Episode 8 - Celebrate Yourself with Valerie from Inner Solace Therapy

By Jessica Garrison 

Our guest this week is a mental health professional and entrepreneur from Inner Solace Therapy named Valerie. She helps her clients deal with a variety of things, such as anxiety, relationships, and trauma. Valerie has so much information to share about herself to help others understand the need for self care, boundaries, and accepting their layers. 

Valerie says she’s trying to normalize the term “selfish,” a way in which so many people describe self care. She says she gets monthly massages or mani/pedis to keep her head on straight and give herself a well deserved treat: “Anything that allows [her] to nurture [herself] through health and wellness” can be considered part of her self care routine. She tries to stay consistent when it comes to taking care of herself, though it’s just human nature to falter from time to time. 

For her boundaries, Valerie says that it shifts based on what is important in her life at the moment. For example, in her 20s, school and work were most important to her, so she based her boundaries around those aspects of her life. However, now that she’s older, these are not the same priorities. She used to have a bigger social circle, but now she has a family, a career, and different goals. Part of her boundaries is being able to say no without an explanation, which I think is a great sentiment. We always feel the need to explain why we say no and try to reschedule, even if it’s something we don’t want to do. As we’ve learned over the past few seasons of the podcast, no is a sentence all on its own. It’s “okay to change [your] mind.”

At Inner Solace Therapy, Valerie puts importance on a person’s mental health being connected to their physical health. She says she has her own therapist to help keep her mental health on the right track, and it’s critical to pay attention to your body’s internal cues. If your body is trying to tell you something, don’t ignore it. Trust your instincts and listen to what you need both mentally and physically. 

Valerie and Melissa had such a great conversation about supporting women, and it all starts with yourself. It’s okay to celebrate yourself and be your own cheerleader; sometimes that’s what you need the most. If you show up for yourself, then others will show up for you, too. And sometimes other people will need support as well, and if you’re able, be the first person there to support them. Everyone needs support, even if they don’t think they do. Melissa also says, “Nothing is wrong with celebrating your victories.” Even if someone else is celebrating, “there is space for everyone.” 

Just as boundaries have changed for Valerie, her values have changed throughout her life as well. I think this is completely normal and healthy. She describes the why as a “guiding point in order to recognize where you’re going.” For her, it’s rooted in safety and security because that’s what she wants for her family. She describes it as an ongoing process, and it probably won’t stay the exact same for anyone throughout their life. Change is okay and can be a great thing.  

There’s a duality when it comes to expectations you set for yourself; it can be a good thing, but it can also be harmful if you’re not careful. Just like other aspects of your life, it’s important to reassess your expectations for yourself to make sure you’re pushing yourself towards your goals,  but not too hard. If you have unrealistic expectations for yourself, you’ll never get to where you want to go and it’ll negatively impact your mental health. However, it’s important to still push yourself and make sure you’re achieving the things you set out to do. Valerie is so smart in the way she describes living out of her own expectations vs. others, and she’s inspired me to reevaluate my goals to make sure I’m not setting impossible expectations for myself. 

Living out F.E.E.L and accepting her layers has been quite the journey for Valerie, one that she continues to work towards. When Valerie was younger, she describes how she was disconnected from reality because she was in survival mode. Since then, she’s continued to work towards peeling back her layers and accepting who she is, whether it be past, present, or future. She has so much knowledge and kindness, and I’m so glad she was able to be part of our podcast and share that with everyone. It’s important to remember not to be discouraged because no matter how you see your progress, you’re continuing to move forward.

Episode 7 - Emotional Health & Physical Health Healing with Teresa Vesneske

By Jessica Garrison 

We have such an enjoyable episode this week with guest Teresa Vesneske, a former paraeducator, now educator, who brings incredible energy to every conversation she has. She has 3 daughters and her life was dedicated to making sure they had everything they needed growing up. Once they were all on their own and Teresa had an empty nest, she had to figure out the next steps of her life. She decided to pursue her dream of becoming an educator by going back to school and finishing her degree. With her determined attitude and supportive family, she was able to work towards her goal and is now making a difference in the lives of so many children. 

To be able to succeed at what she wanted to do, she had to establish some boundaries: “You can only give so much.” She understood what changes needed to be made, such as getting the negativity out of her life and realizing not everything can be perfect. If someone was making her feel bad about herself, she unfriended them, at least for the time being. Teresa keeps the possibility open that they may realign at different points of their lives, but as it stands, she needs people who are there to support her rather than tear her down. 

Teresa has had an incredible journey through her physical health connecting with her mental health. Her physical health was a priority because she was resting at a weight of 374 pounds. She had so much social anxiety; even the thought of getting on an airplane was nerve wracking to her, and I don’t blame her. Like Teresa says, “the world is not kind.” If you scroll on your phone for just ten minutes, you’re bound to see at least one thing that negatively depicts people who are obese, particularly women. Teresa sought out weight loss surgery to help her change her life and, thankfully, it did: “I’m down 215 pounds and living my best life!” The most important thing she did was ask for help, even after she had her surgery. She rediscovered her love for swimming after losing weight and works with a counselor to help work through an eating disorder she didn’t even realize she had until after the surgery. 

Being everyone else’s support system weighed on her, so she had to get in the “selfish” mindset of taking care of herself first. We know that it isn’t actually selfish to take care of yourself, but it’s difficult in the beginning when you’re trying to change an idea you’ve lived with your entire life. Teresa realized that “being good to myself trickles over to them.” She’s become a cheerleader for others but also for herself, and the community around her is beginning to follow her mindset. In supporting others and other women, she says that sharing the story is important because it shows others that it’s okay to ask for help. Those who love Teresa are there to support her, and she saw it was okay to lean into that support. Once she realized this, her life began to move forward in a positive way, and she wants other people to learn from this. 

Teresa was a young mother, and her whole focus was on raising her children. She began to neglect other parts of her life for her girls, primarily her own self care. She was a mother figure to a lot of people, including children that her children were friends with. This kind of attitude further signifies that she was meant to be an educator, and her kindness is incomparable. We can all remember that friend whose mom was “Everyone’s Mom” and the impact they made on our lives.  

By living out of her own expectations rather than others, Teresa realized how much better life could be. There were people who said she’d never get her degree or a teaching job, never lose weight, and basically never accomplish her goals. She also has siblings who are a lot older than her, and she had to stop comparing where they were in their lives to where she was; they were on a separate journey and not in the same area of life as her. You can never really compare yourself to anyone because what they’ve been through and what you’ve been through are completely different. You are on your own journey and how you get to your destination is up to you.   

This past November Teresa completed her 11th 5k run and hopes to accomplish more in the future. She shared that she always wanted to be a runner but couldn’t really do so until she lost weight. Just as Teresa has shown us, with a positive mindset and attitude to match, anything is possible. I can’t wait to see what she accomplishes next. 

Episode 6 - Period Empowerment - How SAALT Makes This Possible with Taylor Christenson

By Jessica Garrison

Taylor Christenson has been a guest on the podcast previously, but she’s back in season 4 to share exciting information for listeners to learn more about period health and how you could possibly save some money on period hygiene products. I want to be clear that even though period products are well known as feminine hygiene products, we recognize that not everyone who has their period identifies as a woman or as feminine. The F.E.E.L Podcast is a safe space for everyone to share their thoughts, feelings, struggles, and victories.

SAALT creates “clean, high-performance products that are healthy for you and the planet.” The CEO and cofounder featured on their website is Cherie, whose Venezuelan aunt told her that period products haven’t been available in stores for years; Cherie couldn’t imagine what she would do if she had to live her life without access to period products or if one of her five daughters had to live that way. She worked up a way to be able to create and send sustainable period products overseas for those who aren’t as privileged as we are to have period products available in stores. Period products are still pretty expensive in the United States, but it’s a step above some other countries that don’t have the same access.

While Taylor was a guest during this episode, she spoke about SAALT during the talking points and how her work mirrors the ideals of the F.E.E.L Podcast. When speaking about self care and taking care of yourself while on your period, Taylor shares the statistic that 1 in 5 people with a period in the U.S. are unable to afford period care products every month. One of SAALT’s biggest products is the menstrual cup. You don’t have to buy one every month like a box of tampons or pads; it’s reusable since all you have to do is clean it out when it gets full, rather than throwing it away every time. There’s so much that goes into the process of getting the products to where they need to be, making sure that the company distributing them is reputable and is working towards the same goals as them. Taylor shares that SAALT partners with HER International because they understood “it’s more than just donating products.” A lot more work goes into it; these are people’s lives that are affected by the work they do. This affects people’s mental health, their ability to get an education, and their physical health/hygiene.

Taylor says that “periods are really layered” and that’s why it’s such a good fit to be able to feature her work this week. Periods are fluid and can change—they can change your hormones, how your body feels, how you feel mentally, and it’s not always the same reactions every month. Factoring in people who have children or are going through serious changes in life, the way you deal with your period can affect every other aspect of your life, which is difficult for people who don’t have periods to understand. It’s hard enough dealing with all of this, let alone if you don’t have a way to properly deal with it, such as medication if necessary or the proper hygienic products to help you take care of yourself.

Taylor says, “I associate my period with empowerment,” which I absolutely love. I realize as I get older, I can relate to her sentiment. Growing up (and I know it wasn’t just me), it was so embarrassing to have your period. I’d try to be secretive, taking my pad or tampon out of my bag and hurrying to the bathroom praying that no one else would be in there to hear the crinkle of the wrapper. I don’t know why I cared so much considering it’s normal and healthy to have a regular period. I want us to get rid of the stigma that having your period makes you gross or dirty because it’s one of the most natural things that we go through in life. The work that Taylor and SAALT do is helping to erase those negative connotations that people have when it comes to periods and the more work we can do, the better off the world will be.

Honestly, I have not even scratched the surface on this episode. I have two pages of notes and I think I only covered about half of them, so I highly recommend listening to the full episode to hear Taylor speak about this herself and sharing all of the knowledge she has. Please feel free to explore the resources page for this episode to find out more information about Taylor, SAALT, and where you can learn more and even get a discount code for the SAALT website!

Disclaimer: This episode is for educational purposes only, and we know and respect that each woman needs to handle their period care in a way that feels most healthy for them.

Episode 5 - Embracing Discomfort As a Path to Peace with Meghan Locklair

By Jessica Garrison

The talking points used in the podcast are a staple to what it means to F.E.E.L, and our guest this week has been an inspiration to the talking points we feature here, particularly “coming back to your ‘why.’” Meghan Locklair is very intentional with what she does, living her life as a learner who is always open to new ideas. 

Her technique to handle self care is very different from others that we’ve heard from in the past: by embracing discomfort. Meghan understands the world is not always kind, and she wants to pursue ways to cope with the hardships that life may bring. She recognizes that confronting discomfort isn’t for everyone, but for her, it helps to put things into perspective and take care of herself better. 

Boundaries are something that evolve with time, and Meghan understands how they have to shift with your needs as you evolve over the years. She said she had to figure herself out, what God thinks of the boundaries she’s setting, and how they can affect what she values the most. Her boundaries are “not the same as ten years ago” because they’ve actually increased with her age, but she’s also gotten better at setting them as guardrails rather than setting them up as brick walls. It’s nice to see the contrast between Meghan’s boundaries when she was younger versus how she sets them now, especially since she is such a well rounded individual.  

Meghan has two main goals personally, and they are her keeping her mind and body healthy. She knows there’s a deep connection between the two and tries to be conscious of truly feeling her emotions. If she’s angry, she wants to be able to express that just as she wants to for a happy emotion. Hormones are a difficult thing to navigate for women, and we see this become more difficult in a world of misogyny that is never pleased with how women react to any given situation. Meghan says, “you’re not more emotional, you’re more intuitive.” I wish someone had said this to me when I was younger because I always got told I was “too emotional,” but that shouldn’t be referred to as something negative. Meghan and everyone at F.E.E.L are here to tell you your emotions are valid and you shouldn’t feel ashamed to have them. 

Her advice for supporting women is to own your life and own your values; if something is important to you, then don’t be afraid of it. Life can present peer pressure to you, but there’s always more than one option, and you should be pursuing whatever means the most to you despite what others may say about it. Meghan says we all need each other, so we should be respecting one another, helping one another, and inviting others to join the journey. Melissa also gives notable advice that it’s great for women to be independent, but that doesn’t mean you need to take everything on yourself, so don’t be afraid to allow help from others. Accepting help from others when you need it is a strength, not a weakness. 

Sometimes it’s difficult for Meghan to put into actual words what her values are, but she knows what they are in her core, and that’s the most important thing. When it comes to making decisions, the “why” has to be involved and it should be clear if it’s part of your master plan. Otherwise, you should reevaluate either your “why” or your master plan. It’s evident that Meghan knows what she wants out of life and goes after it, but she does so in a way that she doesn’t lose who she truly is on the inside. 

Melissa shares with us that Meghan is a twin, so she’s had to work to find her own identity and sense of self. Meghan says that people have more ownership over their life than they like to think; she wants to change the idea of “why is this happening to me” and turn it into a positive. She feels that “God brings us into different seasons,” but she doesn’t want to have a victim mindset that decisions are being made for people and there’s nothing they can do about it. Learn to recognize different seasons, learn from them, and become the person you want to be, even if circumstances are not ideal. 

Hearing from Meghan has been so wonderful, especially after learning that she inadvertently inspired so much for this podcast. I think we can all agree with Melissa that Meghan has a glow about her, and it shines through every time she speaks about her family, her life, and her values. 

Episode 4 - Becoming My Own Soulmate with Danielle Parks

By Jessica Garrison 

Our guest this week shares an incredible story of heartbreak and betrayal but comes out the other side with a new sense of self that is guaranteed to inspire those who listen. Danielle Parks gives a new perspective to what it means to be a wife, a woman, and a human being. She speaks candidly about her journey through self care, setting boundaries, and what it means to find comfort in yourself.  

In her self care process, running was a major outlet for Danielle. After realizing this wasn’t the best way to express herself, she went to the other end of the spectrum and rested her body, which caused a domino effect in her life. Instead of running and taking her mind off of things, rest caused her to sit with her feelings, even the ones that are uncomfortable. Instead of constantly keeping her mind off things, this became a time for growth, evolving, and acceptance, which is arguably the first step in learning to love your authentic self. Our feelings and emotions are there for a reason, so it’s important to listen to them and what they’re telling us. Danielle says to “give yourself permission to not know where you’re going on the journey.” 

Danielle practices setting her intentions for the day and gives herself time to align that so she can relish in the feeling of it all. She also journals so she has a safe place to create and thinks everyone should have a place like this, which I completely agree with. Even if you don’t think you have a creative personality, it’s important to express yourself on some type of level rather than bottling it up. It might take a while to find the right medium, but once you do, it’ll be all worth it in the end. 

When it comes to supporting other women in living unapologetically, Danielle allows the space to be there for herself and for other women; you do not need to take care of everyone and everything. This is a lesson that she had to learn the hard way. She shares a time when she didn’t listen to her body, despite it screaming at her that something was wrong: she doubted the trust she had in her husband. When she questioned him about her feelings, she still wasn’t sure if she could trust his answer. She shared a Bible verse with him that says, “Whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed from the housetops.” Unfortunately, she was correct in her doubts. Her husband was eventually sentenced for embezzlement, but Danielle was determined to make the relationship work. She would wake up at 5am just to visit him hours away, describing her experience as being in “survival mode,” feeling the need to be a certain person for this man. 

It’s only just recently that she has begun to feel free from the situation. She realized she had to let her husband go and the old Danielle die for a newer and happier one to be born. Her advice is to take a moment to feel all of the emotions: the guilt, the sorrow, the pain. Accept love and support from others, too. She used to be a shell of herself, but now she is grateful for everything she’s been through because it got her to the place where she is today. Melissa shares an interesting insight that we are okay with disappointing ourselves before disappointing others, and that mindset needs to change. The journey is rooted in forgiveness. Forgiveness for others and also for yourself. 

Living out of your own expectations instead of others can be a difficult boundary to set as well, but life shows up as it wants. Danielle says she had to grieve the life she once had and accept the truth of her new reality in order to move on. The truth is her North Star, which is a term she uses to express guidance. She asks, “what do you want to feel like? What do you want to experience, not just in the day, but in life?” Those are some important questions to ask yourself so you can keep reaching your goals. 

The more layers we peel off, the more beauty we find underneath. Danielle says to find the resources within yourself and know your own worth. She lives more in the present now, and she can be who she truly wants to be. Danielle shows up truthfully for others and allows them to do the same, which is a priority for her right now. I admire her vulnerability with us and how she shared her story so others could learn. There’s no judgment in her voice, no apologies, and no more regrets. We should all strive to live a life like Danielle with her motivation and power. 

Episode 3 - Living Her Authentic Truth with Lindsay Kerr

By Jessica Garrison

Our guest this week is so unique in that she offers fascinating insight on an uncommon topic that puts you on the edge of your seat as you’re listening. Lindsay Kerr is a mental health therapist whose work involves ketamine psychotherapy. She helps her clients enter an unordinary state of consciousness to help them with issues such as PTSD, depression, and anxiety. They use it in low doses so as to not depress the respiratory system, and it elicits a psychedelic experience that houses a mindset for healing. It’s obvious that Lindsay is a well educated young woman who believes strongly in helping others. In the episode, she delves further into her work, how the opportunity found her, and how impactful her responsibilities are. 

Since Lindsay is a single mother, she has to think about how prioritizing self care impacts her daughter. Her schedule has to coincide with her daughter’s, but she’s learned along the way that not every hole in the schedule needs to be filled. If there’s an hour or two in a day where she doesn’t have anything planned, she doesn’t feel the need to pencil something in. Lindsay has worked as a therapist, a yoga instructor, and a barista, so she has experience working with people. However, no matter how much experience you may have, working with the public can be a trial all on its own. With that kind of stressful environment, it’s easy to become overwhelmed and forget to take moments for yourself. But rather than trying to keep her schedule loaded with work, Lindsay prioritizes what’s important for herself, her daughter, and the clients who trust her with their mental health. Taking a step back from the chaos helps keep her head on straight and keep her mental health from declining. 

When describing boundaries, Lindsay says that they change from time to time. In some instances she has the energy and capacity and in some instances she doesn’t. The time she has with her daughter is set and she has nonnegotiables that people have to respect if they want to continue being in her life. She’s learned not to compare herself to others, nor her schedule or boundaries. Everyone has their own ways for dealing with the varying seasons—there’s no right or wrong, just what is. 

In this episode, Lindsay says one of my absolute favorite quotes from the entire podcast: “We offer women the opportunity to live unapologetically when we do it ourselves.” She understands the importance of role models and how the ability of being yourself can change people’s lives. Her advice is to model your authentic truth, encourage others to live their truth, unpack old narratives and creativity, overcome the obstacles you face, and continue to be curious. I really couldn’t have said it better myself. 

Living out of your own expectations instead of others, to me, is one of the most difficult acts to accomplish. This was particularly difficult for Linsday because of her professional work. Not everyone understands what she does or why she does it, but she knows. What matters most is that Lindsay loves her work and is helping others on a daily basis. She’s stopped asking permission to live her best life and continues to strive for greatness. 

Lindsay is currently in a PhD program and by living out F.E.E.L, she feels empowered and confident enough to make choices to get through her experiences. She doesn’t second guess herself as much; she knows that she is an intelligent woman who knows what she needs and has. She uses her voice now to not only fight for herself, but to also fight for her clients who are seeking a better life, just as any of us would. She says she “treats the whole person instead of just one symptom.” This brings a whole new meaning to embracing your layers and understanding each one of them.  

I thank Lindsay for being so authentic with us and being brave enough to share her passions and truth. I loved hearing about the work she does, how much effort she puts forth towards what she cares about, and hearing how she takes on the world. Seeing Lindsay live out her life unapologetically certainly inspires me to do the same. 

Episode 2 - Happiness Over Perfection with Stef Tousignant

By Jessica Garrison

Our guest this week is the creator and host of the Parent Differently podcast, Stef Tousignant. Stef’s podcast aims to help parents grow, reflect, and understand that being perfect is impossible. However, just because you aren’t a perfect parent doesn’t mean you aren’t a good one. Everyone is just trying to do their best in a world that isn’t always working in their favor, and Stef really puts things into perspective with her podcast on how we can continue to better ourselves and be happy, rather than getting bogged down on things that we cannot change.

For Stef, the journey to self care has been a bumpy road with a lot of “enough is enough” moments. She describes how she found it difficult in her busy schedule to find time for herself, but she realized that, for her, it has little to do with the acts of self care and more to do with her mindset. Her goal is to be intentional and purposeful in her thoughts, which helps her prioritize what is most important. Her journey in self care may not necessarily apply to anyone else, but that doesn’t make it wrong either. We’re all on our own journey that we must discover for ourselves what works and what doesn’t.

The conversation that sticks in my mind the most from this episode comes from the topic of boundaries. Stef says how she always created unachievable goals for herself and lacked the boundaries to keep herself on track. However, she shifted her perspective so the word boundary has a new meaning: “happiness over perfection.” Stef uses the example of decorating for the holidays—she hated it! She always felt the need to do it because that’s what everyone else would do, but it didn’t make her happy. She realized she had the choice to just not do it. Instead, she lets her children choose their favorite holidays and they can decorate however they please for it. She’ll help them, of course, but the pressure is off of her and the freedom is instead given to someone who actually wants it. There’s no need to put useless amounts of pressure on yourself, especially if it isn’t making you happy. Sometimes, there is the secret option to just let things go.

When it comes to taking care of her emotional health as much as her physical health, Stef says something very important that I think we can all take away from this episode: “All emotions are welcome.” As Melissa has said before, there is no such thing as a bad emotion. Feelings may make us uncomfortable or they may be unpleasant to experience, but they are all there to serve a purpose. They help us understand why we’re feeling that way, whether it be a stressor we need to take care of or a negative presence in our lives. Sometimes this is a difficult concept to understand, but these two women put it into words perfectly.

A quote I love from this episode comes from Stef, who says to “ground your expectations in your intention.” You can make yourself feel like a failure, especially if your expectations are rooted in cultural norms. No one is perfect, though sometimes they may seem like they are on the outside. Expectations to be perfect are never going to be met, so you’ll just make yourself miserable by trying to reach something completely unreachable, like how her goals used to be. She says to take the shame out of this by being intentional with your purpose and actions, and by just being the best you can be without constant comparisons.

The F.E.E.L podcast did an episode in season 2 called “Weaponized Gratitude,” where we discussed how gratitude can be used against people to make them feel guilty or to manipulate them. We weren’t sure how this would contrast with Stef’s podcast, since hers puts an emphasis on the word and encourages others to feel gratitude. However, Stef speaks about gratitude in such a healthy way on her podcast, and she shows a whole new perspective to the word, so we were happy to welcome her as a guest this season. We’re grateful (no pun intended) that Stef was able to be part of our podcast and share with us how she gets through the world as a woman, a mother, and a professional. Be sure to check out her podcast Parent Differently and continue to share the positivity that Stef has shared with us!

Episode 1 - Learning to Live Unapologetically with Paula Chirinos

By Jessica Garrison

Welcome back to another season of the F.E.E.L Podcast! We are officially kicking off the fourth season, and there is so much exciting content coming your way. Our first episode features Paula Chirinos, a young, intelligent, queer, Latina woman. She describes her journey in such a fierce and lively way; she is the perfect guest for our first episode this season. 

Like most guests we see on the podcast, Paula says she was not the best at self care for a while. Being a first generation immigrant, she kept herself busy trying to make her parents proud. She wanted them to know all of the sacrifices they made for her to have a better life were not in vain, but by never giving herself a break, she quickly burned herself out and had a physical breakdown. Recently, she’s learned to express herself through her body and goes to the gym after work to blow off steam and realized “it’s the little things” that keep her going. She also looks to her plushies for comfort, which I resonate with deeply on a spiritual level. No, they are not just for children! 

Paula expressed the connection she sees between self care and establishing healthy boundaries. She puts it into a great perspective by comparing professional and personal relationships with an “unofficial contract.” There are expectations set for one another to meet that are previously agreed upon, and they will be able to fit both parties’ needs. There’s a support system there, and the expectations are communicated not only beforehand, but also when needed. This is a great new way to look at boundaries and see that they’re not a negative trait to have in relationships, just like how a contract isn’t necessarily a negative thing to have in a professional environment. 

Paula graduated from college in the Spring of 2020, which was arguably the worst possible time to graduate and try to make your way into the world. Towards the end of 2021, she began seeking therapeutic help and discovered she had ADHD. Once she was diagnosed, she was able to learn her triggers and develop coping mechanisms. A big one was not giving other people so much power when it came to negative feedback. Paula had to deal with oppression from all angles before: being a woman, being queer, being part of an immigrant family, and being a Latina. She’s developed this coping mechanism into a tool for everyday life, which has helped her pursue a healthier balance.  

When discussing how she looks to support other women in living unapologetically, Paula shared a TikTok trend that has been going around recently that involves being kinder to your younger self. She speaks so vulnerably about this, which I just love; it might be my favorite part of the episode. We all need to allow our inner child to heal by showing them the kindness they should’ve been shown all along. By healing ourselves, we can show others what possibilities lie in the nearby future. Paula says that age doesn’t matter when it comes to mentoring. Like we say on the podcast, you can learn something new from anyone, no matter how different they may seem (and this includes age as well).  

Living out of your own expectations instead of others’ is a big topic for Paula, especially because of the sacrifices her parents made to give her the best possible life. I mentioned earlier that she felt like couldn’t disappoint them, and this made her into a very competitive person. It was all about showing them how amazing she could be in what they wanted, rather than what she wanted. When she was just 11 years old, she was diagnosed with depression. Combined with discovering she’s queer, it was a huge release for Paula to be able to live her truth. Now that she has all the pieces, Paula continues to work towards putting them together to create a life of her own expectations.  

Paula has quite the beautiful complex identity—she’s had no choice but to embrace her layers to live a life to the fullest of happiness. By accepting all aspects of herself, she’s been able to put words to her feelings and express herself the way she most desires. She has put in so much work over the years to be comfortable in her own skin, and she stands by the statement that self love is a journey: “There are days where you will have setbacks.” However, you have to accept the good and the bad to truly find peace. She finds that her life has improved by cutting off people who were holding her back and surrounding herself with those who uplift her. 

Paula has such an inspiring story to tell, and we’re so thankful she opened up during this episode. She made a statement pretty early on in the episode that everyone will, or at least should, agree with by the end: Paula Chirinos is one bad bitch.     

Episode 7 - Loving Our Complex Layers with Dr. Bernadine Waller

By Jessica Garrison

Our guest for this week’s episode is a very accomplished scholar, working at Adelphi University for 14 years and currently working as a research fellow at Columbia University in New York City. Dr. Bernadine Waller (or Dr. Bern, as she is often called) offers so much great advice and intelligence as she goes through the F.E.E.L podcast talking points with Melissa.

Her self care goal is to keep herself whole and healthy enough to help others, describing herself as a natural caregiver. She also says how important it is for her to invite God into her life, being protective of her Sundays and allowing Him to be part of everything she does. Dr. Bern says that “self care is a journey,” which we have covered extensively on the podcast. What nourishes you in one season may not nourish you in another, and it’s okay to evolve with your needs.

I found one of the most interesting parts of the episode to be when Dr. Bern describes her boundaries and how she puts them in place. Her PhD is in social work, which can be a difficult field to be able to set boundaries in. It can wear on your mind and your body quite often, and her biggest wakeup call came when she was diagnosed with a noncancerous tumor, which usually shows up in people twice her age. When it comes to becoming better at setting boundaries, she says, “it should not take a life-altering health challenge for us to do that.” This reminds me of our Clay Health episode with its founder, Sera, who experienced a health crisis that made her chase after what she really wanted from life. It seems to be a pattern that women continue to work themselves so harshly until, like Dr. Bern says, a major medical crisis takes place. She couldn’t be more right; it shouldn’t take something like that to change your perspective, especially because you may not get the chance to change things afterward. It’s scary to think about, but hopefully her stories and advice can help everyone move forward towards their true goals before it’s too late.

The order that Dr. Bern takes care of herself is her spiritual health first, then her mental, then her physical. If she follows this order, then everything else seems to fall into place, though that may not be the same for everyone. She is a big believer in both Jesus and therapy, rather than only relying on her faith to keep her mental health in the right place. It’s okay to ask for help from mental health professionals—that’s what they’re there for, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Another thing she does to take care of her mental health as much as her physical health is to allow herself to enjoy things. Although her work is important and means a lot to her, she doesn’t let it take over her life; she’s allowed to enjoy things in her downtime that don’t relate to work.

There was another part of this episode that I absolutely loved, and it’s when Dr. Bern is talking about her values and how she sees herself. She used to always seek approval from others, especially in high school when the boys didn’t want to go out with her. She thought she wasn’t good enough, and it might be because of her dark skin or impurities that she found in herself. But as she got older, she learned to affirm herself and accept how “perfectly imperfect” she was. All of the things she used to hate when she was younger are the things that make her who she is now, and that’s a really special point of view to have. She compares it by using the example of a wound and a scar. There's a huge difference between them. Wounds take time to heal, but you need to expose them once in a while to be able to allow it to heal properly; the same goes for our hurt on the inside. If you keep it tucked away forever, it will take longer to heal, and it won’t heal the same way if you allowed it to show itself every now and then. At first when she was describing this, I was thinking to myself, where is she going with this? But once she finished, it all made sense. That’s why she is The Dr. Bern—emphasis on everything.

I truly didn’t even scratch the surface with this blog in comparison to the episode. The way Dr. Bern speaks about her life, helping others, and all of her knowledge is one of the most eye opening things ever. Listening to her during this episode was life changing, and I hope we can have her back as a guest someday to share more stories.

Episode 6 - Beauty & Beauty Privilege - What is it, Who defines it, & How do We Find Our Beauty in it?

By Jessica Garrison

In a world consumed by social media, toxic body image, and celebrity worship, the way we perceive ourselves is harsher than ever. This week we discuss pretty privilege and beauty standards that we’re faced with in society, especially being women across a spectrum of backgrounds. From racism to agism, the world of beauty is difficult to navigate, and there’s never a real winner. This conversation is hosted by Melissa Crook with guests Charlotte Feehan, Micaela, and myself, as we share our past experiences with beauty standards and how the media changed our perception growing up.

Micaela brought up how she watched America’s Next Top Model growing up (I was OBSESSED with it), yet there were so many terrible messages sent to young girls through this show. She recalls a specific season where a contestant had a gap in her front teeth and was told she needs to close it to become a model. The model stood up for herself and said she liked the gap between her teeth,, but the insistence to get rid of it really is damaging to those watching who don’t have perfect teeth and might not have the means to accomplish that. But why do we care so much? We can’t help how our teeth grow in; it’s a natural occurrence, and yet we put so much pressure on ourselves to look flawless every second of the day, even when it comes to our teeth and our smiles. This show was on air for 24 seasons and received multiple spin-offs across various countries; imagine how many people were negatively affected by this show and will continue to be affected by it.

In high school, Charlotte never felt desirable because everyone had preconceived notions of who was pretty and who was popular. She was introverted and closed off, but she didn’t mind that. She was comfortable with who she was, but there came a point where she started to change herself for social media. She posted more of what she thought other people would like to see and what would bring her more attention. She describes how those posts did get her more attention from boys, and she experienced a lot of unsolicited comments about her body and the way she looked. Just because someone posts a photo doesn’t mean that they want everyone’s two cents, but, unfortunately, it seems to be a sacrifice you have to make in the world of social media.

Melissa also shares a story that she previously spoke about in another episode, where she experienced a serious foot injury being a track runner. However, the injury didn’t come from actually running on the track. She says that if she didn’t feel skinny enough before bed, she would jog in place in her room until she felt like she was thin enough. It breaks my heart to hear stories like this, but I’ve experienced this mentality as well. It’s even more upsetting to think about how many people agree that they’ve had similar thoughts and experiences when no one should have to go through that. There’s also so much talk about beauty stopping once you reach a certain age, and Melissa has had to deal with this for years. Any person of any age can be beautiful, but according to societal rules, beauty ends at 30 when there’s still so much life left to live.

When it comes to beauty culture, my first thought is it’s about whatever is in style at the time. If big lips are in style, then it seems like everyone is getting lip injections and plumping lip gloss. If skinny butts are in style, everyone’s getting liposuction and going on destructive diets to seem as skinny as possible. Personally, I don’t find anything wrong with people who want to have work done because I believe if it’s your body, then it’s your choice. However, I believe people should do it for the right reasons, rather than just worrying about seeming beautiful to others and worrying about what other people think of you. It truly is a battle that goes back and forth, and like I said before, it’s too contradicting for anyone to actually be victorious in the eyes of society and its standards.

This has been one of the easiest blogs to write and yet one of the most difficult. Just as we said on the podcast, we could talk about this topic all day long. This topic could be its own podcast with how many layers there are to the conversation. Deciding which stories to tell and which could be saved for another day was difficult. But we would love to continue the conversation, hear everyone’s stories, and bring more awareness to issues involving beauty privilege, body image, and everything in between because no one is alone in the struggle.

Episode 5 - Learning & Evolving with Dawn

By Jessica Garrison

This week’s guest on the F.E.E.L podcast, Dawn, is a wonderful reminder that there’s always something to learn by listening to the experience of others, no matter how different they may seem from us. Hearing Dawn speak about what she has learned (and continues to learn) throughout her life really changed my perspective on the way I view certain things. She weaves these lessons into the story she is telling, and it’s like listening to someone you have known for a lifetime.

Dawn approaches each day with positivity as she tries to remain open-minded when it comes to new experiences and ideas. She says she’s still working on taking care of herself, but being a nurse in the NICU, she’s used to putting others above her. The advice she gives to parents is to look after themselves so they can be 1000% for their child, but this isn’t always what she tells herself. After being a caregiver for so long, it can be difficult to get out of that habit of ignoring your own needs, but prioritizing self care is a skill Dawn continues to work on, which isn’t the first (and certainly not the last) time we will hear this on the podcast.

Boundaries are also a work in progress for Dawn. She is a people pleaser through and through. Whenever someone needs help, she’s there to lend a hand without asking for much in return. Her method to bettering her boundaries is “focusing on the moment and making [herself] present in the moment.” Instead of multitasking, she sets time aside for what she needs to focus on and puts her phone on Do Not Disturb when she doesn’t want the distraction. Little things like this have been helping her to establish what is most important and what she needs to feel fulfilled.

Dawn shares the direct correlation she has noticed when it comes to her physical and emotional health. She has a workout routine that involves light exercise and walking, and when she skips her routine, she feels it in her body and her soul. By not keeping her body healthy, it negatively affected her mental state. Everyone has a different routine they follow when it comes to keeping their body active, but the two are definitely tied together stronger than we may think, even when it comes to the smallest details.

Working in an all female NICU, Dawn has noticed the way women have been treating each other, and there’s a lot more work to do. She says we need to focus on “pick[ing] each other up and hav[ing] one another’s backs,” rather than tearing each other down. Dawn says approach is everything, and we need to be approaching one another differently. Rather than being cruel to one another, which she has witnessed greatly in her workplace, she wants to see a change where women support and congratulate one another. Competition can be very positive, but the way that Dawn has seen it recently, it can be an ugly thing to witness.

It was so interesting to hear Dawn talk about being a people pleaser and living out of others’ expectations. However, once she became a mother, she realized that needed to change. She realized that if she cannot advocate for herself, how will she ever be able to advocate for her child? How will she be able to take care of another human being if she isn’t taking care of herself? Of course she is still making progress, but by sharing her fears so candidly, she’s able to continue her journey through this. She refused to let other peoples’ expectations of her control the way she wanted to raise her children, and it’s quite admirable.

Lately, Dawn has been peeling back her layers and is discovering new parts of herself. She is aware that she needs help and needs to continue to discover herself, no matter how difficult it may be. She says it has been a humbling experience and is still figuring things out, but even the smallest ounce of progress is better than not even trying. Her advice, which I will be keeping with me, is to make a hard day a good day; it’s all about the approach. You can’t help if others want to accept what you bring to the table, but no matter what happens, you can always bring kindness.

Episode 4 - Women’s Health Empowerment with Sera from Clay Health

By Jessica Garrison

It’s always reassuring to catch a glimpse of the impact the F.E.E.L podcast makes by sharing the voices of others in a different way. The guest we have for this week’s episode is a great example of that, because she is the first one who our host and creator, Melissa Crook, had not known prior to filming. The two met through social media and share a passion for bringing women’s voices to the forefront of difficult conversations. Our guest, Sera, is the founder of Clay Health, a comprehensive lifestyle health delivery network that aims to “mold the healthcare experience for women.” She shares her story of a health crisis she experienced at a young age and how she’s shifted her life to a healthier form that includes more than just her physical health.

Sera describes prioritizing self care as an “evolution.” It’s very specific to her needs in the moment as well as the needs of those around her, particularly her son. She became a mom right before the pandemic hit and has had to adjust her life to that struggle. Regularly looking at her schedule, Sera sees what time she has available, how much of it she’s putting into her work, and how much of herself she is giving to pursue her dreams. She doesn’t feel guilty about the time she takes for herself anymore because it helps her be more creative, which therefore helps her achieve the goals she sets. Sometimes it takes a while for us to understand this because of society’s pressure to always be on the move, but the sooner we recognize this, the sooner we can become our best selves.

It’s quite emotional to hear Sera share the story of her health crisis, especially at an age where you’re still figuring yourself out. However, it was after her struggle that she decided to leave her job in finance to pursue something she was actually passionate about. She was no longer willing to risk her health, which means all parts of her health: spiritual health, emotional health, physical health, and mental health. Sera is quite a captivating storyteller; it’s refreshing to hear people talk about chasing their dreams despite the obstacles they have to overcome. It’s a nice change of pace from the fantasy we see on television.

Considering her past, Sera deeply cares about her physical and emotional health, as well as taking care of both of them equally. After suffering from her health crisis, she wanted to prove to those around her that she was better, and by doing that involved abusing her body. She would continue to work herself as a runner to prove she was healthy. She also describes her journey with chronic pain. With doctors trying to convince her the pain was in her head, she didn’t know how to handle everything that was going on with her body. Now, she makes it a point to take care of her mental health before her physical health, knowing things will fall into place much more easily for her. I really cannot do Sera’s story justice—listen to her explain and you’ll understand just how powerful her words are. Melissa agrees during the conversation that “your body is for you,” and that is a huge takeaway from this episode.

When it comes to supporting women, Sera describes it as so important and simple, yet difficult. Letting other women share their stories in a safe space is what will help us all with the support we need. She says that women don’t always need to be “fixed,” we just need to be heard and feel heard. Community is one of the most important things when it comes to women feeling supported in their everyday lives. By founding Clay Health, she opened the door to women being able to share their health stories in a world where it is difficult to seek help, feel believed, and be believed.

My favorite part of this episode comes towards the end while listening to Sera describe the unraveling of her layers. It truly never stops. They are complicated and scary and hurtful, yet it’s still beautiful to discover new layers of yourself. Everyone has these layers they have to uncover throughout their lives and learn to accept in order to grow as a person. It can be one of the most difficult things we have to do, but it’s beneficial in the long run.

Sera was always told she was “inspiring” after overcoming her health difficulties, which she says she hated. She says she isn’t brave for dealing with her health crisis and overcoming it—what she finds brave and inspiring is women who are able to share their stories, share their truths, and offer a listening ear to those who need it. I must say, however, that the way she speaks about her journey so candidly and unapologetically is truly inspirational, and I’m glad we are able to share her truth through this episode.

Episode 3 - Hitting “Reset” with Amaris Garcia

By Jessica Garrison 

Over the past three seasons, the F.E.E.L podcast has highlighted many ideals, and one of them is that you can always learn from hearing someone else’s journey, no matter how different they may seem from you. The guest featured on this week’s episode, Amaris Garcia, shares plenty of stories to help all of us grow as people. She speaks in depth about her experience with the COVID-19 pandemic and how she was able to take something positive from the experience. Her outlook on self care was transformed, which in turn, positively affected her life. It took a complete shift in the world for her to realize that if she didn’t slow down, she was going to completely burn herself out, and this realization helped to shape her into the person she is today. 

The way she did this involved making subtle changes in her day to day life, rather than everything all at once. She also says that setting strong work boundaries changed her for the better. Amaris leaves her work at work instead of bringing it home with her, and it’s important to make up for the nights you do have to stay and work late. Amaris suggests the app Habit to others who may be struggling to keep an eye on their goals. I had never heard of this app before, but it definitely looks enticing: it’s free on the app store and offers a way for its users to focus on completing their goals throughout the day. I’m sure it doesn’t work for everyone, but if it’s free, I’d say it’s worth a shot.

When it comes to taking care of her emotional health just as much as her physical health, Amaris realized how much she admired the people who were taking the time to invest in themselves, and she wanted to achieve this as well. She says that she takes more time to pause and reflect during the day and acknowledges what her body needs rather than keeping the “go, go, go” mentality. 

On the podcast, we believe in supporting others through their journeys to self discovery and self care. Amaris gives a warm response to the question of how she supports other women in taking care of themselves. It’s important for her to share the message to others, especially women who have been told how they need to act in order to be happy in life. As women, we’ve been taught to tear each other down, when we should be working together to achieve our goals. I agree with Amaris that we need to stop judging one another and take care of each other, reminding those around us when they need to take a rest. 

Another thing that Amaris spoke about that I enjoyed was traveling. She’s been to over a dozen countries, and she encourages others to explore the world as well, but it doesn’t have to be to the same extent as her. She acknowledges that not everyone may have the opportunity to branch out incredibly far, but even going someplace you’ve never been before can help open your mind.. She also says that getting out of her hometown helped her find herself as a person; it was a way for her to be able to do what she wanted to do, rather than what was expected of her. Everyone deserves the opportunity to be able to live the life they want, instead of continuing to do what others’ want. 

One last story that I loved from this episode was when Amaris and Melissa talk about relationships and how some of them need to end for the better of both parties. Not every relationship is meant to last forever, which is an idea that I continue to struggle with. When I lose someone in my life, I look at it as a sad thing because something must’ve gone wrong for this to happen. But in reality, some relationships are meant to be short, and that’s okay, too. 

Amaris gives a lot of credit to her parents for becoming the incredible woman she is today. She describes them as amazing leaders throughout her life who continue to bring her back to her values and make sure the decisions she makes align with who she wants to be. Fun fact: one of my favorite episodes from the podcast actually comes from Amaris’s mother, Christy Martinez Garcia, who was the featured guest for the 14th episode of F.E.E.L. These women are a powerful reminder of the quote: “Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.” 

Episode 2 - Getting to Know Yourself with OUR OWN Micaela

By Jessica Garrison

Getting to know yourself after spending most of your life just trying to please other people is a long and difficult journey that we’ve discussed often on the podcast. No one is on the same path to self discovery, so it’s always interesting to hear others speak on what they’ve experienced along the way to finding themselves. Micaela, the F.E.E.L podcast’s social media assistant and research coordinator, shares how she’s grown through the years and how she continues to work towards becoming a healthier person. 

Micaela speaks often during this episode about her relationship with God, and how that has helped her become the person who she is today. She describes how she didn’t have her own sense of self before devoting her life to Christ, but now that she has, she feels much more secure in everything she does. It gives her confidence to know that a higher power is looking out for her and guiding her; Micaela knows she’s never alone when things become difficult. 

When addressing how she handles boundaries, I thought Micaela gave a very unique answer, which was that “boundaries apply to everything, not just relationships.” She finds that her boundaries show up more in the world of social media. Since she is the social media assistant for the podcast, she has to balance the time she spends online, especially when it’s so easily accessible and necessary to exist. Whether it be for work or for personal use, it’s empowering to hear Micaela talk about the control of what she sees, how much of it she’s viewing, and how it affects her.

Another part of this episode that really resonated with me was when Micaela recalls being told she was a “sensitive” child. For some reason, this word is typically used negatively when referring to people, though the world could use a lot more sensitivity in my opinion. People mistook Micaela’s empathetic nature as a weakness, which she has since relearned as a positive trait. She enjoys sharing these stories as a way to help others who may have been through something similar to her; she wants everyone to know that it’s okay to be who you are, and you shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of that. 

Micaela says that her way of supporting herself, as well as other women, includes being a listener: “You can always learn something from another person, especially if you haven’t walked in their shoes.” She always wants to offer an open ear to those around her, which serves as further proof that empathy is an admirable attribute, rather than something that is a hindrance. 

Identifying as a Christian is the biggest reason Micaela is the person she is today. Everything she does and believes stems from her faith, but she shares that despite how strongly she feels about this, it isn’t an easy path to be on. She used to be lost with how much judgment there is in the world and wasn’t sure what her true character was. As a result of this, she is exceptionally proud of her growth while still understanding there’s room for improvement. She has also described herself as a huge people pleaser, but she continues to make decisions that make her feel fulfilled, rather than others. By opening up her mind and allowing God in her life, she can confidently act as her own person. 

Micaela is still working on accepting all aspects of herself; she says that introversion will always be part of her, but she wants to come out of her shell more. I’ve learned from her that you can still love yourself while wanting to improve. The world doesn’t have to be black and white—we just have to be willing to understand that not everyone is on the same path as us. The best thing we can do is be sensitive and understanding, like Micaela.  

Episode 1 - WE’RE BAAACK - Welcome to Season Three of the F.E.E.L Podcast

By Jessica Garrison

Welcome back everyone to the third season of the F.E.E.L podcast! We are all so excited to return and continue sharing the stories of the incredible figures that surround us. We have so many new features coming your way, including an expansion of social media platforms and a newsletter that will give a sneak peek to upcoming guests and topics.

To kick-off the first episode of the new season, Melissa sat down with her staff—Germaine Jeanty, Charlotte Feehan, Micaela, and myself—to discuss our time off in August. It was nice for everyone to take a break and make time for things that they may not always be able to do. And it’s even better to come together and get to share and listen to those stories. We shared something we loved over the break, something we’ve learned, and something we look forward to in our lives.

We’ve seen Germaine on her journey of moving into a new apartment, and she’s finally all settled in. Now that her new place is more organized and is starting to come together, she is loving the space that she’s worked hard to develop. However, she shares that it comes with patience and compromise, especially when living with another person who has their own habits and ideals. But even through her journey, it’s nice to hear her say, “I feel good, I feel healthy, I feel comfortable.”

Meanwhile, Charlotte has been loving her travels over the course of the summer and experiencing what the world has to offer. It was also interesting to hear her discuss her other work endeavors, and what she’s learning in her new environment. I think Charlotte relates to a lot of people when she says what she’s learned is to be more comfortable with reaching out and asking questions—I know she at least relates to me when it comes to that.

For me, I spoke about the upcoming Autumn season (my favorite) and how everything from the weather to the fall scents to Halloween nourishes my soul. I always look forward to the festivities every single year. In addition to this, my first “grownup” wedding is happening soon, and I’m so thankful to be able to share in the celebration with my friends. It just reminds me of the wonderful memories I’ll be making in the coming months.

Micaela shares the knowledge that she’s learned over the past month, specifically about social media and living her life as she wants it. She discusses the “glamorous” side of social media that may not be as truthful as one would like to think. Rather, she’s choosing to believe that she’s where she’s meant to be, and letting herself live freely in the present of the moment, which is a sentiment we can all learn from.

Our host and Embracing Layers creator, Melissa, has had an eventful August to say the least. She opens up about coming back from her time off to discover, without rhyme or reason, she didn’t have a job anymore. It’s been an emotional and frightening time for her, figuring out how to move forward in an unforgiving world. But her positive outlook on life allows her to continue to thrive in any situation she’s in. Melissa, along with the rest of the staff, excitedly looks forward to moving the podcast forward and seeing what other opportunities lie ahead.

We want our listeners to know that the F.E.E.L podcast has also decided to add a “donate” option to help continue our journey. If you can’t donate, that’s okay! Feel free to share our podcast to ensure the growth of the Embracing Layers community; we’ve been working hard on expanding across various social media platforms, such as Instagram, Twitter, YouTube, TikTok, LinkedIn, and Facebook. It is not expected but is very much appreciated. Thank you for coming on this journey with us, and here’s to another amazing season!

Episode 13 - Celebrating 1 Year Anniversary Of Being A Podcast!

Happy 1 Year Anniversary to us!! 

As I mention as we kick off this episode, this podcast is the manifestation of a dream that showed up on a dream wall my husband and life partner Brady asked me to create with him on his birthday in the late winter of 2021. I’m not a big risk taker by nature, but this was, and I am so proud of myself, thankful to my family, and especially to my amazing staff who have been willing to come on this journey with me because it would literally not be possible without them.  So major shout out to Valencia Saint Louis for being my first yes to this ride, followed shortly after by Abby Bekele.  We have grown to also have Charlotte Feehan, Germaine Jeanty, Jessica Garrison, and Micaela come on this ride.  Amazing people from all over the country bringing all of their thoughts, talents, and commitment to this endeavor.  Thank you from the very bottom of my heart for trusting me and believing in what we do.

I mentioned some favorite sound bites in general, which was incredibly difficult because I love all of the conversations I’ve had.  My favorite part of this episode was to hear my team’s favorite moments, how much they learn from and enjoy each other, and how these podcast conversations have impacted them.  One of the unexpected blessings of this ride is the amazing young women I’m getting to work with, guide, and mentor, and then empowering them to do the same thing with each other, and how they are simultaneously learning from our guests as well.

This is a great opportunity to hear from some of the great humans we have had on the podcast in this first year that really left an impression on our team.  We hope these sound bites will inspire, encourage, and just remind you of ways you can use this information on your own journey.  In this episode we’ll revisit some of the wisdom shared by Tim Crook Shenkin, Sierra Crook Shenkin, Elle Christenson Woolwine, Stephanie Hunter, Helen Dorado Alessi, Jessica Garrison, Megan Manierski, Germaine Jeanty, Nicole Dinardo-Gray, Charlotte Feehan, and Dr. Lori Rice-Spearman.

I want to thank ALL of our guests from our first year, not just the ones mentioned in this episode because without them we’re not here celebrating our first year with you today:

Brady Crook, Kylee Crook, Courtney Crook, Valencia Saint-Louis, Abby Bekele, Danielle Demetria East, Joy Drake, Elizabeth Fisher Good, Kaley Ihfe, Megan VanStone, Christy Martinez-Garcia, Kristen Hovde Miller, Amy Stuart VanderMaas, Stephanie Fels Stout, Eileen Christenson, Taylor Christenson, Reilly Christenson, Caleb Ledford, Kayli Blankenship Scott, Meghan VanderMaas Ollis, D’Ann Wells, Jaime Wheeler, Clay Kennedy, Morgan Kirkpatrick, Morgan Bell, Brianna Campbell and Hakeem Rahim

We are going to take some time off from dropping episodes during the month of August, but we will be back with Season 3 in mid September with more great guests and compelling topics that we all need to be talking about.  Thanks Listeners for being on this ride with us.  Share with your friends and look out for us on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook, and Linkedin as we continue to expand our reach and share our message with women and people looking to have and hear these conversations as we continue to Find Empowerment and Embrace all of our beautiful complex layers!

Episode 12 - Unapologetically Beyond the Box with Dr. Lori Rice-Spearman

By Jessica Garrison 

The latest episode of the F.E.E.L podcast features a very special and accomplished guest. Not only is Dr. Lori Rice-Spearman the president of Texas Tech University’s Health and Science Center, but she is the first female president in the Texas Tech University system. On the podcast, she shares her true feelings with host Melissa Crook about the pressure she experiences both personally and professionally, and how she tries to manage it all. 

When talking about boundaries, Lori relays that setting boundaries professionally is much easier than setting them personally. I love the conversation she and Melissa have about “adjusting to different seasons” when it comes to setting and respecting boundaries. What someone needs now may not be what they need later, and it’s okay to fluctuate your boundaries. They don’t need to be permanently built and are allowed to change based on your needs at the moment. Lori describes the communication she has with her husband where they both understand the need for seasonal changes in their boundaries. For example, the support she needed during the academic year after COVID-19 was not the same as it was in years past.  

I have to say that my favorite conversation during this episode was when she spoke about being the first woman to become a president at the university. There’s an immense amount of pressure on her to do everything right, to prove that women belong in places of power. But she’s human, and no one should hold all of that pressure on themselves. Lori describes that although being the only woman at the table is difficult, she “decided to let that go and just be a leader.” It’s important to set an example and be a role model for others,  but her being a woman shouldn’t define the whole experience. She is making a difference just by being there, and she’s proud to bring something new to the table. Lori is her authentic self, whether it be at work, at home, or out on the weekends with her family. What you see is what you get, and she’s very proud of that. She accepts these different layers of herself and is open and honest about them, which is arguably one of her most admirable traits. 

Despite focusing on herself and the job at hand, Lori understands the importance of diversity: “Diverse voices need to be heard.” She and Melissa also discuss how important it is for young men to grow up seeing women in power and see women as leaders. It should be normalized for women and minorities to be in positions of power and the more people break down the barrier, the more regular it will become. Diverse voices mean diverse ideas, and the world would be a much better place if everyone was heard. 

One of the most important tools for Lori to have in her professional life and personal life is communication. She is constantly communicating with her staff, her friends, and her family to provide the best experience for everyone around, including herself. She expresses her needs, priorities, and feelings with them to get everyone on the same page and working as a team. She says she “hires people smarter than her.” She doesn’t pretend to know it all; she allows others to help her and teach her things just as much as she does for them, which is something every leader should do. 

Lori also shares a nonnegotiable thing for her, which is twenty minutes of movement a day, whether it be riding a bike, going for a walk, or anything that just gets her body in motion. That’s an important boundary for her that she sets and sticks to. Not everyone has to have a non-negotiable such as this, but for her, it’s the best way to stay healthy in both mind and body. 

Dr. Lori Rice-Spearman has dozens of wonderful accomplishments, and it was an honor to have her as a guest on the F.E.E.L podcast. She provided amazing insight into her life and how she’s accomplished everything she has so far. I look forward to seeing her continue to move up in the world as well as provide inspiration for those around her. 

Dealing With Summer Body Expectations

By Jessica Garrison

When someone says the word “summer,” most people think of longer days, vacations, time off from school, waterparks, ice cream, and everything related to fun. However, in the back of my mind, I dread summer. It’s hot, which means I can’t hide behind an oversized sweater and sweatpants. It’s a whirlwind of trying to get into the perfect shape to wear a bikini and having your body look picture perfect. In the world of Instagram and social media, it’s even more difficult to live up to the world’s expectations. Body expectations affect everyone, but it’s especially apparent during the warmer seasons.

Women are judged every day just for existing it seems, but nothing is crammed down our throats more than having the perfect body. Women are expected to be slim (but not too slim), have big breasts (but not too big), have a big butt (but not too big). It’s absolutely impossible to make everyone happy, but putting this amount of pressure on people just sets them up for failure.

I was very fit growing up because I played softball eight months out of the year, but once I stopped around 13 years old, my body image plummeted. I gained weight because I wasn’t as active as I used to be, and I was embarrassed to show any skin. No matter how humid it was outside, I tried my best to cover up so no one would see my body. I didn’t even want to see my body. It makes me sad to think about it now because I just want to go back in time and tell that girl that she shouldn’t believe the negative things she told herself about her body—she can go out in a bathing suit to enjoy the summer without worrying that she’s going to be laughed at. It’s still a process to accept myself and my body, but I have to be proud of the progress I’ve made and continue to make.

One of our staff members, Micaela, shares her own displeasure with summer body expectations: “Although I have always been thin, I still struggled to love and accept my body. Not only did I allow the jokes that some of my peers threw at me to get the best of me, but I was also very insecure about the amount of hair on my body because I seemed to be hairier than the other girls around me.”

Despite her love for going to the beach and pool, she started dreading the idea of going to both because of her shyness and the possibility of being judged for her body hair. However, she did not let this stop her from getting into the water, and once she finally gained the confidence to get in it, she pushed herself to focus on having fun instead of what people may have thought about her.

It’s been a long time coming, but Micaela says that she has learned that she is fearfully and wonderfully made, and she intends to remember these words going into this summer season and beyond. She says, “I hope every woman who reads this remembers that you are also fearfully and wonderfully made, no matter what society may say.”

Not only do body expectations affect women, but men as well. If a man isn’t perfectly fit with a muscular body that is appealing to the eye, then they’re shamed for it. We say that men have “Dad bodies” if they have a gut or extra fat on their bodies. How can we expect anyone to have self-confidence when we’re constantly tearing them down for not being perfect? The truth is no one is perfect. Of course we all know that, but then why do we always give our two cents about what someone else is doing? We make assumptions about others and how they’re living their lives, which just isn’t fair.

For example, People think I wear a one-piece bathing suit because I’m insecure about my body. They tell me that I’m skinny enough to wear a bikini, but that has nothing to do with my decision. The truth is I’m much more comfortable swimming in a one-piece instead of a two-piece. If anything, that makes me more self-conscious of my body. No one needs to be making any comments about my body or what I choose to wear. Micaela also says she wears a one-piece bathing suit, not only for her own comfortability, but for her religious values as well. If someone is skinny, we assume they’re confident in their own skin and if someone is fat, we assume they’re lazy. It’s much easier to just mind your own business because you have no idea what reasons they could have behind their decisions.

The bottom line is if everyone ate the same foods and exercised the same amount on the same equipment, we would still all look different. I don’t think “fat” should even be a bad word—as long as a person is healthy, then who are we to judge? The world would be a much better place if we would be kind to one another and stop judging. My best advice is to dress however is comfortable for yourself, and confidence will follow. It’s much easier said than done to put yourself out there after years of doubt, but with time and practice, it will come. When we learn to stop caring what other people think of us, we’ll be much happier. Put energy into what makes you happy, and go easier on yourself. Reminder: you’re a beautiful human with a bright future, no matter what size you are.

Episode 11 - The Nuanced Emotions of Mother’s and Father’s Day

Mother’s & Father’s Day is a cherished American tradition of holidays, and if you see the commercials, you get the message that everyone’s relationship with these holidays is whimsical, full of gratitude and love for your parents, the perfect joy of being a parent, and for how your kids (if you have them) celebrate you and your wonderful life together.

This is not to say that there are not people out there with this experience, but there are a lot of other emotions and experiences that go with this for thousands if not millions of people, but there’s no commercial or marketing campaign that talks about that.

1. What about the person who has an estranged relationship with one or both parents

2. What about the person who has lost one or both parents to death, or is a foster child who never knew one or both parents

3. What about the parents who have an estranged relationship with their child(ren)

4. What about the person who just miscarried or can’t get pregnant, or can’t have children at all, or their adoption just fell through, or they lost their child to illness or accident or suicide

5. What about the couple who does not want to have children, but the culture is constantly trying to make them second guess that decision

6. What about the person who has a great relationship with their children, but a more complicated relationship with one or both parents, which makes these very bittersweet holidays

7. What about the child who has lost a parent to disease or accident, or that parent left and they have no contact with them, or even know what to think of that relationship….are they offered another option when the rest of the class is making something for their parent for Mother’s or Father’s Day

8. What about the child whose parents are abusive, but feel the pressure to make the card or send the present because everyone else in the classroom is doing it

These are a few examples of what is not shown in the hallmark card commercial or marketing campaign.  

The most fascinating thing that has come up as my staff and the people we have reached out to join this conversation is this: All feel like this is an important and timely conversation that needs to be had, but hardly anyone is comfortable participating in the conversation on a platform that will go out to the world. That’s how sensitive this conversation is. Most want to have it, and feel it’s necessary and important, and yet are very uncomfortable actually participating in it.  

With all that being said, we’re having this conversation, and we hope it helps someone or maybe several someones feel like they’re not alone in the complex emotions Mother’s and Father’s Day can bring up for people. We’re going to use our talking points to guide us as we figure out the best, healthiest way to navigate this, and I sincerely hope this will be helpful.

We invite you to join us for this conversation that my husband Brady so graciously joined me for, and even if your relationship falls into the “Hallmark” category, it might give you some insight into those people you know who don’t share that same experience.

Episode 10 - Weaponized Gratitude - What is it and When Does it Appear?

By Jessica Garrison

I’ve been wondering for a few days how I was going to start this blog because there’s just so much to say about weaponized gratitude. I could tell stories for hours about being both a victim and a perpetrator in this, and everyone on this week’s episode agreed that there could be several episodes about this. In this episode, Melissa Crook, Charlotte Feehan, Abby Bekele, and I discuss where weaponized gratitude shows up, how it affects people, and what exactly the term means.

If you’re confused by the phrase, weaponized gratitude is the act of making someone feel guilty for not feeling grateful, and using gratitude as a way of diminishing other feelings that someone may be experiencing. I’ve known about this feeling and these experiences for a while, but I never had a word to use for it. I, like many others, have been dealing with this for years. Growing up, I had felt so guilty. How could I possibly complain about little things going wrong in my life when other people in the world have it so much worse than me? It’s been a process to unlearn the invalidation that’s been burned into my brain, but being able to speak to others about similar situations has really opened my eyes to how often this happens to people.

Charlotte opens up about experiences with her grandmother who has a “different attitude about gratitude.” I’ve definitely seen weaponized gratitude show up more so in the older generation rather than the younger, as Charlotte describes. She brings up an interesting point that I’ve never thought of before: weaponized gratitude shows up overwhelmingly in faith related situations. She mentions this while talking about her grandmother, and how she accuses her of not being grateful for what God has given her. This is a tricky situation because as she describes, of course she’s grateful. She never said she wasn’t, but that doesn’t mean that she can’t feel a certain type of way about something. You can feel proud of yourself for accomplishing a task, while still being dissatisfied that there’s more progress to make. It’s possible to feel more than one emotion at a time.

Abby describes how she’s seen weaponized gratitude show up in the workplace. Being a minority in the corporate world is full of this practice. People want her to be thankful for being in the position she’s in. Abby expressed eternal gratitude for being able to do what she loves and be around others who are similar to her, but she also worked hard to get there. She should get the treatment she deserves, as should her coworkers, rather than settling because she’s lucky to be in her position at all. You still have to fight for what you want, for what you deserve, and for what you’re worth. People throwing it in your face that you should be grateful for what you have aren’t looking at the big picture, and without it, it’s easy to get taken advantage of.

During this episode, I discuss my major feelings of guilt when the COVID-19 pandemic started. Millions of people were sick or dying. Meanwhile, my family was perfectly healthy; we didn’t have the struggles that other people had during those times. However, I still found myself to be severely depressed in quarantine. I thought I was a terrible person because I had feelings of stress and sadness during a time where so many others had it worse than me. It was difficult to deal with these feelings; I didn’t even want to say them out loud for the fear that someone would throw in my face how lucky I was to be in my situation. I was very thankful—I still am. But that doesn’t mean I can’t feel upset or angry at what was happening. I’m glad I had this opportunity to openly discuss these emotions and have others say they have been in my shoes as well.

I never would’ve imagined projecting these feelings and thoughts out to the world, but it was refreshing to hear what everyone brought to the table. Weaponized gratitude shows up in so many situations, but I think the most important thing to remember is your feelings are completely valid. You can feel more than one emotion at a time, and that is what makes us such wonderful, complex human beings.