches, after school youth programs, all the places, start asking why young children are acting out and help them process that, rather than just handing them a consequence for acting out.

Once Caleb became a Father, and had a son of his own, he was pretty terrified. He saw in this little boy many of these same kind hearted, empathetic characteristics he himself had, and how would he guide and embrace those in a world that is still not always ready to see that in a little boy? That “fear” he felt has driven him to have intentional conversations that encourage his son to feel safe living out and feeling all parts of himself, that they are all important and worth celebration, and that there’s nothing more important than being a kind empathetic human. This has led him on a journey of fathering both his children, son and daughter, in embracing all the parts of themselves that make them who they are, feeling and processing through all of their feelings and emotions; all while he learns to celebrate and embrace his layers, rather than feeling disdain or dislike towards any parts of himself. We talk about the importance his partner Kendra has played in his life, understanding and loving all the parts of him, and knowing him and how to communicate with him, as he’s learning to love and communicate with himself. We talk about the difficulties we both had with our Dad growing up, but how as adults we understand better how his background and upbringing contributed to that.

We see his willingness to learn, and grow, and change, and are encouraged by his journey in facing the things in himself that need healing. We talk about expectations, and how learning to live by his own rather than others’ is showing signs of him being able to live in a space where he feels content and the most true to himself. This was a very moving conversation for me to have with my “baby brother” as we address so many of the challenges family dynamics and patterns can present, and how we can navigate those to become the best versions of ourselves in that process. It was also a very timely conversation of the discussions we need to be having with our children if we’re ever to move into spaces where all children feel safe, heard, and known. I hope you’ll join us in the finale of our relationship series and season 1 of The F.E.E.L Podcast.

The F.E.E.L Podcast 11/30/21 The F.E.E.L Podcast 11/30/21

Episode 19 - Embracing Yourself & Your Expectations with Kayli Blankenship Scott

We are continuing the relationship series this week with Kayli Blankenship Scott. I first met Kayli in the Spring of 2019 when she and my middle daughter Kylee met through their Campus Faith Fellowship and also both being student athletes at Guilford College. They became roommates the next Fall, and that’s when Kayli really became a regular part of our lives. The fun part about meeting someone at that point in their life is that you get to watch them grow and learn more about themselves and how to navigate the world in a way that’s truest to them. That journey usually has some twists and turns in it along the way, and that has certainly proven to be true for Kayli. You see, besides the normal walk life takes us on in our early twenties, Kayli got to have the added experience of the COVID pandemic, which ended up affecting nearly every area of her life. She was a senior in college in her last Softball season when that abruptly came to an end in mid March 202 due to the pandemic. She was scheduled to graduate in May of 2020, but there would be no in person graduation ceremony for a year due to the Pandemic. She was scheduled to get married a week after graduation, but that had to be altered as well because of, guess what?! The Pandemic. And just to keep life interesting, she was going to be a new Teacher starting her career in the middle of….wait for it! A Pandemic. And because change is a continuing theme, she has started a small side business in the midst of all of this that really brings out her creative side. We talk about all of these situations in this episode, with all the things she’s learned about herself, her partner, her relationships with her family that change once you get married. The difference between boundaries with your partner, and boundaries with your family and friends; how being an Enneagram 3 has informed her in how she tends toward people pleasing and creating relationships, sometimes to her detriment, and how she’s learned to not abandon herself for the sake of connecting with people anymore. We talk about the importance of self care, her why, and managing emotional and physical health as she transitioned from student athlete to a career in teaching, and a life without softball in it on a daily basis. . We talk about lessons she learned as a student athlete that helped her when her softball career abruptly came to an end in the Spring of 2020. We talk about how she’s learned to ask questions as to why she’s feeling a certain way rather than just “pulling up her bootstraps” and trudging forward without dealing with those feelings. We talk about embracing all the parts of ourselves, and how learning to love and accept herself has been the greatest gift, and enabled her to love others well. And, we talk about the importance of continuing to evolve and grow, not becoming stagnant, and embracing all that each season brings. It was so fun to have this conversation with Kayli and see firsthand all that she’s learned and grown into over the last 2 years. I can’t wait for you to hear this energized, inspiring conversation with Kayli Blankenship Scott.